is DH being unreasonable about DS1's bedtime?

[ShadowLine]

DS1 (4) has just started reception last week. We're having to leave about 7:30 am to get to school in time for registration, so an earlier start than he was used to with nursery. He's been used to full days at nursery, but he's been finding the more structured routine of school tiring so far.

DS1 was really tired when he got home tonight. DH commented on this after he was trying to read tonight's school reading book with DS1. I know - as does DH - that DS1 tends to become hyperactive, over emotional, inattentive and less well behaved when he's tired, so I'd said to DH that I thought DS1 should have an early night so he's well rested for school tomorrow. DH said that that was probably a good idea.

Anyway, after the DC had their tea, I ran the bath, and left DS1 downstairs playing while I bathed DS2. I could hear DS1 pestering DH, and next thing, DH is shouting up that he's off out to drop something off at a friends, and he's taking DS1. I said it was nearly DS1's bedtime, and DH said DS1 wants to come, so he's taking DS1. I assumed that DH was just popping round the corner or something.

That was over an hour ago. They're still not back. They've gone out in the car. I've rung DH, and now he's told me where he's actually gone. Not dropping stuff off to a local friend. This friend lives quite far away, and it's likely going to take another hour before DH and DS1 are back. We'll be lucky getting DS1 to bed before 9 at this rate.

I know DH likes to be fun dad and not say no, but this is ridiculous. I think DH should have left DS1 at home, and DS1 would probably have been fast asleep by now. AIBU to be cross with DH? Or am I overreacting?

I would be annoyed definitely. Just let dh deal with the emotional fall out tomorrow as much as possible. My ds would be absolutely exhausted if this happened!

Hopefully DS1 will fall asleep in the car, although I don't think sleep in a car is as refreshing as sleep in a bed. He could really do with a bath too, but I guess we can quickly sponge him down in the morning. DH won't be dealing with any fall out tomorrow, because DH has already agreed to work late tomorrow.

Still not back btw.

He will probably drop off in the car on the way back. I'd then just take his pants off and pop him in bed and bath him in the morning. Fingers crossed he will not wake up after his cat nap and not go to bed until 12 because he has recharged his batteries. I'd be annoyed too, but there again I'm a stickler for an early bedtime.

Your dh wants to be the fun one, tough shit he's not his friend but his dad.

Let him deal with ds tonight and tomorrow morning when he doesn't want to get out of bed.

Will DH be around in the morning to cajole a tired child into uniform etc?

Well if he's working late he can be at home for the morning grumps

Sleep in the car in clothes isn't exactly quality sleep. Changing into pjs and brushing teeth would wake him up anyway. It might be different if he'd gone into the car in his night things and all clean.

I wouldn't bother if it were DD. She'd be moved from car to bed exactly as she was. Won't hurt as a one off.

I very much doubt that DH will be much help tomorrow morning. He'll be leaving for work about the same time we leave for school, but DH really isn't a morning person. Typically he drags himself out of bed at the last possible minute, stresses about being late, inhales about a litre of coffee, then falls into the shower, before rushing out the door.

grr im raging on your behalf. my 4 year old was asleep by quarter to 7. starting school is knackering and yes some 4 year olds might not need all that sleep but you said in your OP that your son does!!

YANBU - I would be so unhappy about a tired child being dragged out on a Monday night. Unecessary.

Yanbu, I would be annoyed too, especially how you had already discussed him needing an early night. Hope they're back soon and tomorrow the consequences aren't too bad.

Why on earth do you have an hour and a half(ish) journey to school?

I'd be livid. DH is being selfish and immature.

They're back now, DS1 is fast asleep in bed.

He didn't sleep in the car though. DS1 came skipping through the door shortly after 8:30, happily announcing that daddy had taken him to the park

After that last post, I'd be laying down the law big time. Education is important, as is sleep. Your DH is being an arse.

OP, at first I thought your DH was incredibly thoughtless, but if he actually took your DS to the park, that sounds like he's deliberately winding you up. Does he have form for ignoring you or doing the opposite of what you suggest?

Bertrand - combination of earlier than normal school start time, school quite far from home (local school oversubscribed with no room for DS1), rush hour traffic and needing to find parking. There's also a bit of extra travel time added in case of unexpected traffic delays. We're hoping to get closer to the school by the time DS2 is due to start school.

I think 9 is way too late for reception children to be in bed when they are in school. Try teaching them if they have not had enough sleep and then decide if my opinion is pish!

The OP had said her son was tired already. What sensible adult would take him out and delay his bedtime?

I don't think DH is deliberately trying to wind me up. I think it's a combination of thoughtlessness and trying to please DS1.

He loves the DC loads and doesn't get to see as much of them as he'd like because he often works long hours. So when he does get time with the kids, he tends to be overindulgent and say yes to whatever they ask, without stopping to think about whether it's actually good for them to give them what they're asking for.

Humphrey - a 4 year old needs around 11hrs sleep. My 4 year old goes to bed at 9pm and up at 8am. How is he sleep deprived?

Oh dear. I remember my ds falling into his dinner when he first started reception, that was a memorable one!

Hopefully he'll get an early night tomorrow.

oh dear. good luck for tomorrow. get him bed before you stupid h gets home tomorrow. about time he learned responsible parenting not just the fun stuff.

YANBU

My 4yo Reception starter came home and put herself into pyjamas. She just about made it to 6.45 with the help of food, stories and listening to a CD, and then crashed. Classmates ended up asleep in their dinner or on the sofa. It's quite rare for a YR child not to need early nights at the start of term, though of course there are some who don't.

If he leaves the same time as you lot in the morning then he really needs to buck his ideas up. He is father to two kids and he does nothing for them or you in the morning time despite leaving at the same time?

Sounds like a prize cock to me.

My Y12 went to bed at 9:30pm last night as he's finding the early mornings hard!

Plus the workload but, at last, he's opting to stay at school to get as much work done as possible before coming home so is being way more efficient with his time. Which meant he could go to bed early and not be stressing about work.