To wonder why some people are just so ill- mannered? Do they have no self awareness?

[Salmotrutta]

For example; someone is telling an anecdote at work, another colleague just interrupts to say "Oh yeah, that happened to me/I don't have that problem with that child because I'm God and have a fabulous relationship with every pupil (I'm a teacher) without letting original storyteller finish their tale.

Winds me right up. I don't care about your statement because you have just rudely interrupted the original storyteller. So pipe down.

It's so bad mannered to interrupt other people and I'm feeling that it happens more and more nowadays.

I try very hard to listen to others, let them finish their story and maybe relate something after they have finished if it is pertinent.

I am feeling the rage for interrupters - tha bad mannered feckers.

Sorry - I missed the end quotation marks after "pupil"...

Hope it still makes sense.

My mother does this to me.
Example:

She will ask how was my day.
I may say I took DD to the library today.... My mother will jump in and say, " Oh the library - I was there last week, and bumped into old Jake who has an ill dog,"

Then proceeds to tell me all about Jake's dog and its visit to the vets, how costly it was, how the dog howled. Twenty minutes later she is still barking on about Jake's dog, forgetting the fact she asked how my day was.

I actually don't respond to her questions any more. It's easier to ask her about her day and keep quiet about mine.

Oh you work with her too?

As an NQT I worked with someone like that. I swear to god I could have had Osama bin laden in my lesson and she'd look at me goggle eyed saying 'but he's LOVELY in my lessons!'

I once said 'I must be a shit teacher then!'

Do you think it's just that people who are like this have never been taught manners then goblin or do you think they are just inherently "self-absorbed"?

I was brought up to never interrupt unless it was urgent, never cut into other people's stories and to be polite.

Sometimes I could spend a whole coffee break just waiting for an opportunity to speak - without being rude.

When I was younger, I was always really quiet. I've been told many times over the years to speak up more. So now when something comes into my head, I voice it. I think I might interrupt people a bit :( I don't mean to be rude, I'm just trying to be social.
I also attempt to let people know I am listening, or that I empathise with their situation, by relating something they are saying to something I have experienced. I think this also comes across as a bit self-absorbed!
Just presenting an opposite view! Examples above sound v annoying though

Shining - yes, clearly they are just better teachers

I think though that there is a cohort of people who just have to be heard - no matter what.
And I think it's more prevalent nowadays - "I'm the person who must be heard" type of thing.

So everyone is trying to drown out everyone else.

It's very wearing.

Probably self absorbed people. Too self absorbed even to see it.
When I was going through divorce my mother "claimed" it as her trauma. I was the one having to make her cups of tea and cheer her up as she was going through the trauma of having a DD that was divorcing.
Similarly when my son was having surgery, she would be the one in tears talking about her grandson maybe dying under anasthetic ( he was totally fine).
No regard for anyone outside of herself, no idea how to support others.

I never interrupt either but I find people just talk 'at' me and I don't get a word in which winds me up. I think we've lost the art if conversation.

That's the school staffroom for you, Salmotrutta.

The worst example of this I encountered was when I went for a teaching job. The candidates were sitting waiting and chatting in the staffroom. One person went on and on about how great she was in a very irritating way. By the end of it I just wanted to say, 'How come you're sitting here for an interview for a teaching job. With your skills you should be the Education Secretary'. I actually got up made my excuses and left but I couldn't bear to be there another minute. The ironic thing was she actually did get the job because I met her again at a twilight training on another occasion. How anyone could have been taken in by that level of bullshit I don't know

but because*

It's very frustrating - conversation should have pauses where others can contribute.
It's not a monologue.
People who indulge in monologues are ill-mannered.

But a sizeable chunk of people seem to indulge in monologues nowadays!

Rude.

Yep they're everywhere and their lives are sooo much more interesting than mine.

It is very odd that it now seems almost the norm. Self-awareness is no longer a requirement apparently. I wonder why monologuing and being rude and self-absorbed has become so commonplace.

I have this from a particular person, but it's quite sad.... I attend a group which meets once a month (oh, bugger it... it's my book group). We've been meeting monthly for over 15 years. Most book groups are (a) either held in a public space with everyone using that space welcome to attend (eg a village pub) or (b) a closed set of friends who also read books together.

We are NOT a bunch of friends, and there are only 6 of us, but we came together because we all love reading, and 16 years later, we're still there.

One of us's husband has died. And, oh my gosh, she has turned into the most terrible bore. She interrupts, she changes the subject, she dominates, she talks over people, she platforms on 'her' topics and themes. She gets upset if she's disagreed with (at a debating party!)

It drives us mad.

But it's sad, because it's all the stuff she doesn't have a DH to talk to about.

So we all swallow it.

We bitch about her in the car on the way home, though!

When I was younger, I was always really quiet. I've been told many times over the years to speak up more. So now when something comes into my head, I voice it. I think I might interrupt people a bit sad I don't mean to be rude, I'm just trying to be social.

I could have written this. I find myself interrupting people and always apologise but think I may do it unintentionally

This was a bit naughty of me - worked in a young offenders with very difficult students - we all had a chat at dinner times about how hard some of the lads were , some really good new staff were finding their feet but one tutor was always butting in - whatever name you said he knew them ,had worked with them and they were great for him because...they know my standards and I won't put up with what others do.
One day I just made up 2 names and said "I have heard that Freddie Black and Tommy Green are back - nightmares" ..tutor butted in and said ..."no, never any trouble for me, they knew they had to behave, I had them working hard".....I was going to let it go and just quietly snigger but the arrogance just made me snap - oh for gods sake I made the names up, why do you have to do this.....awful atmosphere for a few days but he didn't do it again

In one particular friendship group I have a "friend" like this- no matter what story you're telling she steam-rollers it with an anecdote of her own until all you can hear is her voice. Self-absorbed to the nth degree. The rest of hardly get a word in edgewise.

My ex had very poor social skills, so when he did identity a topic that he felt comfortable with he went crashing in & taking over the conversation. When I told him that this was rude he then started saying 'I'm sorry to interrupt' & doing it anyway. I think in part he was compelled to get his opinion out there before he mentally switched off & waited for his next opportunity to speak.

It's a complete lack of interest in anyone else - and a lack of curiosity. Other people's stories are actually really interesting to most of us, surely? And informative as well, eg cautionary tales, how to live our lives better, different ways we could be doing things, different thoughts, different ideas, different worldviews.

It's about being on "receive" and "transmit" isn't it?

There are people who listen - the receivers

And those who only want to talk - the transmitters.

The transmitters don't want to hear the receivers, so they wait for the gaps so they can jump in and continue transmitting!

You either call them on it as Mairzydoatsanddozeydoats admirably did, or you put up with it.

Should the receivers just avoid the transmitters, do you think? I increasingly think I have to. So gratifying to find other people who actually listen - why not just restrict my life to them? And just walk away when I recognise a transmitter.

I think it's case-by-case, Molly. M in my bookgroup drives me mad, but I feel v sorry for her and understand where she's coming from. so I indulge her.

If I think someone is just RUDE, that's different. If I was a colleague listening to something that was talked over, I would probably hear to the end of the interruption and then go back to the original person and say "what was it you were saying about xxx?"

Yeah, but life's too short, innit. (I get what you mean about M though.) I feel increasingly ragey and exploited when I'm the target for monologuing - like I'm some kind of fucking mug - feeling used and indeed abused in the crappiest kind of way.

I think I must be a good "receiver", I have worked as a counsellor for 15 years, but in my personal life "transmitters" seem to seek me out.
I have very few personal friends as a result. I find many social meetings exhausting.
One friendship I had to escape from, -lets call her Karen.
She would arrive in my house, plonk on the sofa drinking tea and spend hours unburdening herself. She said she really valued my friendship, that she always felt as light as a feather after visiting ne, relaxed and energised.

I on the other hand felt drained, exhausted, like a worn out rag. She was like a vampire. I had to stop seeing her and I know I caused her some pain over that which I regret, but it wasn't doing me any good.

Luckily my OH is also a "receiver". He loves to listen, he never interrupts. We do enjoy in depth conversations, not too often as we are both so busy, but when we do it is enjoyable for both of us.