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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

quitting FB. Aibu? Anyone want to join me going cold turkey?

82 replies

CatEyeFlick · 08/09/2015 17:41

i am 29 hours 39 minutes facebook free. I decided to deactivate because it wasn't doing my mental health any good, nor my relationship

I was wasting hours on it and not actually getting anything positive from it so just asked myself, why am I actually doing this to myself?

it was making me dislike people I actually like in RL and turning me into a bit of a bitch tbh, scrolling through my feed and just sneering, even my own family members :(

I was also getting insecure seeing occasions where people have met up and I wasn't invited. and then finding myself competing with stuff I was doing socially if that makes sense, Ie always making sure I tag myself at places with the people I was with. and trying to post the most flattering photogenic pics of myself and dcs etc. sad behaviour really in a 35 year old mum of 3

am in loads of groups and was finding I was constantly chatting on them and often ignoring my own kids which makes me a bit sad and ashamed

Only one fucker has text me though since I came off Hmm

anyway its harder than giving up smoking tbh. WAY harder. so is anyone else doing this or has done this and want to join my thread? PLEASE?

OP posts:
Married2Drogo · 08/09/2015 17:50

I closed my FB account a couple of months ago because certain people were pissing me right off and I just got sick of hiding all the crap from my newsfeed. Best thing ever did. Don't miss it AT ALL.

Do it - you won't regret it Smile

daisychicken · 08/09/2015 17:55

The only reason I haven't left is because I belong to a couple of good groups - people who are not "friends" but have a similar interest to me. If I left, I'd lose this. Otherwise, yes I would be joining in.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 08/09/2015 17:59

yeah I do miss a few people on my groups already, tbh its the real life people that have made me leave lol

if I do permanently leave though I will log on once to give other contact details ie email / whatsapp

do you really not miss it Married ? did you even miss it in the beginning when you first came off? I really miss it but don't know if its just the habit

OP posts:
Notimefortossers · 08/09/2015 18:21

OMG OP I could have written that post myself about a year ago. I de-activated, but found I really missed the school page as I need reminding about school trips/fundraisers etc. I also didn't want to lose all my years of status' - the children's landmarks, funny things they'd said etc.
So I re-activated but changed my name to something random, locked down my privacy settings and deleted all my friends - no friends = no news feed. So I basically just used it for a free messaging service and for the school page.
I was much happier and so were my kids. But do expect to be a bit forgotten. Sadly, the world mostly lives on fb now and out of sight out of mind. Recently my 'friends' 'forgot' to invite me to my best friends surprise birthday gathering.
I was upset about that, but mostly I don't care about that sort of thing and I feel the benefits outweigh the negatives . . . but that's me.
After a 7 month complete break I have added a few people back now, mostly family, or close friends that live far away . . . started with people who'd been (nicely) hassling me to come back, but has grown to about 40 people now. Which is fine. There's still not enough on my news feed to keep me on there for a long time and my long break has taught me a lot about how to use it

Married2Drogo · 08/09/2015 18:43

cat I was so pissed off at the time I de-activated that I didn't miss it one jot. Only thing I sometimes miss now is perusing the local selling page - but that often used to rile me too with all the atrocious spelling and general rudeness Wink

Notimefortossers · 08/09/2015 18:47

Now I get riled and spend hours on MN instead (she said whilst ignoring her children ;) )

usual · 08/09/2015 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jannrooo · 08/09/2015 18:54

This is perfect for me too. Just deleted the FB app - but not Messenger - from my phone last week. I kept Messenger so I can still have people get in touch which is really the only useful feature anyway. Since I deleted the app, I have logged on three times on my laptop to check notifications but that is WAY less than previous hours logged daily. And I am bored now when I'm on it and get off quickly! I know this isn't cold turkey but not sure I could do that so weaning slowly! Feel so much better for it and actually not missing it much anymore. The first few days were hardest. Or perhaps I've just substituted it for MN..... Grin

Blarblarblar · 08/09/2015 18:54

Been nearly 3 years for me and I don't miss it one bit. I've had an unannounced pregnancy/baby/new job/ learned to drive And do you know what it was more important more fantastic to call people or get to tell them IRL.
I have so much more to say to pals in RL now we haven't seen every significant event already on FB.
If it was making you unhappy you don't need it.

Jannrooo · 08/09/2015 18:55

Yep ditto. cross post notime and usual.

Perfectlypurple · 08/09/2015 18:58

I deactivated over a year ago. Went back on for a few weeks earlier this year but came off it again. I don't miss it. I never posted anyway, just used it for being nosy!

JuneFromBethesda · 08/09/2015 18:59

I've not been on FB for years and I don't miss it in the slightest. It brought out the worst in me, (over)fed my innate nosiness, made me feel dissatisfied with my life and inadequate compared to other people's shiny happy lives full of beautifully filtered photos, made me sneery too.

Yes, I probably miss out on some stuff but I'm perfectly content without it. It's possible to maintain good friendships and a decent social life without Facebook - who knew? Wink

My youngest starts school next week and the class rep for her class has set up a FB group to keep everyone informed. I emailed her to ask politely if important stuff could be communicated by email (the way every rep for my elder daughter's class has for the last three years) and she begrudgingly agreed but suggested that I get myself onto FB anyway. Erm - no thanks ...

Needinghelp1 · 08/09/2015 19:15

This is really pathetic but it kind of makes me stressed that a lot of people do seem to use it to make their lives seem fabulous but because checking in places and bring boastful feels wrong for me I am now at a place where I think 'well why shouldn't I do it too'.

I haven't done that yet but I have thought that a few times and therefore it could potentially change my values and that's not right.

Needinghelp1 · 08/09/2015 19:16
  • being boastful
Blarblarblar · 08/09/2015 19:21

needinghelp that's it but much more eloquently put than I could, it did change values

Wrcgirl · 08/09/2015 19:23

I deleted my account about two or three years ago. Real friends kept in contact other ways. Don't miss it a bit.

evelynj · 08/09/2015 19:25

I have a love hate relationship with it but currently no mobile so need it to stay in touch. Trouble is, I use it instead. Of email. Defo need to limit my time on it somehow tho. I really want to read all the books I have backlogged but alway 'just check' & it's such a time waste even though I'm mostly a lurker & liker. Then I get worried that my friends will be sick of seeing me liking too many things, wtf?!

cabbageleaf · 08/09/2015 19:35

I closed my account three years ago because it was making me feel dreadfully insecure. Reading about how fabulous other people's lives seemed to be, looking at pictures of the exciting things they seemed to do and the number of friends they seemed to have didn't do me any good, it made me feel like a complete loser, even though my life is absolutely average as far as my social life goes. I haven't looked back since - I sometimes miss it, I enjoyed following some people from university I don't see otherwise, but I feel much happier about my own life. And I really don't miss reading all those things that most people share and then appear ten times on your newsfeed.

I completely lost touch with a group of people I used to go out with every now and then, but they weren't real friends or my not being on FB would not have been a problem. Apart from that, I have never heard of a single event I was not invited to simply because I'm not on FB. I know quite a lot of people who aren't on FB anymore, or never have been, and they all manage to have a perfectly normal social life!

Needinghelp1 · 08/09/2015 19:36

Just to give you an indication though of RL vs FB life someone I know with new wedding pic as cover pic has recently found out DH is cheating. You'd never ever ever ever have an indication of this online and rightly so. Just to kind of show that real life with all its messiness does march on.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 08/09/2015 21:07

This is really pathetic but it kind of makes me stressed that a lot of people do seem to use it to make their lives seem fabulous but because checking in places and bring boastful feels wrong for me I am now at a place where I think 'well why shouldn't I do it too'

yep THIS ^ 10000%

and also I thought if people are looking down at me how I look down at a lot of them, its really not healthy to be looking at people's lives you don't like, and also have people seeing into your life who don't like you?

its actually quite awful how much it has made me dislike people :(

OP posts:
Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 08/09/2015 21:08

am now about 33 hours facebook free

OP posts:
Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 08/09/2015 21:11

and oh god needinghelp defo over the last year dh and I have had relate counselling and nearly split up plus had the most awful family problems

no one would know it from fb its all happy shiny pics, nights out presents he had bought me, house buying plans...god I bet people were hating me

despite stuff thats gone on though I actually love him way more than I care about anyone on fb which is one of the reasons I have ditched it, I do think it can be toxic for relationships

OP posts:
hollieberrie · 08/09/2015 21:35

I left 3 years ago as it was making me feel so insecure and left out. My issues I know but I just couldn't handle it and I am so much happier now that I am blissfully unaware of things I haven't been invited to!

Real friends have kept in touch and a couple of them have also left Facebook in the last year, I think more people are getting disillusioned with it OP so you are not alone!
I won't ever go back. The thought of it totally freaks me out now! A much happier living my life in reality rather than virtually Smile

AliceScarlett · 08/09/2015 21:47

Keep going, i love how my life is now fb free #luckylady Angry No, seriously, its great!

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 08/09/2015 21:53

I enjoy it, but then - I don't live it.

If you're unable to make the distinction between real life & FB then quitting may be for the best, but for me it's just a tool & can be very useful.

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