To think not everyone is cut out for a full time job?

[LidlSoph]

Hi all,

I've had my Accounts Administator job for around 2 months now. I really enjoy what I do, but I feel so overwhelmed and physically/mentally from working 9-5.30, Monday to Friday. I know I'm fortunate to have the job, but that's isn't any consolation really.

Just over 3 weeks ago I had a MC at 10+ weeks, and I've never felt so alone and sad. I'm feeling better each day, although I treasure my baby, but I'm still exhausted and physically/mentally drained. I don't think the MC is the only thing to blame because I've felt this way since week 1 of starting my job!

I won't go into too much detail, but in a nutshell I have a pestering ongoing health condition (that is yet to be diagnosed and treated). This has been going on for 2 years now. Believe me, I've pestered and begged for answers long enough, but no tests are revealing anything and all Doctors seem to be outstanding blas??.

The issue is, I'm pulling my hair out over it because not only is it effecting my work life (vomiting blood into a toilet every half hour or so, taking up lots of time to my bosses announce), but my boss is really pushing and is getting upsettingly impatient and keeps making comments such as "you need to stand your ground and get answers mate" or "why don't you know what's wrong" etc. These things are all very distressing to hear and I just don't know what to do. On one side I get that I'm negatively impacting the company by being sick, but on another it's NOT my fault and there's nothing I can do! My next specialst appointment is in November and my boss is angry and says make it sooner, but that's not possible. I try to take as little time off as I can humanely manage (about 1/2 days a month when I'm so sick I can't walk or need to go to hospital), but my boss gets pissy if I'm really sick at work and asks "why don't you go home" but I cannot because I can't afford to

I feel like forgetting the whole thing and getting a part time job in a supermarket or something! I'm at my wits end, my bones are shaking by the end of the day and I go home and sleep, which works out as me going to bed at around 8.30 after tea, which really concerns my DP.

I was a ludicrously ambitious child but now I'm an adult, I'm just so down. Life is just living whilst I have this job.

What's your advice? Please don't think I've wrote a post to be demanding pitty, sorry if it comes across that way.

Thank you x x x x

Whatever the cause, that sounds like a really disabling condition; I'm not surprised you're exhausted. You seem to be blaming yourself by saying you're 'not cut out for FT work', whereas it sounds to me that lots of people wouldn't go into work at all (& I wouldn't blame them). You sound a little depressed, TBH (again with ill health, a shitty boss and a MC to deal with, I'm not surprised.)

It sounds like your work is making things worse--you say you can't afford to be off sick. Is that because you only get statutory pay? Does your company have an occupational health department? Your boss is a bully and needs his backside kicking by someone in authority.

Hiya dontrunwithscissors. It's not even stationary pay, if I don't work, I literally get payed 0.

The only exception is if you're off for more than a week, then you get stationary sick pay. There's no occupational health department etc, which is a pain.

I just feel like I'm no use to the company and although they love my work, they're not happy that me being sick during the day is so time consuming.

Yesterday my boss got me in his office and said ''I'm going to ask you a question and if you lie to me I'll sack you on the spot", so I said okay (I've nothing to hide), and he said "Are you still being sick? You spend so much time in the toilet" - I replied well yes and he's now saying "every time you're sick tell me".

I find this really hard to do because I'll be nipping in and announcing my vomit every 5 minutes!

Thank you for saying he is an arse by the way lol

If tests haven't shown up anything else could it be cyclical vomiting syndrome?

Hi Bernice, don't think so because it's pure blood I'm bring up, not vomit/sick if you know what I mean.

The temptation to text him a photo of the bowl every time for 'helpful proof' must be immense. Sorry you are going through all this.

BestZebbie, thank you. It's nice to have clarification that I'm not being unreasonably pathetic about it all.

My own family are fed up really, my Grandmother rolls her eyes and sighs if she hears me consoling about anything to my Mum.

That's rubbish about the pay--I didn't know they can get away without paying anything for the first week. I guess that you've already considered going to your GP to get signed off for a while? From the sound of it, your company doesn't have a 'dignity at work' or bullying policy?

I am appalled reading this!.Go to the doctor and get yourself signed off sick.You can't continue like this!Push for an earlier appointment

Sounds very tough. I imagine though that it must be very frustrating for an employer though if you're out sick a couple of days a month particularly in the early days of the jib. Perhaps it would be best all round if you opted for a less demanding told.

OP--I completely disagree with the PP about a 'less demanding' role. You're sick. This has nothing to do at all with competency. In my place of work, your boss would not get away with treating someone this way. It's not acceptable, but I can see that you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Your boss really should not be saying this. I don't think that legally you are allowed to threaten to sack someone - are you a contract worker? contact Acas.

The problem isn't your job, it's your health.

I'm sorry to hear you lost your baby.

I believe that emotions play a big part in health - few people agree with me - but having a MC is a traumatic experience imo. I would say you need some careful counseling and a chance to recover from that and to be able to move on. I would suggest that your illness is related to this.

Speak to your GP, perhaps go privately for counseling to speed things up.

The OP has said the condition has been there for 2 years--it can't therefore be due to the MC (although I can only imagine how devastating it was); I really do think that repeatedly vomiting blood is far beyond the power of psychological trauma to cause physical symptoms.

SSP is payable after the first three days that you're off, unless you've been sick in the last eight weeks and are eligible for it again. It sounds like you're being fleeced. Please call 0300 200 3500 for HMRC's helpline to check out your circumstances.

With all due respect I have to question whether you are fit to work if you need to vomit blood on a regular daily basis. Would you not be better claiming sickness benefit? Was your condition disclosed during your interview?

Have you passed probation?

for your loss. I've been there and its a crap place to be. I had many late miscarriages, and I found that it completely changed my outlook on my career.
I had a pretty stellar and extremely lucrative career, top of my field, worked all over the world at the personal request of various governments, and I loved it, not boasting, just trying to offer my experiences.
After our first miscarriage, and then the subsequent ones I just felt too tired and too drained, like life had sapped too much out of me for there to be enough left for my career. I've been through some bad stuff in life, including sexual abuse as a child, teen and adult, but nothing drained me like losing my babies.

I decided that it was time for me retire from my career, we own a ranch in South America, so we headed out there permanently. It's the best decision I ever made, its given me the headspace to heal and recover. We have a toddler DS, and I have cancer now, but I really needed the change of pace. My ex DP, who is now our foreman, said that the change in me is subtle but very noticeable.

Please be gentle with yourself, its still very early days and you don't sound well at all. I'm not very hot on UK employment law, but what your boss is doing sounds like harassment, is there anyone you could go to for advice?

Op there must be some sickness benefit you can claim, surely this condition classes as a disability?
Could your dps wage support both of you?
Surely you must feel permanently exhausted. There are few jobs you can do surely while being sick every few minutes.

And your family are unsympathetic

If you've had the condition for two years as you say and it affects you substantially on a day to day basis, you might want to look into your rights under the Equalities Act, formerly the Disability Discrimination Act. As a former union rep, I would think that you are likely to be covered by it. Can you go to the CAB for some advice or are you a union member?

Brief outline here

If you are vomiting blood multiple times a day then you are not fit to be at work. I'm surprised you haven't been admitted to hospital to be honest. Have you at least been referred to a specialist for investgations? You need to go back to your GP, tell them that you are still vomiting blood frequently throughout the day and that it's preventing you from doing your job as well as impacting your mental health.

There's nothing wrong with the sickness policy. Employers don't have to pay anything at all and SSP doesn't kick in until the fourth day off. And it's only about ??50 a week.

So sorry to hear about your sickness OP. I hope you get some answers soon.

Sorry I fell asleep and left my own post!

TheMotherOfAllHellBeats, I'm so so sorry for what you went through and are going through, big unmumsnetty hugs to you.

Thank you for all the advice, I think I'll be calling some people to see where I stand. I've spoken to numerous GPs and they all try and prescribe me a higher dose of antidepressants when I mentioned it effecting my everyday life.

I feel like a huge burden on the company I work for too. Might be useful to add that this is his company solely, he's the owner, so not too sure where I stand legally there? I'm not self employed, I have a fixed contract of 40 hours a week. I don't have the guts to right myself off... I'm not sure of a probation period? But since it's only been 2 months, I feel a right cheek upping and leaving for sick leave.

Thank you again everyone

You're vomiting blood every day and your GPs prescribe antidepressants?!!?! And they've never thought to refer you for a gastroscopy?! Really??

Sorry for you recent loss