To wonder why some people are just so ill- mannered? Do they have no self awareness?

[Salmotrutta]

For example; someone is telling an anecdote at work, another colleague just interrupts to say "Oh yeah, that happened to me/I don't have that problem with that child because I'm God and have a fabulous relationship with every pupil (I'm a teacher) without letting original storyteller finish their tale.

Winds me right up. I don't care about your statement because you have just rudely interrupted the original storyteller. So pipe down.

It's so bad mannered to interrupt other people and I'm feeling that it happens more and more nowadays.

I try very hard to listen to others, let them finish their story and maybe relate something after they have finished if it is pertinent.

I am feeling the rage for interrupters - tha bad mannered feckers.

My boss does this. I start saying something then get interrupted. I just let him carry on. He's remarked before how quiet I am and how I never join in a conversation... that's because you always take over and interrupt-

DH does this, especially to the DCs. I call him out on it and he looks surprised as though it's a revelation that the DCs aren't enthralled by his tales of what Daddy did today. I think it's partly an upbringing thing because lots of his family do it, too. They all think I'm pig ignorant for saying "DS1 was in the middle of a sentence, please let him finish" when they shout over the children at family get-togethers. I think they're pig ignorant for wanting conversations which are entirely one-sided.

It's a really fine line, though, I think. I saw a bereavement thread recently and wanted to say "yes, I know exactly how you feel because I went through the same thing when X happened etc" but then thought no, I'm making it all about me. But actually it might have been useful to the bereaved poster, to know that it's normal to feel that way and you get through it.

So sometimes turning things round to things you've experienced is empathetic and supportive, and sometimes it's rude and self-absorbed - I'm pushing 50 and have yet to be sure where that line is.

I have noticed the more and more and agree it's a lack of general awareness.

I am trying to educate the DC's to listen to each other as they do tend to interrupt and talk over. The problem is I have one who will monologue for several minutes so that the others are obliged to interject - then she gets annoyed at being interrupted . Trying to get the balance right is sometimes quite hard. I do also know a chap who is very nice but as crashing bore and does like to hold forth - he has to be interrupted at a certain point for the general sanity of those around him.

goblinhat I've had the same experiences as you. I'm a receiver and have had to distance myself from a few friends after slowly discovering that our friendships was based on them unburdening themselves to me and me never getting a word in edgeways. I didn't mind mostly until I needed to talk over a problem and no-one was able/willing to listen. I don't have many friends now. Just acquaintances.

Do transmitters actually need receivers though? Why not stand in the middle of an empty room and transmit, since the engagement or otherwise of the receiver seems to be ignored? Yet they do latch onto us.

I've noticed that people are much more critical of female interrupters than male. And to answer the OP, yes of course some people less self-aware and have weaker social skills. Like every gift, reading a situation properly and coming across well is given to some people in greater measure than to others.

I'd say that social conditioning means that women feel they "ought" to join in with conversations, whereas men are conditioned to believe that they are under no obligation to chat or join in with socialising. The aloof man - Mr Darcy - is acceptable.

"Why not stand in the middle of an empty room and transmit, since the engagement or otherwise of the receiver seems to be ignored? Yet they do latch onto us."

Possibly transmitters are more extrovert whereas receiver are more introvert. So transmitters need an audience - it's where they get their energy from. And receivers will eventually get fed up and leave as their energy is being depleted.

And receivers will eventually get fed up and leave as their energy is being depleted.

I'd like to avoid this. People like this really do drain my energy.
What are the tactics - is it just leave or talk more aggressively yourself? I don't want to keep leaving social situations at work etc just because there is one incredibly rude and loud person...

I like the receiver and transmitter explanation.

I feel that social media has a lot to answer for though, I reckon it's trained a lot of people to just concentrate on the transmitting as much information as possible without ever developing their receiving skills. Whichever you were naturally before the advent of social media, you were more likely to have to develop some of the opposite skills to function socially. I do think it's become far more acceptable to talk at people these days.

Briar for me it was about realising that whilst I'm sociable, I am classically introvert. I like to be around people sometimes but to recharge my batteries I need to be alone. Once I'd given myself permission to be like this and accept it, I found social situations much easier. If I need to, I'll wander away for a few minutes and then come back. I just need to be somewhere where I don't have to interact with someone, even if it's just for 5 minutes.

It's why it was so flipping exhausting working with an extrovert who tried to follow me into the loo.

I don't think it's an introvert/extrovert division - I think it's about empathy and the lack of it. Receivers feel bad about just rudely walking away from someone who won't stop monologuing at them. Apparently we have to learn to do that. Or find other ways to avoid being pinned to the wall.

It's so hard to call them out on it, though, isn't it. If you say something like "I was talking" it means you think a third party is more interested in what you were saying or them, and if it's just 2 of you, then they were CLEARLY not interested in what you were saying, because they've interrupted/talked over you or changed the subject.

Yes, exactly that. Also very hurtful that there is clearly NO INTEREST from them in what you have to say, or indeed that you were in the middle of saying it.

I don't think there's an exact mapping, Molly but IME introverts tend to be more sensitive and aware of the people around them. Extroverts are more likely to blunder around, vampirically sucking energy out of others.

I may be a little biased

My (thankfully now former) manager is like this. Even when she asks you a question, she'll interrupt before you've finished speaking. Even when she was doing our appraisals, she'd talk about herself a lot: what she was doing, what she did at her former job, etc. I gave up trying with her after a while.

She is highly thought of at work because she always has something to say at meetings, but was a quite a crap manager to be honest (one of her faults being, ironically enough, poor communication with her staff). However, she was also very good at talking herself up!

And in that situation, I'm not sure I'd have the balls to say "oh, so you weren't interested in what I was saying, then!", but maybe that's what it needs? But then where do you go when they agree with you????

I was thinking this the other day when yet again my Nan (91) just rode over everyone else's conversation to talk about the thrilling life of Nan! Now I may soiund awful saying that about an old lady, but it has been a lifelong thing with her and, looking at how she has treated my DM over the years, I think she is a classic Narcissist.

All of DH's family do this. DH does but tries hard now I point it out. What I do when interrupted, depending on how obvious and rude the interruption is, is either just carry on talking, LOUDER, or when they have finished, say "so as I was saying" and finish. His family think it is an adorable odd trait I have instead of realising they are the rude ones!

This thread is reminding me of Sheldon Cooper trying to moderate Penny's behaviour. I wonder if there is a way of re-training the interrupters?

I do that with my DM, or say, 'I hadn't finished what I was saying.' She always looks mildly surprised and almost embarrassed, then laughs it off. It's what was normal in my family growing up, but I ended up hardly speaking as am naturally introverted so didn't have it in me to loudly cut in to whatever the other person (or three) was saying.
No one was ever told not to interrupt, and it was one of the lessons I absorbed myself as I grew up and interacted in a wider social and professional sphere. Don't think my sister ever took the hint, though - bulldozes over anyone to get it off her chest.

I got called out once by a colleague for apparently always coming into conversations with an anecdote to match the person who was speaking. A group of us were out at lunch together and colleague A was telling us about something that happened on her holiday. She finished her anecdote and a few people then made short comments on what she had said. I then said that a similar thing had happened to me, and told my own story.

Colleague B then said to me "Thistledew, you always come up with a story to say that you have had a similar experience to whatever someone is talking about".

Given that I had not interrupted colleague A, and that people had commented on her story before I chipped in with my own experience, I was a bit . Isn't that how everyone makes idle conversation in a group of people who are friendly but not close friends? I wasn't trying to 'top' her story- my experience was similar but not 'better' in any way. What was I supposed to do? Listen to Colleague A then change the subject to something completely different?

I have to say that since colleague B was a bit of a bore, and couldn't hold a conversation without descending into absolute sarcasm against anything that anyone said, I did think it a bit rich that he was lecturing me on how to hold a conversation, but it has slightly niggled at me that he may have had a point.

I have retrained myself! I found that I had a tendency towards this, so I concentrate really hard on what the other person is saying to me, so that I can respond to them appropriately. It stops me from jumping in with my anecdote.

I backslide a bit when drunk though