AIBU to not make DH dinner on a Friday evening.

[BlazerTrail]

DH works away most weeks and usually comes home at about 8.30 on Friday evening. My friend was surprised today when I told her that I don't make DH's dinner for him when he comes home.

My reasons for this are that I also work full time and cook dinner every evening, do housework and laundry so that there is usually only school uniforms to wash and some gardening to do at the weekend. Plus I drive the DC to and from their activities 3 weekday evenings. Some evenings I don't get to sit down until 9pm.

DH has Monday to Thursday weekday evenings free to meet up with friends, go to the cinema or just chill in front of the TV and only has to cook for himself or, more often, eat out or get a takeaway.

On Friday evenings I usually get to sit down at 7.30 with a cup of tea and that, to me, signals the end of the working week. At this point DH is sat on a train reading the paper or having a sleep.

I'll pick him up from the station at 8.30 and when we get home I'll tell him what's available for dinner and leave him to cook it. I'll then go and put my feet up, watch TV or whatever. This is what my friend finds so surprising as she thinks he has just travelled hundreds of miles to get home so it would be nice to have his dinner made for him. (All housework, childcare etc is shared equally between us over the weekend and then I take over everything on Sunday evenings). I'm sure DH would love to come home to a hot dinner but also doesn't complain that there isn't one and has to sort his own meal out.

AIBU to not cook DH dinner on a Friday evening to welcome him home?

If it works for you, then that's fine.

If I was cooking something for me, i would probably cook some for him as well, which he could heat up in the microwave.

DS1(20) lives away all week, working ridiculously long hours and travels home on a Friday night. I always make something for dinner that he can warm up later.

I don't work at present, but even when I did, and the kids were smaller, if DH wasn't in for dinner due to shifts, or travelling back from somewhere I always plated something up for him. That's what worked for us, if you're both happy with your way then YANBU. Different strokes for different folks, isn't it?

In a situation like yours we would just sort ourselves somehing each on fridays, and then Saturday DH and I would have take away, wine and a movie/box set.

Stampymum will you marry me?

YANBU. You both work! Even saying that, my mate is a SAHM to two children, one with SN and her DH comes in from work and cooks dinner every night. He's aware that she needs to have half an hour alone by that point so he brings both DC into the kitchen to help him and she goes and has a shower etc.

He's also a cracking cook and to him it's his signal that his day is over and he can enjoy his cooking time.

Y definitely NBU! You've had a really tough week - I don't know how you manage all of that and work too!

My DH often works late/ is away for a night or two. He doesn't expect me to have dinner there for him. If I leave a plate of whatever we've had, he is sometimes pathetically grateful and sometimes brushes it aside and says he can't face a 'dinner' so late, or has already eaten (often regardless of whether or not we've discussed it on the phone!). I used to get cross with him if he didn't eat it, saying it was a waste, but in fairness it's hard to get excited about congealed chicken and gravy at 10 pm! If I'm home and cooking a family meal, it's not hard to leave a plate for him 'just in case', and if I'm working and the nanny cooks for the kids, then there's no dinner for him. We both know that going to any trouble is hit or miss, so we don't worry about it. It's what works for us!

Which is all that matters really!

When a partner works away on a regular basis, there is no grand re-Union when they come home. It is just part of the normal routine and there are many who do not understand this.

From when my 3 were tiny up until their teens, my OH worked away a lot. The nature of his job meant that I did not know whether it would be days or weeks, sometimes months. We very rarely called each other while he was away and I certainly did not make big fuss about his return.

Like you I had several comments, many of them indicating what a hard hearted bitch I was. Ignore the ignorant, I say.

Y definitely NBU! You've had a really tough week - I don't know how you manage all of that and work too!

It does sound a lot when it's written down Twinkly but the DC are both teenagers now and it is a doddle compared to when they were babies/toddlers & I had to drop them off at Nursery and/or school and pick up from Nursery and After School Club after work & had bedtimes to supervise too.

DH used to come home on a Friday to a semi-comatose wife and a very messy house.

I now get an hour to myself every morning before I have to leave for work, after the DC have left to get their school buses, & they will help out with house stuff if asked. I also work from home a fair bit so I can be flexible on those days. It is definitely less exhausting now.