OK, so it's the end of summer and I might have put on a few pounds. Those Pimms are not calorie free you know.
So, I've been invited to a posh party with posh frocks and posh people and I dig out the old faithful dress which is now bulging in the wrong places. So, I go to buy some Spanx. But they don't have my size so I get a size smaller, thinking that they'll keep me in a bit more.
After a hefty struggle getting them on, there's a bit of a noise. And to my horror there's a split. In the crotch.
I can't decide if the split is supposed to be there or not. It looks like it's supposed to be a sort of comfort thing so you don't have to take off the darned things to go to the loo.
Or am I so fat I've wrecked the bloody things before I've even left the house in them?