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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why some people are just so ill- mannered? Do they have no self awareness?

72 replies

Salmotrutta · 11/09/2015 22:26

For example; someone is telling an anecdote at work, another colleague just interrupts to say "Oh yeah, that happened to me/I don't have that problem with that child because I'm God and have a fabulous relationship with every pupil (I'm a teacher) without letting original storyteller finish their tale.

Winds me right up. I don't care about your statement because you have just rudely interrupted the original storyteller. So pipe down.

It's so bad mannered to interrupt other people and I'm feeling that it happens more and more nowadays.

I try very hard to listen to others, let them finish their story and maybe relate something after they have finished if it is pertinent.

I am feeling the rage for interrupters - tha bad mannered feckers.

OP posts:

BriarRainbowshimmer · 12/09/2015 12:56

Gabilan people who are actually able to converse normally do not drain my energy like that. We're talking about that rude type who we don't dare to be rude back to by telling them that they're being rude...I know someone like this and he is aggressive, easily angered.

Thistledew · 12/09/2015 13:02

Euphemia - the thing is, if I told an anecdote and then the people I was talking to changed the subject and started talking about something else, I would think "Oh dear, that must have been really boring. They weren't interested in talking about that topic at all". Whereas if someone told a similar story, I would think "Yay! I have something in common with this person and they find it interesting too!"

I suppose either approach could lead to someone feeling that the other has been rude.

amazonqueen · 12/09/2015 13:03

Thistle I had a colleague make a similar remark to me once. It wasnt about a specific event though,it was more about my general tendency to have a similar personal experience to relate in order to show empathy . I often use my own or family members experiences to illustrate an alternative outcome to a situation for example.

I dont know if I agree with the carp or not as my take on conversation is the same as yours.Its give and take and general chit chat , not solving the worlds problems ( although I do that too ;) ). I dont think my colleague meant to be rude to me .It was more of an observation in her case-although Ive cooled towards her ever since and dont engage in much chat with her.

lavenderhoney · 12/09/2015 13:06

My exdh used to do this - interrupt and talk about something completely different, even at dinner when one of the DC was talking. he was annoyed if anyone pulled him up on it and really didn't see why he shouldn't, if he was bored with listening. He would leave the table in high dudgeon.

HumphreyCobblers · 12/09/2015 13:06

I think that as you waited for responses to the other person's story Thistledew and did not interrupt to tell your own, that counts as conversation. Surely the mutual sharing of anecdote IS a reasonable part of conversations? It is only when someone jumps in and dominates with their story it is rude.

CuntWagon · 12/09/2015 13:12

The naughty pupil example is rife in nursing too. Oh that surgeon shouted at you and threw a scalpel at your head in theatre? How strange he's always lovely to me and buys me coffee! And that patient was rude to you? He always says I'm the nicest nurse he's ever met and he's so grateful to me!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/09/2015 13:13

We have a new person in the knitting group I go to, and it is impossible to get a word in edgeways with her. I am seriously considering sitting in the furthest corner from her at the next group, because I'd actually like to be able to have conversations with people at the group, rather than sitting and listening to her go on and on and on about her dogs for the whole 3 hours.

One of my dogs needs to have some pretty major surgery next Friday, and I'd like to talk about it to my friends at the group - and I'd like to be able to do it without her interrupting to talk about her dogs and their medical and social issues.

thecatsarecrazy · 12/09/2015 13:14

I work with a woman who asks me something like e.g " was it very busy on the roads when you came in? "
And I will start to answer, not even get 2 words out and she will start talking about something completely different over me . Why bother saying anything

Gabilan · 12/09/2015 13:18

I'm in the "it's nice to share anecdotes" camp. So long as you don't interrupt and don't start on the "oh, you met le Tissier? I had dinner with Beckham".

FifteenFortyNine · 12/09/2015 13:59

some people's stories just go on forever and are really boring, just because they are the ones who started to talk first doesn't mean you have to silently listen for hours until they stop for breath or before they go off on another tangent. Also that 'it happened to me too' is a show of solidarity and support or at least an attempt at it. Some people have already commented that all that interrupting thing can also be an exercise in being more extroverted or talkative, mainly for those who are naturally a quiet introverted bunch

dodobookends · 12/09/2015 14:14

DH is a bit like this. If I say I've had a bad day at work or I'm feeling tired or a bit under the weather, he always has to be More tired or More ill and his day at work is always Worse and I then get a diatribe about it all, before I've had a chance to finish what I was saying. Grrr.

MollyLair · 12/09/2015 15:42

STDG, that person has ruined the group for you, and probably for everyone else.

MollyLair · 12/09/2015 15:50

YY to the Top Trumps of anecdotes. Go in and say: "I've had a hard day..." and you get cut off with: "You think you've had a hard day! I've been..." Or just: "That's not a hard day. A hard day is working where I work." Or "Doing your kind of work is easy."

Turquoisedance · 12/09/2015 16:04

I used to be terrible for interrupting conversations, I would just get overexcited and want to say my contribution before I forgot.

I now sit back and let people talk and now I get annoyed if I'm interrupted esp whilst right in the middle of a story I'm telling.

Mind you after a few glasses of wine with close friends we are constantly interrupting each other.

Fatmomma99 · 12/09/2015 16:20

If a colleague said to me what Colleague B said to Thistledew, I'd have been REALLY upset. And prob would have wanted to say something like "I'm really sorry, I thought I was just continuing the conversation" but what I would actually probably do was mutter something, leave the table and cry. And phone my mum.

What did you say, Thistle?

Another YY to anecdote top trumps from me too!

Agree with Turquoise and the poster on the other page that I get more interrupt-y (and loud) after drinking!

Shannaratiger · 12/09/2015 16:41

I'm following with interest
Being epileptic and dyspraxia, I have slight autistic tendencies and will forget things instantly of I don't say it. When I walking to school I'm always saying the conversation rules in my head.Unfortunately as soon as I see my friends I forget the and onterupt again!
Will keep trying!

MollyLair · 12/09/2015 16:48

That's a really useful perspective, Shannaratiger. So are you saying you can control it if you really try and haven't been on the gin ?

Thistledew · 12/09/2015 18:21

Fatmomma99 I just gave colleague B a withering look and said "It's called having a conversation. You should try it sometime instead of your usual sarcasm", which may sound pretty nasty, but that is exactly how he speaks to people so he wasn't at all put out. His comment did linger with me though.

I do tend to be one of the quieter people in a group, but that is quite often because I really don't like to interrupt someone or jump in with my own anecdote/ opinion until they have fully finished theirs. It quite often means that someone else jumps in earlier and the conversation changes before I get to contribute. I do sometimes find it hard when I am with a big group to judge the right moment to interject and start talking without being rude, but still getting myself heard.

I do also like to make a point, if person A is interrupted by person B, to go back to A as soon as B has finished and say "You were saying ...?" to give them a chance to finish their story. I just think it is a nice thing to do.

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 12/09/2015 19:32

I also get very irritated with people who walk into the Staffroom and "announce" things at full volume to people are having a conversation.

E.g I might be discussing something fairly important with Colleague A and colleague B marches is and cuts right through the discussion with something like "God it's wet/cold/terrible traffic today" before launching into some other inane drivel.

That gets right on my wick

OP posts:

sammie1814 · 14/10/2015 19:56

I am so happy to see that I am not alone in my anger regarding ill-mannered people. They are everywhere! I am so happy that I now have a work at home job so I no longer have to work with these disgustingly rude people in an office. I sometimes wonder if some of these rude people are drinking or doing some kind of drug to make them so absolutely self-absorbed and disgustingly rude.

sammie1814 · 14/10/2015 20:03

ok, well, now that you know you are being rude and not just being social, please try to stop it. You may be wanting to be more social but you don't have to be rude to do it. You'll lose friends quickly that way, trust me!

sammie1814 · 14/10/2015 20:09

Hopefully you guys can see my previous post about how much I detest rude people that interrupt and are self-absorbed. I agree with all of you! However, there is also the person that is the complete opposite! I have a relative that never talks but anytime I say something, she piffles. You know, that quiet "I'm smarter than you" piffle. And when I say something directly to her, she just looks at me and takes forever to respond. So, there's also the counterpart to rudely interrupting - it's rudely being quiet. She's disturbingly weird and there's also a lot of people just like her in this world. There's nothing more fun than going to a dinner party at which no one is saying a darn thing. That is truly uncomfortable. You're supposed to have conversations at dinner parties and if you do not know how to converse, then keep your dull self home!!!!! And if all you know how to do is rudely interrupt, then you can keep your rude self at home as well!

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