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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not make DH dinner on a Friday evening.

58 replies

BlazerTrail · 11/09/2015 20:05

DH works away most weeks and usually comes home at about 8.30 on Friday evening. My friend was surprised today when I told her that I don't make DH's dinner for him when he comes home.

My reasons for this are that I also work full time and cook dinner every evening, do housework and laundry so that there is usually only school uniforms to wash and some gardening to do at the weekend. Plus I drive the DC to and from their activities 3 weekday evenings. Some evenings I don't get to sit down until 9pm.

DH has Monday to Thursday weekday evenings free to meet up with friends, go to the cinema or just chill in front of the TV and only has to cook for himself or, more often, eat out or get a takeaway.

On Friday evenings I usually get to sit down at 7.30 with a cup of tea and that, to me, signals the end of the working week. At this point DH is sat on a train reading the paper or having a sleep.

I'll pick him up from the station at 8.30 and when we get home I'll tell him what's available for dinner and leave him to cook it. I'll then go and put my feet up, watch TV or whatever. This is what my friend finds so surprising as she thinks he has just travelled hundreds of miles to get home so it would be nice to have his dinner made for him. (All housework, childcare etc is shared equally between us over the weekend and then I take over everything on Sunday evenings). I'm sure DH would love to come home to a hot dinner but also doesn't complain that there isn't one and has to sort his own meal out.

AIBU to not cook DH dinner on a Friday evening to welcome him home?

OP posts:
justaweeone · 11/09/2015 20:07

No!

RachelZoe · 11/09/2015 20:08

YANBU, at all, your friend is being a bit strange, nothing odd about your routine at all.

lynniep · 11/09/2015 20:08

No.does your friend come from the fifties?

SlowlyGoingINSAINIA · 11/09/2015 20:09

YANBU but I would probably cook the Friday family meal in the slow cooker, he could then just help himself to the last of it when he arrives back.

SurlyCue · 11/09/2015 20:09

Yanbu. However, i'd probably get a takeaway on the way home from station to eat together. But thats me. Maybe you like eating earlier or dont fancy take away. And thats fine.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 11/09/2015 20:09

YANBU!

What is your friend, living in the 1950's??

I am exhausted just reading about your week OP!

FishOn · 11/09/2015 20:09

Nope. It doesn't sound like your DH's bothered either, just your friend Grin

I never cook on a Friday - I go on strike and we go out or have a takeaway

arethereanyleftatall · 11/09/2015 20:09

Yanbu.
The details don't really matter, if you're both happy with how you do it, then do it.
Though, as it happens, it sounds like you're right. Of all the things I do - work/children/housework/commute - by far my favourite luxury time is my commute.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/09/2015 20:09

Does he cook for you on a Friday as well or have you already eaten?

I don't think YABU at all.

pictish · 11/09/2015 20:10

Yanbu. Sounds fine to me.

shoofly · 11/09/2015 20:11

I see your point, & I'm sure he's perfectly capable but I'd feel a bit mean. Are you cooking for yourself and the kids anyway? I'd be inclined to make something for everyone that he could heat up later.
On the other hand, if he's happy enough, then why change just because your friend says so!

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 11/09/2015 20:12

After the week he's had? I'd expect him to bloody cook for me if he's had trips to the cinema or off for pub-grub half the week Grin.

In all honesty though - no, yanbu. I'm sure you both work hard all week, it is not for either of you to pander to the other on a Friday night. A cuppa and relaxing sounds perfect for both. I'd probably say stuff it and make it a curry/pizza night myself, let the delivery man feed you all!

AnyFucker · 11/09/2015 20:12

Does your friend think you should wear a pretty ribbon in your hair too ?

TheSpottedZebra · 11/09/2015 20:12

I agree that you need downtime. But couldn't you make extra of whatever else you Marple, then he just microwaves it when he's in?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 11/09/2015 20:13

No, you are definitely not being unreasonable. But then, I'm a SAHM and by DH does all the cooking, weekdays and weekends (I do practically everything else!)

AndNowItsSeven · 11/09/2015 20:13

Yes yabu , working away a week is not a holiday. Your dh misses out on time with his dc. You make it sound like he a living it up eating out with friends and watching movies.
Not to bother cooking dinner after his has travelled hundreds of miles is selfish.

TheSpottedZebra · 11/09/2015 20:13

Marple? make

Tyrannosaurus · 11/09/2015 20:15

YANBU. Your friend would hate me. I just about never cook for DH, he cooks for me. If you both work full time surely it is down to the two of you how you split the jobs? It sounds like you have an arrangement you are both happy with.

Longdistance · 11/09/2015 20:17

Bollocks to that.

I agree with pp, your week sounds exhausting, and your D'h sounds like he has a jolly.

I work ft and I do all the laundry, cooking, organising. My Dh might as well not be here.

Don't know what era your friend is stuck in???

LongDistanceLove · 11/09/2015 20:18

Of course you are not being unreasonable at all.

However and it's a tiny however, if my dh had been away all week, I'd love to have a meal with him when he gets back, whether it's something I'd cooked or a takeaway. Just eating together and talking about our weeks.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 11/09/2015 20:19

AndNowItsSeven - he chooses to work away half the week. He chooses to go out with workmates during this time. I'm sure the OP would love to do as such during the week as well, but she doesn't get downtime. So, what's the problem of having some on a Friday night when he's back. Dinner isn't some labourious task these days - he can easily pop something on, catch up with the kids whilst it's cooking, then plate it up. Hardly going to break the man, I'm sure. Not bothering to cook his dinner, jeez, what centuary are you from?

Original poster
BlazerTrail · 11/09/2015 20:19

I eat earlier with the DC as I couldn't wait until he gets back, especially if the train is delayed.

Lol at the comments about my friend living in the 50s - it does seem like a very old fashioned idea that I would welcome him home with a cooked meal.

Friday nights were always 'chippy tea night' when I was little and I've sort of carried on the tradition but with Pizza night or Beefburger night, which the DC love, so not the sort of thing I could prepare for him to heat up when he gets home.

So glad everyone seems to think IANBU as I was starting to wonder if I was being a bit dismissive of his return home.

OP posts:
TRexingInAsda · 11/09/2015 20:19

Yanbu, it's not your job to cook his dinner, a grown adult can cook his own, and it's none of your friend's business.

Have you ever asked him if he'd want you to put a couple of extra fish fingers (or whatever you do for you and the kids) on when you do your dinner? If he wants whatever you're having and is happy to warm it up, you could offer. Presumably you've had this conversation though.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/09/2015 20:21

You make it sound like he a living it up eating out with friends and watching movies. I work away sometimes and although I miss DD and DH, it is massively easier than working FT while doing everything else at home and no, I wouldn't expect DH to have a dinner waiting when I get home. Wine yes; dinner no.

CheesyNachos · 11/09/2015 20:24

TBH we have a similar week to yours OP. I currently work full time which I can do from home (paying work.... consultancy practice) while DH works all over and comes home every Friday or every second Friday night. i always have food waiting for him after he has caught a plane to Gatwick then train home, but it means that Saturdays are his days to be with DS, do home stuff, cook me a meal (or take us all out at the pub) and pull his weight home wise before he heads off again on Sundays. That works for us, mostly, but also is not as idyllic as all that as life generally is pretty stress-filled. It used to be that he worked from home while I worked in London all week, and he would usually have a glass of something waiting for me on Fridays and then we would have takeaway.

That is just how it worked for us, and really says nothing more than families tend to work things out in ways that suit their own families!