quitting FB. Aibu? Anyone want to join me going cold turkey?

[CatEyeFlick]

i am 29 hours 39 minutes facebook free. I decided to deactivate because it wasn't doing my mental health any good, nor my relationship

I was wasting hours on it and not actually getting anything positive from it so just asked myself, why am I actually doing this to myself?

it was making me dislike people I actually like in RL and turning me into a bit of a bitch tbh, scrolling through my feed and just sneering, even my own family members :(

I was also getting insecure seeing occasions where people have met up and I wasn't invited. and then finding myself competing with stuff I was doing socially if that makes sense, Ie always making sure I tag myself at places with the people I was with. and trying to post the most flattering photogenic pics of myself and dcs etc. sad behaviour really in a 35 year old mum of 3

am in loads of groups and was finding I was constantly chatting on them and often ignoring my own kids which makes me a bit sad and ashamed

Only one fucker has text me though since I came off

anyway its harder than giving up smoking tbh. WAY harder. so is anyone else doing this or has done this and want to join my thread? PLEASE?

Thank you for your honesty. It's made me think a lot about my motives for using facebook and how it makes me feel. I don't have strong friendships IRL anyway and it just makes me feel worse as I watch everyone else do things together and I am left out. I think I need to step back from it too. Not because of facebook, because of me.

I get the impression that the overall effect of FB is poisonous?

it is in my case Suzanne

I think it can be (and is) a positive thing for a lot of people but for me it was doing not much other than bringing negativity and poison into my life. and the longer I have stayed off it the more I can see that, yet conversely I miss it??!

yes (for me) it is harder than when i gave up smoking which is awful really isn't it?

naitimum you sound a lot like me. i literally have one "best friend" the one person i can be myself with and rely on. the rest are all quite shallow, fragile friendships. and as you have probably read, that element of seeing others do stuff without me just makes me sad. I have always struggled making friends right from way way back in my life when I used to get bullied at school. and also that need to be popular stems from that too ...a bad combination when using social media

JOIN ME! ha ha

For me no, I like facebook it is a great way to keep in touch with people i know around the world and i am very nosey have a healthy interest in other people's lives. Obviously for some people it becomes a problem but I don't have experience of that. It's more the time wasting element.

I do have one facebook 'friend' who posts rants about her mum on it but I'm always a bit .

Ok Cateyeflick I'll give it a go. I've already checked it about 5 times today already so I'm going to step back from now. I'm not deleting account yet, but will just try and step back, maybe just check once a week as I get private messages on there too. Crikey I'm not looking forward to the detox!! How are you doing without it? I completely get where you are coming from, I wasn't bullied at school, I just had pretty much no friends and was the one that no one wanted to be friends with. I realise I carry that with me still and facebook is fuelling that feeling for me too. I need to stop comparing myself with others.

haha wips I am very nosey as well, think that's one of the main reasons I miss it to be honest with you

naitimum good for you!! I am almost certain it will help you, I found after a few days not going on I felt better and calmer

as I say, I DO miss it, not going to lie, but think a big reason is habit. I have been doing other stuff, like reading, doing bits round the house I have meant to get round to, spending a bit more time with the dc.

you do definitely sound a lot like me.

let me know how you get on x

CatEye I went to an industry conference on how Facebook affects mental health and happiness. People who stayed off for 90 days saw a marked increase in happiness at that point, although the study took a long time to get as many people as they wanted - a good few thousand kept logging on every month or so to "just check", so never reached 90 days.

After 90, apparently the urge to go back on dropped, and like I said, the participants had an improvement in mental health and a higher base happiness.

It'll be interesting to see if that's true for you, if you make 90 days! Although you may find it easier to just mark when that would be in a diary or something and try to forget how long it's been, or you're keeping Facebook "alive" in your head as you remember when you last when on, if you see what I mean?

Good luck OP and other FB quitters! I left 2 years ago as it bought out all my worst traits, as others have said.

Joined MN earlier this year and now expecting - my antenatal group on here set up a secret FB group which happened to be just before all the hacking nonsense. I created a secret account but am friends with no-one and have every possible security setting turned on so no-one can find me. I'm using it a lot for the MN group - and have been glad of it what with MN becoming so difficult to use - but so far little to no temptation to make my profile public.

Good luck!

I've just deleted my FB apps but haven't gone as far as deactivating (yet). It's just making me miserable though. I have a friendship group of 3 other school mums, and I thought we were all really good friends. Regular nights out, coffee mornings etc. But they all have DD1s and I have a DS1, so they keep meeting up with the kids and I get left out. It really sucks when I see yet another post saying "wonderful afternoon with all the kids - thanks ladies for a lovely time" etc. There was one such post today. They even seem to go out of their way to hide these get-togethers from me and quite frankly it's fucking hurtful, so I figure I'm better off not finding out about them from FB. Ignorance can be bliss.

Plus deleting the apps saves me from making passive-aggressive "I hope you all had a lovely time" comments that I might regret later

I have a love/ hate relationship with FB. I am more of a lurker than a poster so not sure why I bother really. It is such a waste of time and strangely addictive and isolating. I should delete it but not sure I'm brave enough

I've just deleted my FB apps but haven't gone as far as deactivating (yet). It's just making me miserable though. I have a friendship group of 3 other school mums, and I thought we were all really good friends. Regular nights out, coffee mornings etc. But they all have DD1s and I have a DS1, so they keep meeting up with the kids and I get left out. It really sucks when I see yet another post saying "wonderful afternoon with all the kids - thanks ladies for a lovely time" etc. There was one such post today. They even seem to go out of their way to hide these get-togethers from me and quite frankly it's fucking hurtful, so I figure I'm better off not finding out about them from FB. Ignorance can be bliss

boselecta your "friends" are cunts

in this case it definitely isn't you and it definitely isn't facebook

cut em out, hugs to you X

shebird yes it is isolating, definitely

just do it

and lilyb good luck that sounds a really good way of doing things, I was in a MN / FB antenatal group too and at times it was a life line. congrats on your pregnancy, that was me this time two years ago

onebreathoranother that does not surprise me in the least

5 days for me now, coming up for a week so I am PROUD (sorry if this counting down is annoying, it smacks a bit of glittery tickers on net huns

I deactivated in June and am glad I did.
Lots of similar reasons to yours op.
One supposedly good friend who lives around 2 hours away from me was always too busy to visit or wanted to meet half way and then was checked in on three separate occasions as being just round the corner from me without saying she was in the area.
Really hurt.
But the straw that broke the camels back was when we were out somewhere and I took a photo of the dcs and one of them said 'are you taking that for Facebook mummy?'
I don't want them to think I only take their photo to put in on fb!

I almost always have it open in the background, and refresh it when I come to the computer, so it's multiple times a day. But only post about once a week. I have about 100 friends on it, maybe 50 who use it regularly , and of those, only about half tend to post much rather than just liking/commenting. I have hidden anyone I don't want to see; I've chosen to stay friends with people I actually like; I don't get much of the passive-aggressive stuff, vague-booking, racist rants, prayer requests, videos, minions cartoons, etc, because I've deleted/hidden people or sites that do any of that. Got rid of anyone who just posts mundane details of their life, or several times a day, or anything else like that. Left people who I like, so if they post about their children or holidays, I'm generally pleased for them and interested in what they're doing, and don't think it's boasting. I find it interesting to see where people have checked in, as it's an interesting place/event that I might want to know about. I like seeing photos of things they've done with other people, as it can be nice to see another side of their lives. I'd feel left out if someone constantly posted photos of events that I could have been invited to but wasn't, so would try not to let that on my feed. But mostly it doesn't happen.

So I think it's possible to use it as an enjoyable tool, to stay in touch, to get to know people a bit better, to hear about interesting things or have interesting discussions - people often share articles or news stories that are interesting to me. And not be addicted to it or get too involved in it all. But it really depends on the people you have on there.

I'd be more tempted to have a bit cull of friends (or hide them if you don't want to cull them) so that it's just the ones that you enjoy reading about, find funny, post interesting articles, care about staying in touch with , etc.

Then block sites with racist content. Hide videos or music if you don't like them. Block people who post too much each day, or say that you want to see less of them and more of others. Make a list of 'close friends', and just use that as your news feed. Etc.

It's possible to keep it at a distance, without quitting totally. But I can understand wanting to quit it completely if you do find you're addicted, and if your friends just post stuff you aren't keen on.

That said, there have been times when I've thought about taking a photo that I wouldn't have, in order to post that I'm somewhere/doing something. Not to show off or boast, but just so that people can know me a bit more, or see that I can be interesting (I'm quite shy in real life and don't say much or know people that well). And that is a bit immature I suppose. And there are times when I do want to check what other people have posted, or post something myself, instead of just being in the present about where I am (usually because it's either so good I want to share it, or slightly dull and I want to be distracted! Or just that I'm a bit lonely and on my own, say having a day out somewhere, and it makes me feel vaguely connected to the world if I post things now and then and people comment or like them).

For me, it's definitely been a help for the shyness and loneliness, rather than making it worse. But I can see that there are times when it could get addictive or unhealthy.

(maybe I could summarise all that by saying that for me, having FB is better than not having it, because the people on it are not people that I would see/hear from in real life. Quitting FB would mean quitting all of that. Oh I'd see them sometimes, as acquaintances in activities we do, but we'd never be in touch individually. So this lets me get to know them better. It's a way of reaching out for something that I don't have in real life. For people who have much more active social/real lives, FB might be a distraction or negative thing, but for shy or lonely people, it can be the only chance for interaction some days. And quitting would be disastrous in that sense. Even when it does seem to be unhealthy, I'd rather find a healthy way to use it than totally cut off contact).

Aw, thank you CatEye. I was feeling quite sorry for myself last night and was wondering whether I was overreacting or not.

I just think, we've been friends about 6 years, and ok, my DS1 and the DDs don't play altogether as much as they used to now they're that bit older - but does that really mean I have to be excluded from cosy gossipy afternoons at their houses just because I have a boy . One "friend" was in a real hurry after school yesterday, couldn't stop to have a chat, and now knowing the reason why makes me feel really shitty.

Still can't quite convince myself to deactivate FB though - Crochet - you've hit the nail on the head - the fear of missing out on the "good" things about FB (and there are some) renders me unable to cut links completely. I guess for me it's a case of, does the bad outweigh the good?...

But the straw that broke the camels back was when we were out somewhere and I took a photo of the dcs and one of them said 'are you taking that for Facebook mummy?

awww :( my dc haven't said that but ds does sometimes beg me to not put pics of him on facebook, then I still do, that's quite bad of me really

crotchet sounds like you use it quite healthily and its good that its helped your shyness / loneliness, whereas it made mine worse

this is sooooooo embarrassing to admit...but I keep people on there I vaguely dislike because i like them to see when i am doing well / going to cool places / getting nice things.....where as in reality they probably don't even care (or notice) what I do :D

I also had people on there that have Jeremy kyle style lives that get played out all over fb and I like to secretly laugh at them how much of a massive bitch does that make me ??? esp as in rl they are actually quite nice

bump to see if anyone wants to start a new week with no facebook!!

its now been a week for me, I miss it far less than i did. and over the weekend had 2 more friends contact me via text so really happy about that

YANBU at all, in fact YAB very sensible IMO :) the only thing that keeps me on is that there are certain work-related connections (it's a networky sort of a job) that i can't make otherwise. but considering going to twitter as less stress and personal (I hope!!).

I am really shy too crochet, and I completely understand what you are saying, but for me I feel like spending time on my own alone seems to make me feel better than spending time on facebook looking at everyone else seeming socialising and having fun when I feel like I'm on the outside, looking in, does that make sense? But I have no will power and I caved last night and looked!! Am starting again from today and trying to stay off it. Am having a difficult time with friendships IRL again today, back to school playground makes me feel more crap at all that stuff as I more often on my own or people say hello and then don't stay to chat to me, or act like they can't wait to get away from me. Feel a bit sad and lonely to be honest. But maybe slightly better for not being on the book of face so much.

I took my page down in march as I was getting a bit of grief from my ex husbands new bit of fluff. Dont miss it and would never go back

I took a break from FB earlier this year for a month because it was making me unhappy (or I was making myself unhappy by using it, which ever way you want to look at it). Did me the world of good tbh and encouraged me to change the way I used it. I use it mainly for groups rather than trying to paint myself as having the perfect life. I still post the occasional picture or status update, but I no longer feel the need to post pictures when ever we go somewhere, or post daily pictures of the DC's or post status updates multiple times week and as a result I no longer feel like I'm competing with those who feel the need to check in literally wherever they go. I don't think anyone even noticed I'd gone tbh, apart from close family. The only contact I got in regards to me leaving FB was from an irritated sounding MIL who rang to demand I add her back on Facebook which kind of sucked, but again it gave me a new perspective on things. Overall I now care less what people think, which is something I've always struggled with. So having a temp break really helped me.

I think I need to come off as well! Having caused a massive ruck this morning without meaning to :(

It is toxic. I came off it some years ago and so much happier. Cold turkey is hard but try to be confident that you have a real and valid existence without it OP. I refuse to live my life a la zuckerberg, it's so reductive and depressing.
For me anyway.