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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not make DH dinner on a Friday evening.

58 replies

BlazerTrail · 11/09/2015 20:05

DH works away most weeks and usually comes home at about 8.30 on Friday evening. My friend was surprised today when I told her that I don't make DH's dinner for him when he comes home.

My reasons for this are that I also work full time and cook dinner every evening, do housework and laundry so that there is usually only school uniforms to wash and some gardening to do at the weekend. Plus I drive the DC to and from their activities 3 weekday evenings. Some evenings I don't get to sit down until 9pm.

DH has Monday to Thursday weekday evenings free to meet up with friends, go to the cinema or just chill in front of the TV and only has to cook for himself or, more often, eat out or get a takeaway.

On Friday evenings I usually get to sit down at 7.30 with a cup of tea and that, to me, signals the end of the working week. At this point DH is sat on a train reading the paper or having a sleep.

I'll pick him up from the station at 8.30 and when we get home I'll tell him what's available for dinner and leave him to cook it. I'll then go and put my feet up, watch TV or whatever. This is what my friend finds so surprising as she thinks he has just travelled hundreds of miles to get home so it would be nice to have his dinner made for him. (All housework, childcare etc is shared equally between us over the weekend and then I take over everything on Sunday evenings). I'm sure DH would love to come home to a hot dinner but also doesn't complain that there isn't one and has to sort his own meal out.

AIBU to not cook DH dinner on a Friday evening to welcome him home?

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 11/09/2015 20:24

Not to bother cooking dinner after his has travelled hundreds of miles is selfish.

In my opinion, not to bother to cook for your wife after she has worked full time, cared for your children done all the housework all week and made sure you have no chores to do over the weekend is pretty selfish.

jazzandh · 11/09/2015 20:24

YANBU.....I wouldn't cook something especially at that time - but Fridays here are spaghetti or fish, and require no effort on my part (spaghetti bolgnese batch cooked and frozen, fish frozen with chips etc)

So I would bung it in the oven etc / put the spaghetti on whilst DH had a shower - and then return to the sofa!

Original poster
BlazerTrail · 11/09/2015 20:29

Ah, just spotted some posters who think IABU. I don't think he's living it up and don't resent him meeting up with friends, just mentioned that to show that his week is very different to mine in terms of responsibilities/commitments. (And to justifiy me not cooking as I'm pretty worn out by Friday evening whereas he's probably just had a couple of hours kip on the train)

It would be nice to spend Friday evening catching up over a quiet meal but the reality is that we're both so tired we just chill in front of the TV and chat about what we've been up to at different points over the weekend.

OP posts:
rosy71 · 11/09/2015 20:33

What do you ea on a Friday? Can't you just leave some for him? Or you could both have a takeaway. The last thing I would feel like doing at 8.30pm on Friday is cooking a meal, whichever one of you I was! (Currently eating spaghetti hoops on toast because I can't be bothered to cook!)

NotTodaySatan · 11/09/2015 20:35

Your mate is a handmaiden.

Original poster
BlazerTrail · 11/09/2015 20:36

Oooh, I envy you your spaghetti hoops on toast rosy71. My DC don't get the joy of 'something on toast' so don't often have anything like that.

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 11/09/2015 20:36

I would probably wait till he was home and order a takeaway and relax together.

TendonQueen · 11/09/2015 20:39

When I go away for work (usually just a few days at a time) it's easy compared to being at home. I can buy dinner and claim it on expenses and get my bathroom cleaned for me. If your DH is renting a room or flat rather than staying in a hotel it's a bit different, but still, one adult looking after themselves is by definition easier than an adult looking after themselves and three kids.

I echo the vote for a takeaway.

Original poster
BlazerTrail · 11/09/2015 20:40

I think my friend thinks he deserves a more celebratory welcome home NotToday but this is pretty much every week for us so just part of our routine and not a huge 'Daddy's home' moment. Although he obviously gets hugs from us all.

Not had the call to go to the station yet so clearly another delay - see, I'd be eating the sofa by now if I waited for him Grin

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 11/09/2015 20:41

I work away every other week. Currently single, but did it when married too.
Never had a meal waiting, never wanted one either.

For a start, I don't know if / when I'll be hungry, and what I'll fancy!

I don't want someone making me a beef stew if on the drive home I get a hunger for a service station cheese and pickle sandwich!

But food is so EASY these days. No-one needs to slave over anything.

My best friend's husband always gets home first on a Friday, and makes sure there is chilled Prosecco ready for her to share with him. Now THAT is a good marriage.

You're happy, you're husband is happy, your friend is weird!

ToffeeForEveryone · 11/09/2015 20:42

No, but I don't understand why you don't just make extra when you are making your tea and leave it for him to heat up when he gets in?

Cabrinha · 11/09/2015 20:42

Oh and I think going out to collect him is nice of you! I always found my own way home.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/09/2015 20:43

Dh works away a lot, though he is usually only away for one night, not several, as your dh is, Blazer. He often gets in pretty late, and I tend to cook something that he can reheat when he gets in. But my children are older - and in fact two of them are now either at university, and the other has graduated, got a job and moved out, so I don't have the workload that you do - and I don't work, so I do think it is reasonable for me to cook for dh.

But of course, all that matters is that your system suits you and your dh, and it sounds as if you are both happy with it - so crack on, and ignore your friend!

BrandNewAndImproved · 11/09/2015 20:44

Op don't you make a hot meal for you and the dc anyway?

I would dish up his plate while I dish up the dcs and put it in the microwave for when he gets home.

PunkrockerGirl · 11/09/2015 20:45

YANBU. I'm sure dh works hard during the week, but without the childcare, housework, laundry, cooking etc. that you have to do as well as working ft. You damn well deserve to put your feet up on a Friday.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 11/09/2015 20:48

I don't blame you for eating earlier - my partner won't be home until past 10 probably. The chicken takeaway he's picking up for us seems far too long away - I've eaten a snickers and smarties in the last couple of hours Blush. Cooking for kids, and having to wait for him to come in so grown-ups could eat together, I'd probably end up licking their plates clean!

You do what you do, it obviously works for your family. That's all that matters!

Original poster
BlazerTrail · 11/09/2015 20:48

As mentioned before, Friday night is a kind of updated 'chippy tea' night in that I make Pizza or Burgers for the DC and myself as a treat for the end of the week. This isn't stuff that tastes good heated up a few hours later.

I could make something heatableupable (it's a word!) but I'm tired on a Friday so make something easy.

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 11/09/2015 20:50

Those saying 'just plate up what you have and leave it for him to heat up'- surely this doesn't apply to a lot of meals? For example tonight we had Moroccan style lamb chops, cous cous and raita. That would be vile if left in the microwave to heat up!

Original poster
BlazerTrail · 11/09/2015 20:51

Not sure I could sleep if I'd eaten chicken takeaway after 10pm MrsGently. The Snickers and Smarties sound good though.

OP posts:
StampyMum · 11/09/2015 21:17

My DH works away a couple of times a week (stays over) and I have to admit, I always welcome him home with a meal, candles lit, a fire unless it's summer Blush
He always brings me a bunch of flowers and usually wine. Even if I've eaten earlier, I'll have a wee something with him. If it's really cold, I have his jammies warming on a hot water bottle in bed... I am aware that this looks a bit mental, but it's just how we are. I work too, and I'm an unapologetic feminist, but stuff like this makes both of us so happy. So anyway, OP, YANBU, but yeah, I don't quite get why you don't want to sit and eat together, even if it's just a slice of cheese and a glass of wine.

cremeeggboycotter · 11/09/2015 21:30

YANBU. Has your DH ever asked or hinted to you to? At half 8 all I'd want is a tin of soup!

Original poster
BlazerTrail · 11/09/2015 21:40

That doesn't look mental StampyMum, it looks lovely but it's just not us.

We've just got back from the station and I asked him in the car on the way back if he ever wished he came home to a hot dinner. He laughed and said no, it's too late. He's now in the kitchen making a chicken sandwich & chatting to the cat (suspect the cat is hanging around for the chicken rather than the conversation).

I guess we all just do what works for our own relationships and this seems to work for us.

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 11/09/2015 21:40

YANBU
Can't he just eat on the train anyway?

Original poster
BlazerTrail · 11/09/2015 21:49

I'd probably do that ceeveebee but he tends to sleep on journeys. Had an hour and a half snooze this evening apparently.

OP posts:
cremeeggboycotter · 11/09/2015 22:04

I guess we all just do what works for our own relationships and this seems to work for us.

Very true. Never judge your relationship by anothers or let your friend try to judge yours.