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AIBU?

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Original poster

to tell her to jog on? naming day

547 replies

bettyberry · 10/09/2015 14:40

Just received an invite to a naming ceremony.

Its a non-religious thing and is mostly people giving speeches and dedications to the children (Part of me is thinking of the scene in sleeping beauty where the fairies bestow gifts on the baby)

There is a dress code, a gift list (no deviating!) and strict instructions not to drink alcohol even though the venue has a bar. Hmm

There will be no food provided for the 'party' just snacks (crisps, nuts etc) or drinks apart from soda.

It is 3 hours long, early evening, right around dinner time.

The children haven't changed names, no blended family, marriage or ensuring DCs have the same surname etc (I'd still be a bit Hmm for these but understand the value of celebrating a 'new' family set up) parents have been together 10+years.

The children are 5 and 8.

To me it all feels a bit grabby (the specific gift list) and that the host (the DCs mother) is feeling a bit put out both her sisters have had babies recently and no one is interested in her spoilt children.

Please tell me I'm not going barmy and this really is just a 'look at me, I'm here! Look at me!' thing.

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Fatmomma99 · 15/09/2015 23:25

My mistake, Clear, and my apology. I've just read your post again and I do see that's clearly what you're saying. I read it originally completely the opposite of what you meant. Sorry, reading in too much of a hurry!

LaContessa, following that, I understand (I hope!) what you're saying. My personal experience is bleeding in here (and I hate posters to take over a thread with their issue), but I'm currently embroiled in a 3 year-long row with my DSis, which has been almost entirely made-up by her, and I think she has serious MH issues, brought on by the death of our dad. She has taken tiny kernels of truth and built up entire and elaborate scenarios, and involved her DC (now 17 and 14, but when it started 14 and 12) in every step of the way. Her family are not allowed to talk to me or DM without DSis having hissy fits, threatening suicide (in front of kids!!!!!) and screaming disloyalty.
To my DSis, you're either with her 150% (or more) or you are TOTALLY against her - not one word of criticism or questioning is acceptable to her. I feel SO sorry for her poor kids, who have been living with her ranting and fear that their mum is going to top herself for 3 years now (and my DSis is, of course, the victim in all this. And so, so plausible in all she spouts. If she posted on here, she would get SO much support, and I would be FLAMED to within an inch of my life, and the whole fucking thing is all in her head, and I just miss her!).

I would LOVE to have a conversation with my DN and DN, but to do so would be to put them in an impossible position - how can they reject or question someone who's (a) paranoid about rejection/questioning (b) at a risk of killing themselves? They can't, can they. So I absolutely can't try and give them my point of view, because it would push my sister over the fucking edge!

So I get what LaContessa is saying, but I would be the wrong person to say it, and (getting back to the thread) so would Betty.

regularbutpanickingabit · 16/09/2015 07:48

Fat Momma - of course you can tell them!! Poor kids must be distraught living like that. Knowing that other people see their mum for the person they see could make all the difference in the future. If you don't say anything then they are alone and coping in hell whilst thinking it must be normal. It isn't!!! You don't need to get in to detail but a brief 'things aren't always as they seem' and 'We love you very much and hope one day to be able to spend time with you' and 'I know things must be tough so I keep away so I won't put you in a position where you have to lie to yiur mum or deal with the fall out from your mum' might help more than you can imagine. Her making up stuff is going to be behaviour they get at home. Gaslighting. It's so damaging but always designed to make the victim look bad. They are kids and need to know you understand.

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2015 08:32

Oh, those poor kids fatmomma. The difficulty with paranoiacs is that you often end up going behind their backs in order to reduce the drama and consequently render their suspicions true Confused it's self-fulfilling prophecy.

I'm sure they must know their mum is not right. Could you drop a word to their teachers or someone like that, asking them to ask the kids how things are at home? That way they'd have someone external to talk to. Or depending on how internet-savvy your sister is, they could be encouraged to talk through their feelings on an anonymous site like this.

Original poster
bettyberry · 16/09/2015 13:00

Can I just point out the DCs do have a father, 2 grandmothers and many aunts/uncles who can all tell her (my sis) to grow the fuck up and challenge her behaviour but don't. Their father could easily nip all of this in the bud but he allows it too! I think he is under the thumb far more than he lets on tbh and I have seen it myself.

The DCs already know their mum is a bit of a crack pot because they notice how I am with my own and their aunt is with theirs how other parents are with each other. They also see how other children and their parents relationships are.

The eldest has commented before on mine and the OHs relationship because she thought it was weird we don't fight. Her parents fought over who's turn it was to change a nappy ffs. So the DCs know. They know more than anyone would give them credit for and tbh for me to suggest any of the above would get my sis back up even more than it already is and give her more reasons to drive a wedge between me and my relationships with other people although I can see hers imploding very soon.

OP posts:
DaddyDr · 16/09/2015 13:12

You say you know her quite well. Then its your DUTY to ask her why she's doing it and your DUTY again to tell us her answer.......Grin

Original poster
bettyberry · 16/09/2015 13:33

DaddyDr I can already answer that one!

  • She feels left out and tries desperately to make everything feel special to the point she tries so so hard its just painful and anything but special.
  • She lives in a disney bubble.
  • she hates not being centre of attention. (all the 'events' coincide with some other major life event with siblings and relatives meaning she tries to bring attention back on her)

I don't know her actual reasons. I am now curious to find out!

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Baconyum · 16/09/2015 19:01

I've been that kid with the constantly fighting parents, amongst other things making home a nightmare. Trust me kids know what is and isn't normal unless they're raised on an island with no TV. It's embarrassing and makes you dread going home and puts you off having friends round.

evelynj · 18/09/2015 23:24

Ah, you need to get her onto mumsnet. Not to link to this thread but she needs an education ffs

Original poster
bettyberry · 26/10/2015 18:30

So, I know some of you wanted an update...

  • the date was changed twice. Sis also kicked hubby out temporarily over the changing of the dates. Divorce was mentioned again also found out she has banned him from taking his phone to the bathroom but thats another story
  • one of the 'special parents' couldn't go
  • the ceremony involved sand. I am still trying to decipher FB posts as to what the sand is all about. I am a bit Hmm and Confused and Shock
  • Some one hired a Cinderella who is dancing like she is on pills. The videos are are just missing glowsticks and whistle! she is having a blast in her own little bubble. Bless.
  • They actually served up food! kids party food on Elsa plates but its food.
  • bar is still banned and there are pics of adults sipping from those teeny fruit shoot bottles. Its rather funny.
  • by the size of the gift table she is totally doing if for the presents
  • other sis is still banned

No drama yet but There's another 2 hours to go apparently.

still wondering WTaF the sand is all about...

OP posts:
TheCreepyContessaOfPlumperton · 26/10/2015 18:33

I am embarrassingly excited to see an update!! Halloween Grin

CruCru · 26/10/2015 18:34

My goodness.

DriverSurpriseMe · 26/10/2015 18:36

She's holding it on a MONDAY? I know you said weekday, but a Monday is the worst of all Grin

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 26/10/2015 18:37

Wow, sounds like you really missed a treat there OP Grin.

Original poster
bettyberry · 26/10/2015 18:37

haha TheCreepyContessaOfPlumperton I'm still reading random updates from relatives there. Ah FB!

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Original poster
bettyberry · 26/10/2015 18:39

DriverSurpriseMe it was meant to be tuesday, then thursday and somehow they ended up with a monday

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EduCated · 26/10/2015 18:43

You came back Halloween Grin

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/10/2015 18:45

The dh didnt jump at divorce? she handed it him on a platter and he didnt bite.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 26/10/2015 18:56

How many turned up in the end?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 26/10/2015 18:56

Me thinks they wanted others to foot the bill for christmas. Scrounging fuckers.

KitKat1985 · 26/10/2015 18:58
Halloween Shock
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/10/2015 19:01

Hopefully some kind soul will put some photos on Facebook soon.

MrsJorahMormont · 26/10/2015 19:05

New to this thread. Consider me Shock

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/10/2015 19:08

The sand is symbolic. SYMBOLIC. Probably. Grin

Arfarfanarf · 26/10/2015 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bettyberry · 26/10/2015 19:12

It looks like there are around 10 kids. maybe about 15-20 adults.

The dress code went out the window. There are folk wearing hoodies and trainers.

There are FB videos. It just looks like a kids birthday party.

I don't think I'll see many more pics until tomorrow.

It's all gone very quiet.

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