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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

is DH being unreasonable about DS1's bedtime?

78 replies

ShadowLine · 07/09/2015 19:32

DS1 (4) has just started reception last week. We're having to leave about 7:30 am to get to school in time for registration, so an earlier start than he was used to with nursery. He's been used to full days at nursery, but he's been finding the more structured routine of school tiring so far.

DS1 was really tired when he got home tonight. DH commented on this after he was trying to read tonight's school reading book with DS1. I know - as does DH - that DS1 tends to become hyperactive, over emotional, inattentive and less well behaved when he's tired, so I'd said to DH that I thought DS1 should have an early night so he's well rested for school tomorrow. DH said that that was probably a good idea.

Anyway, after the DC had their tea, I ran the bath, and left DS1 downstairs playing while I bathed DS2. I could hear DS1 pestering DH, and next thing, DH is shouting up that he's off out to drop something off at a friends, and he's taking DS1. I said it was nearly DS1's bedtime, and DH said DS1 wants to come, so he's taking DS1. I assumed that DH was just popping round the corner or something.

That was over an hour ago. They're still not back. They've gone out in the car. I've rung DH, and now he's told me where he's actually gone. Not dropping stuff off to a local friend. This friend lives quite far away, and it's likely going to take another hour before DH and DS1 are back. We'll be lucky getting DS1 to bed before 9 at this rate.

I know DH likes to be fun dad and not say no, but this is ridiculous. I think DH should have left DS1 at home, and DS1 would probably have been fast asleep by now. AIBU to be cross with DH? Or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
HumphreyCobblers · 07/09/2015 19:36

That is way too late for a reception child, especially one who was already tired and who had only just started school. I would be cross too.

TheRealAmyLee · 07/09/2015 19:37

I would be cross as well. My ds would be in bits tomorrow if this happened.

Gatehouse77 · 07/09/2015 19:38

Yanbu.

No, I'd be seriously pissed off about that.

5madthings · 07/09/2015 19:39

That is way too late, my four year old who just started reception is already asleep!

MrsBalustradeLanyard · 07/09/2015 19:40

I wouldn't be thrilled, but he will probably fall asleep in the car anyway; it's only one night.

feistyfiend · 07/09/2015 19:41

Yanbu.

If your DS is tired, though, won't he sleep in the car? Will you be able to just pop him into bed as soon as they return?

PowderMum · 07/09/2015 19:42

Will he not fall asleep in the car. Mine at that age and that level of tiredness would. Then I would just lift them into their beds.

Not ideal but maybe not a complete disaster

CMOTDibbler · 07/09/2015 19:42

I'd be really cross - its not fair on ds who may well be badly behaved at school tomorrow if tired and will be the one told off, not your dh.

My 9 year old was up in bed at 7, and is asleep now as I know how tiring all the newness of the term is.

EeyoresTail · 07/09/2015 19:43

Hopefully the motion of the car will make him fall asleep so it won't be that bad. I'd be fuming though!

feistyfiend · 07/09/2015 19:43

Regardless of whether he sleeps in the car, your DH is being an arse to completely disregard your opinion with no discussion.

Artandco · 07/09/2015 19:44

I wouldn't be bothered tbh. My reception age child has a 9pm bedtime anyway. And he will just fall asleep in car if tired anyway and can lift when home.

I wouldn't argue about it tonight, but do decide with dh when bedtime is going to be from now on

DoreenLethal · 07/09/2015 19:45

Will you be fast asleep in bed by the time he gets back and therefore leave him to deal with it?

DisappointedOne · 07/09/2015 19:45

That is way too late for a reception child, especially one who was already tired and who had only just started school. I would be cross too.

Utter pish. My 4 year old isn't even home yet and wasn't asleep until about 9pm last night. Not all children need to be in bed at 7pm.

Finola1step · 07/09/2015 19:46

YANBU.

Hopefully he will fall asleep in the car and your dp can transfer him into bed, whilst changing into night clothes, without waking him. Any chance?

BerylStreep · 07/09/2015 19:48

At that age mine would have been in bed at 7pm, and asleep by 7.30.

Your DH is being U.

Finola1step · 07/09/2015 19:49

Oh and as to Reception aged child must be in bed by such and such time. There are no one size fits all rules. But a child who has to leave the house at half seven does need to be in bed earlier than one who can leave at 8:55.

Lilaclily · 07/09/2015 19:53

I wouldn't worry
He'll fall asleep in the car
But i'd let dh deal with it if he doesn't go to her when he gets home

Lilaclily · 07/09/2015 19:53

bed

Lilaclily · 07/09/2015 19:54

Why is it such an early start for him by the way ?
Is he at breakfast club before you start work ?

LyndaNotLinda · 07/09/2015 19:59

4 year olds are supposed to have 11-12 hours sleep a night so YABU. I'd be really cross.

TendonQueen · 07/09/2015 19:59

YANBU. Starting school is very tiring and even if your DS was one of those kids who can stay up later and not suffer, I would be erring on the side of caution at this point. Stupid decision by your DH.

LyndaNotLinda · 07/09/2015 20:02

YANBU I mean!

Spartans · 07/09/2015 20:07

My ds had his first day today. So knackered . However I would be very happy if dh took ds out. He would fall asleep in the way back and be lifted into bed.
Will this not happen with your ds? If not then yanbu

MrsHathaway · 07/09/2015 20:07

What matters is that this child is tired and his father agreed an early night was in order then changed the plans to make it impossible. I'd be vastly unimpressed.

Fwiw my night owl 7yo has been comatose by 8.15 every night since going back to school even though he was managing 10 pm in the holidays. The change is tiring for them.

MrsHathaway · 07/09/2015 20:09

Sleep in the car in clothes isn't exactly quality sleep. Changing into pjs and brushing teeth would wake him up anyway. It might be different if he'd gone into the car in his night things and all clean.