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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

quitting FB. Aibu? Anyone want to join me going cold turkey?

82 replies

CatEyeFlick · 08/09/2015 17:41

i am 29 hours 39 minutes facebook free. I decided to deactivate because it wasn't doing my mental health any good, nor my relationship

I was wasting hours on it and not actually getting anything positive from it so just asked myself, why am I actually doing this to myself?

it was making me dislike people I actually like in RL and turning me into a bit of a bitch tbh, scrolling through my feed and just sneering, even my own family members :(

I was also getting insecure seeing occasions where people have met up and I wasn't invited. and then finding myself competing with stuff I was doing socially if that makes sense, Ie always making sure I tag myself at places with the people I was with. and trying to post the most flattering photogenic pics of myself and dcs etc. sad behaviour really in a 35 year old mum of 3

am in loads of groups and was finding I was constantly chatting on them and often ignoring my own kids which makes me a bit sad and ashamed

Only one fucker has text me though since I came off Hmm

anyway its harder than giving up smoking tbh. WAY harder. so is anyone else doing this or has done this and want to join my thread? PLEASE?

OP posts:
MrsTedCrilly · 08/09/2015 22:04

I want to join you! I did it earlier in the year and felt so good. Went back on to let people know my dad has passed and haven't deactivated again. There are bits I like, I don't see many people so it's nice to message and to share in positive things in peoples lives. But the boasting and check-ins make me feel insecure and unfulfilled and I don't know why, I love my partner and baby and have a contented life! Confused

It feels strange seeing the ins and outs of peoples lives, people who I vaguely knew at school and haven't been in touch with since.. But I know what they ate for dinner. People I never would have seen again.. At the same time I like that more people can stay in touch who wouldn't have normally.

Also you end up wondering why some statuses get loads of likes and your really interesting one didn't Angry

So many things! Okay I'm coming off Grin

Needinghelp1 · 08/09/2015 22:22

Yes I am now hangs head ashamed to say I HAVE looked at people's profiles I don't like. Agree CatEye unhealthy Blush

Needinghelp1 · 08/09/2015 22:25

Everyone I'm sure though could 'check in' but just feel too weird about it to do so? I'm a perfectionist and so I did one check in is have to do it all - and then I would be a weirdo!

Oh God it's just too much. Esp for people like me.

Needinghelp1 · 08/09/2015 22:25

If I did I'd have to.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 09/09/2015 09:03

I enjoy it, but then - I don't live it

see if I could do that then I think I could be on it, I was "living" it, as you describe it iknowiam v unhealthy

join me mrsted I totally know what you mean re insecurity about getting "likes" I had got to the stage where if my status hadn't been liked a few times in say half an hour, I would just delete the status as I didn't want to appear unpopular may I say again I AM 35 fgs

needinghelp glad not just me. it seems to really turn some people quite unpleasant (I include myself in this) :(

the other day I had a massive, public argument over the migrant crisis with a woman I have been friends with since we were 5, as i felt her opinions were bigoted and i couldnt help saying so. i should have just left it, but my reaction made me sad and embarrassed I wouldn't have spoken to her like that in RL

anyway now 45 hours (ish) since I have been on. now tbh this is a difficult time as mornings post school run is where I would check fb sit on it for hours getting sucked in

OP posts:
Needinghelp1 · 09/09/2015 09:40

I honestly think coming off it is admirable.

I work in bloody social media so can't! But I am scaling back.

Hackersschmakers · 09/09/2015 09:44

Mine is completley locked down, I am only friends with real life friends and family. Mostly use it to keep I touch with what family in other countries are up to. I like it for that reason but can't be soon with some of the inane bullshit on there hence the lockdown.

Hackersschmakers · 09/09/2015 09:45

Sorry for the spelling - I cannot get used to the stupid mobile site and phone.

Mintyy · 09/09/2015 09:49

I remain mystified as to how you can get addicted to Facebook (although am more than a little bit addicted to Mumsnet) and also as to how it can affect people to the point of stress and unhappiness.

I have 1 or 2 friends who only post on Facebook when they are on holiday or in an expensive restaurant or posing with their new i-pad or whatever, but it doesn't worry me in the slightest. Perhaps I'm not a naturally envious person?

But good luck with breaking free op! I hear loads of people saying they are happier without it, so I hope you get to that point soon.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 09/09/2015 09:59

minty I have quite an addictive personality and am also quite an very envious, insecure kind of person and I think that combination is quite dangerous when it comes to social media

seriously though it is worse than when I gave up ciggies ...its like i dont know what to do with my hands, I will have to make sure MN doesn't replace my fb addiction :D am going to go clean the house in a mo Blush

hackershmackers I think if I do go back that's what I will do, I have over 400 "friends" yet I would say less than 50 are actual RL friends and family

OP posts:
Mintyy · 09/09/2015 10:57

Yes, less is more I think. I have 78 friends and actually many of my close friends don't even use it! I find it incredibly helpful for staying in touch with lovely people in Australia and the US though. And I do feel bereft if a friend de-activates their account.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 09/09/2015 11:44

yeah minty i have (genuine, rl) friends and family in australia and America and fb is really useful for staying in touch with them.

I think it is quite telling that only 2 friends have actually text me in 2 days

I think its going to be a good exercise in learning who my true friends are, which is no bad thing

48 hours off it now! (well in about 15 mins :) )

OP posts:
Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 09/09/2015 16:53

i just found this

theradicallife.org/the-real-reason-to-quit-facebook-and-10-what-ifs

OP posts:
IWillOnlyEatBeans · 09/09/2015 20:58

How are you getting on CatEye ?

I have deleted the FB app from my phone (I don't really get the opportunity to check it on the laptop until the DC are in bed). I've also deleted my shortcut to Mumsnet!

I do find myself constantly picking up my phone to have a browse, but my only options are now the BBC weather app or local tide times!

I can remember how frustrated I used to get with DH when he had a smartphone and I didn't. I felt like my DC were starting to feel the same way about me!

Thanks for the inspiration.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 10/09/2015 10:18

hi iwillonly

I am getting on ok thank you. but there are times when I find it difficult. like late afternoon when dcs are generally doing their own thing and before I have to think about what to do for tea and do bedtimes etc. and when I have dropped them off at school in the morning and sit down with a cuppa. I do work but only 2 - 3 days a week.

I feel a lot calmer and happier though, and wonder if it is connected. I have also been less stressy with the dcs and feel more focused on them. that is exactly how I was thinking my dc feel as well, as I remember dh got his iphone before I got mine and I used to get a bit huffy and feel left out like his phone was more interesting than me. I have now noticed dh uses his far less as well, because I am not picking up my phone, he isn't either, and we seem more connected as well, which is nice

Also, I met up with a friend yesterday and it was lovely to see her as hadn't "seen" her on FB so it felt like we had so much to talk about. she is actually trying it herself, she deactivated while she was with me. I must text her to see how she is getting on haha :D

I am sad that only 2 people have contacted me though in nearly 3 days :( but at the same time I really value the ones who have.

it is now 70 hours 17 minutes since I last went on

OP posts:
Aroundamulberry · 10/09/2015 12:28

I couldn't come off FB completely but I stay off it for days at a time and just check in once a week or so.

I have deleted quite few people from it over the years because you see a side of people you never usually would.

I wouldn't use coming off it to gauge who my real friends are, we are all busy which is why FB is so great for me to keep in touch with friends I wouldn't see as much in real life because they live abroad or in a different City.

The hardest thing is when you have been left out of an event and it is plastered all over FB, that's what upsets me the most, but of course I unknowingly will be upsetting others when they are not in my photos.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 10/09/2015 13:29

The hardest thing is when you have been left out of an event and it is plastered all over FB, that's what upsets me the most, but of course I unknowingly will be upsetting others when they are not in my photos

oh deffo arounda that's a big reason i have come off

sounds like you have a healthy balance between fb and rl by only going on every so often

OP posts:
sproketmx · 10/09/2015 13:38

I got kicked off Facebook. It's not really bothered me. Prefer instagram. Anyway. Someone in Erica with the same name as me reported my profile as fake and as impersonating her and I wouldn't send facebook govt issue ID so they kicked me off Shock

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 10/09/2015 14:18

sprocket [shock[] Shock Shock that's awful they did that !!!!!

I still have instagram but I keep it private and rarely post so don't get much out of it tbh

OP posts:
Aroundamulberry · 10/09/2015 14:24

I have come to realise via FB that I probably need to be more proactive in organising nights out if I want to be invited out more myself. It goes both ways I guess.

Olddear · 10/09/2015 15:37

Been off FB for ages. I will never go back. Can't say I felt envious/inferior/ etc. just bored. Who wants to see photos of someone's dinner/dog in Xmas hat/child covered in spaghetti Bol? Never missed it. Ever.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 11/09/2015 09:10

I have come to realise via FB that I probably need to be more proactive in organising nights out if I want to be invited out more myself. It goes both ways I guess

yeah you are probably right there aroundamulberry although in my case, I was finding that I was inviting certain friends out, they would say no, then I would see (on fb) same friends meeting up but without me, hurt like mad

olddear yes some of the pictures

92 hours now!

Anyone else want to join me?? Struggling a bit today

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 11/09/2015 09:30

I'm on the fence about this.

But i did see something about a digital detox and was thinking of no iphone surfing on a Sunday. Might give it a whirl this weekend!

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 11/09/2015 10:57

wipsglitter

omg I don't know if I could do a total digital detox Shock not even just on a sunday :D

OP posts:
suzannefollowmyvan · 11/09/2015 11:04

anyway its harder than giving up smoking tbh. WAY harder
wowShock
good luck with quitting :)
I'm glad I never acquired the habit

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