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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think not everyone is cut out for a full time job?

61 replies

LidlSoph · 09/09/2015 19:25

Hi all,

I've had my Accounts Administator job for around 2 months now. I really enjoy what I do, but I feel so overwhelmed and physically/mentally from working 9-5.30, Monday to Friday. I know I'm fortunate to have the job, but that's isn't any consolation really.

Just over 3 weeks ago I had a MC at 10+ weeks, and I've never felt so alone and sad. I'm feeling better each day, although I treasure my baby, but I'm still exhausted and physically/mentally drained. I don't think the MC is the only thing to blame because I've felt this way since week 1 of starting my job!

I won't go into too much detail, but in a nutshell I have a pestering ongoing health condition (that is yet to be diagnosed and treated). This has been going on for 2 years now. Believe me, I've pestered and begged for answers long enough, but no tests are revealing anything and all Doctors seem to be outstanding blas??.

The issue is, I'm pulling my hair out over it because not only is it effecting my work life (vomiting blood into a toilet every half hour or so, taking up lots of time to my bosses announce), but my boss is really pushing and is getting upsettingly impatient and keeps making comments such as "you need to stand your ground and get answers mate" or "why don't you know what's wrong" etc. These things are all very distressing to hear and I just don't know what to do. On one side I get that I'm negatively impacting the company by being sick, but on another it's NOT my fault and there's nothing I can do! My next specialst appointment is in November and my boss is angry and says make it sooner, but that's not possible. I try to take as little time off as I can humanely manage (about 1/2 days a month when I'm so sick I can't walk or need to go to hospital), but my boss gets pissy if I'm really sick at work and asks "why don't you go home" but I cannot because I can't afford to

I feel like forgetting the whole thing and getting a part time job in a supermarket or something! I'm at my wits end, my bones are shaking by the end of the day and I go home and sleep, which works out as me going to bed at around 8.30 after tea, which really concerns my DP.

I was a ludicrously ambitious child but now I'm an adult, I'm just so down. Life is just living whilst I have this job.

What's your advice? Please don't think I've wrote a post to be demanding pitty, sorry if it comes across that way.

Thank you x x x x

OP posts:

Sukkii25 · 10/09/2015 03:19

If you are vomiting blood every half hour I suggest you see another Doctor. I am kinda with your boss here, you are puking in the toilets when you should be working. Get signed off work and get to the bottom of the problem.

FishWithABicycle · 10/09/2015 06:19

"Some people just aren't cut out for a full time job" is a silly conclusion.

"Some people are too ill to work full time" isn't.

You are ill. You are also depressed and grieving for your lost baby. Be kind to yourself. A part time job in a supermarket isn't going to be possible if you have to go and vomit ever half hour. Your current employment sounds awful with a bullying boss and possibly illegal hr policies. Get out of there ASAP. Could you do something freelance from home e.g. being a virtual PA (wild guess, no idea of your skills/qualifications) that would give you the flexibility to be ill when you need to but work and earn when you can.

OllyBJolly · 10/09/2015 07:26

I don't see where the boss is bullying and I also don't see any illegal HR policies. The boss would have been within their rights to dismiss the OP before now. He hasn't. In my view the OP is not fit for work.

The OP has has the job for two months and has had several absences and been very ill at work hroughout this time. Vomiting blood is a very serious symptom (and it sounds as if it's more than ruptured vessels from violent vomiting). I can't imagine how worrying this must be for the OP, but can imagine how frustrating and upsetting it is for the boss and the OP's colleagues.

I would camp out at the doctors and insist on an immediate referral to a specialist. In my experience vomiting blood has resulted in immediate admission to hospital. Waiting several months for an appointment is not acceptable. This can't go on.

Scoobydoo8 · 10/09/2015 07:27

I would say counseling is the way to go, I can't understand why the GPs want to give you ADs but not counseling. Tell them you need some urgent counseling.

Battling your boss or the NHS or the benefit system will be even more stressful.

WeirdCatLadySaysFuckOffJeffrey · 10/09/2015 08:13

OP, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this, I don't know anything about your legal position with sick pay but I have to say, you need to find another GP. Have you done any research for yourself on what might be causing this? Might be worth looking into it in case you can make any suggestions (I know you shouldn't have to but I know from personal experience that sometimes you have to do it).

As for 'not being cut out for full time work', yes, I'm a believer that some people, who have mental or physical health issues, are NOT cut out for it. I had to leave my job ten years ago because the stress was literally killing me. I would strongly urge you to check out ESA but be aware that you will probably only get it for one year. Our lifestyle took a huge financial hit when I gave up work but it was, in all honesty, the best decision I ever made.

I hope you can get something sorted soon.

BoskyCat · 10/09/2015 08:22

If you are vomiting blood (for whatever reason, which needs to be investigated) you could be anaemic which will contribute to the exhaustion.

Tbh if I was you I would be down to A&E. The GP should have referred you for tests, I know mine would have. If you can't get any action from them, an A&E doctor may get you into hospital there and then.

If possible, keep some of what you vomit up, I know that's gross but that might be useful for them.

Bakeoffcake · 10/09/2015 08:26

Please go back to your Dr and insist he makes an emergency appointment to be seen at the hospital much sooner than November.

Bakeoffcake · 10/09/2015 08:28

Going to A &E is a very good idea Buskey and I agree you must be very anaemic OP.

Maursh · 10/09/2015 08:42

I don't think that your boss is bullying, even if it seems that way. I think that he would like to help, would like you to get better but doesn't know what he can do. Standing by the sidelines when you can see someone is very ill and doesn't seem capable of obtaining the help that they need.

You know your boss, but I expect if you called in and told him you were camping out in A&E today until you were seen, he would be very supportive!

Have I understood that all your GP has done is prescribed anti-depressants and after two years finally referred you to a specialist? I would ask for a second opinion!

pinkdelight · 10/09/2015 09:07

Your boss sounds gruff in the way he puts it but I agree with PP that he sounds concerned. This situation you describe it untenable. Imagine if you recruit a new employee and they're so ill they have to vomit blood every half an hour! He's right to say you need answers, but obviously it's just added to your stress. He can't just let it go on though. Which doesn't mean he wants to fire you, but you really aren't fit for work and should be signed off sick. It's not a matter of affording it. You're ill. There must be some support available. Please go back to your GP and don't be fobbed off with anti-d's. At the very least you need time to rest and take care of yourself.

Bunbaker · 10/09/2015 09:19

"You're vomiting blood every day and your GPs prescribe antidepressants?!!?! And they've never thought to refer you for a gastroscopy?! Really??"

This

I second the idea that you take a sample of the bloody vomit to your GP. You need an urgent gastroscopy. If he won't refer you ring 111. I'm pretty sure they will ask you to go to A & E.

OwenMeanysArmadillo · 10/09/2015 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 10/09/2015 10:04

Last year I had a couple of bouts of pneumonia/peribronchitis and some months later, with a new chest infection, a tiny tiny trace of blood in my phlegm (sorry) and only just escaped being whisked into hospital for days on end for tests. Vomiting blood repeatedly several times a day means something is really up and I agree that hospital would, tbh, be a far better place for you than work. You need to be demanding answers now, not waiting until November. It's not going to help your job in the long term if you go on like this and end up completely breaking down health-wise.

I also agree that your boss sounds concerned, though he is going about it in a clumsy and bumbling way to say the least. I would guess he is frustrated and a little alarmed at your symptoms and the way you are responding to them.

Nobody's 'not cut out' for FT work in themselves, but there are states of mind/health which make it inadvisable to impossible, and I think you are currently in such a state. It's not your fault. Get yourself seen and taken care of properly, please.

OneDay103 · 10/09/2015 10:19

This is ridiculous! You're vomiting blood every day and the doctors are sending you off with AD? That's not right at all. It seems like you need to see a doctor urgently rather than wait for November. I can understand from an employer pov, that it seems like you are not pulling your wait but that's not your fault. Can you pay privately to see a good doctor who can refer you ASAP.

WoodleyPixie · 10/09/2015 10:45

He sounds like he's trying to get you to get answers. There's a chance he's happy with your work and sees potential for you to be a fab employee. I think if he didn't think you were a good employee he would have used your probationary period to dismiss you.

I am going to be tough here and say, I can't believe that you haven't sought out a new gp or gone to the hospital yourself. Why on earth would you continue with this every day without seeking help?

Original poster

LidlSoph · 10/09/2015 10:55

Sorry, should've explained myself a little better to begin with.

I've seen several Gastric specialists, at different hospitals. I was referred there because of repeated visits to A&E, not to do with my hopeless GP. Again, A&E don't do anything, trust me, I've been there countless times that I know their decor inside out.

The gastric specialists I've seen have given me 2 endoscopes (where they put a camera down to find where the blood is coming from, be it the gut, stomach or throat, and nothing! That's why they're baffled and are so blas??.

As mentioned before, numerous tests have been carried out. What else can I do? My follow up appointment is in November. I can't get a shorter time, I've pleaded when I received the letter.

Might I add that the first time I went to A&E vomiting blood, he sent me away saying it was stress I was fucking fuming and so was my Mum.

The gastro team have given me lanzoprazole (to help line the stomach), that's it!

OP posts:

dontrunwithscissors · 10/09/2015 12:23

Threatening to sack her in that waywhen presumably the OP has been open with her boss about the problemsis unacceptable and I would think is skirting close to breaking employment law.

I agree, OP, that you really should be on sick leave, but that doesn't help if you are trapped financially. What does your GP say about the treatment you're receiving? IME, when the NHS is really stretched, it will let people who don't shout up bumble along. Have you asked your GP to try to push things along? Or even considered putting in a complaint in via PALS?

Original poster

LidlSoph · 10/09/2015 12:57

He thinks there's nothing they can do if all tests they're doing (and repeating), are coming up with nothing.

I haven't complained to PALS, no. That's a good idea, but I've heard they're not very good. Worth a shot though!

OP posts:

MaddyinaPaddy · 10/09/2015 13:13

What do you actually mean you are vomitting blood? Are you vomitting a lot and the vomit is bloodstreaked?that is normal.but WHY are you vomitting so much? Are you making yoursel sick? Do you feel nauseous? is it anxiety? Are you better at weekends? Are you taking anti-emetics??

MaddyinaPaddy · 10/09/2015 13:14

Sorry that sounded like an inquisition, I am just wondering why the GP is so casual about it.

Original poster

LidlSoph · 10/09/2015 13:24

Hi Maddy, no problem.

No vomit at all, it's pure blood. It does ease a little at weekends but that's because it's better when I'm less stressed. I don't feel nauseous or anything. No anxiety either really, apart from sitting in my bosses office!

OP posts:

Scoobydoo8 · 10/09/2015 14:12

Is it bright red blood - then more likely to be from nose or mouth I would think. It would be a bit diluted with stomach contents and stomach acid if from stomach.

velocitykate · 10/09/2015 15:59

If you have that much blood coming up and two gastroscopies have been normal, then you need to have your nose, throat, chest and teeth looked at. So, see your dentist to get your teeth checked and your GP or Gastroenterologist should refer you to ENT and a chest physician.

I'm sure you would probably be quite cut out for a full time job if you didn't have these ongoing health problems and a recent miscarriage to boot. Your boss doesn't seem to be helping matters either from what you have written.

Good luck with it, I hope they find the problem soon so they can treat it.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 10/09/2015 16:45

Are you perhaps coughing it up more than vomiting? If gastro tests have been clear I would suspect a lung issue. Which is no less urgent for all that.

cailindana · 10/09/2015 16:51

If you're vomiting blood multiple times a day then it's likely you're very anaemic - are you on iron tablets?

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