Husband, badger and piss

[Drmum83]

AIBU?

We have laid some new turf on an area of garden which was wilderness.
It appears to have been dug up over night by badgers (we think) as we do occasionally see them at night.
My DH has now filled all of our nice cereal bowls with fresh milk as a 'deterrent' (fucking idiot). I think that'll just attract whole pissing families of badgers but his logic is that they'll be too busy feeding to dig.
He's currently decanting the milk into Tupperware boxes after I went mental.
I've read human piss can put them off and hence have just relieved myself on the bit of grass. Fuck knows what the neighbours must think...
Anyhows, AIBU to think the milk is a shit idea? I also wonder if anyone has any other ideas?
Thanks!

I can just picture you on a National Trust path shrieking "Get BACK on the PATH Gareth" as your DH relieves himself on a series of molehills MisguidedAngel

You see, I would love to have badgers in my garden.

I belive the fressh urine of an angry teenager to be the best.

First, prevoke teenager ( ask him to tidy room, or load the dishwasher ect)
Second, baracade yourself in the loo so teenager has to wee outside.
Third, enjoy sweet feeling of serenity as wildlife scamper away overcome with the stench of teenage angst.

Motion detected sprinkler system? A scarecrow with noisy chimes or similar might also work but you'd have to move it around.

Did you actually squat on your lawn? Why not just wee in a bucket or jug and pour it?!

I have a vague memory that in territorial species, the marking scent is provided by glands near the urethra. So that method (assuming humans are capable of scent- marking, which given our pathetic sense of smell I doubt) may not be the most effective.

I just had to open this because of the thread title...

But if they don't come back tonight because they think "Oh dear our favourite playground smells of piss, there goes the neighbourhood" etc your DH will think it's because he put milk out for them.

So you won't get the credit. Your micturation would have been in vain. Your excretion extraneous.

So I need a boy dog, a teenager and a lion? Neighbours have the former two, maybe I could pay them to give us their finest urine? Safari park not too far so lion shit not completely infeasible...
lurking - random bit of knowledge there? So maybe direct micturition wasn't completely dumb?!
balloonslayer - 'extraneous excretion' made me chuckle!

sounds like the area was a wildlife haven. What a shame it was turfed over

branleuse - it's literally only about 15 sq feet of lawn- we had a large bush there but it has died so had to come out really. There's still plenty of wilderness (and more lawn- they can dig up the established grass as it easily re knits with replacement the following morning) for the badgers to play in (I'm very happy to share the place with wildlife!) I just want to get the turf properly bedded in for a week or two before they play/forage there..

a boy dog, a teenager and a lion?

wasn't that C.S. Lewis' earlier work ?

Beginning to think my DH is actually really, really stupid.
He just said 'lion wee? So we have to import it from Africa?'

I'm sure there's a 'roaring' trade for lion urine exports to the UK as a badger deterrent! Knob!

Erm, so your dh is putting out a badger buffet and you're pissing on the lawn.

Is everything ok?

Hmmm ?

I've asked DH. His workmate reckons this is good stuff: www.pestcontrolsupplies.co.uk/scoot-fox-repellent-concentrate-100g?gclid=CN_H4eqp78cCFWQTwwodyK0P4g

So you're husband is hosting a party for a the wildlife in the area?! This won't go well.

For what it's worth, DH pissed in the garden when we had a fox problem, it did seem to help a bit.

lurkinghusband - I'll get on it. Thanks. Hope it was flown in fresh this morning from Kenya..

Just had abdominal surgery and it's hurting now because I'm laughing!

sodder - thanks. Will also take a look

This would make a great name for a bar.

I've never tried pissing on our lawn, but when our various dogs used to do it, it killed the grass, making the lawn patchy.

This thread is hilarious - the only anti-badger option I can see working is the fencing.

Next time wee into a some Tupperware then decant it onto the lawn. I do admire your brazen approach though.

Erm, so your dh is putting out a badger buffet and you're pissing on the lawn.

Is everything ok?

Have just got to this bit and sprayed my keyboard with milk...

Female wee might kill your grass, I bet you'll be able to tell where you squatted...

But yes, it has to be male wee, and it has to be male wee containing enough testosterone.

Also, you don't want hedgehogs that have drank milk in your garden. Your new grass will be smelly diarrhea central.