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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

is DH being unreasonable about DS1's bedtime?

78 replies

ShadowLine · 07/09/2015 19:32

DS1 (4) has just started reception last week. We're having to leave about 7:30 am to get to school in time for registration, so an earlier start than he was used to with nursery. He's been used to full days at nursery, but he's been finding the more structured routine of school tiring so far.

DS1 was really tired when he got home tonight. DH commented on this after he was trying to read tonight's school reading book with DS1. I know - as does DH - that DS1 tends to become hyperactive, over emotional, inattentive and less well behaved when he's tired, so I'd said to DH that I thought DS1 should have an early night so he's well rested for school tomorrow. DH said that that was probably a good idea.

Anyway, after the DC had their tea, I ran the bath, and left DS1 downstairs playing while I bathed DS2. I could hear DS1 pestering DH, and next thing, DH is shouting up that he's off out to drop something off at a friends, and he's taking DS1. I said it was nearly DS1's bedtime, and DH said DS1 wants to come, so he's taking DS1. I assumed that DH was just popping round the corner or something.

That was over an hour ago. They're still not back. They've gone out in the car. I've rung DH, and now he's told me where he's actually gone. Not dropping stuff off to a local friend. This friend lives quite far away, and it's likely going to take another hour before DH and DS1 are back. We'll be lucky getting DS1 to bed before 9 at this rate.

I know DH likes to be fun dad and not say no, but this is ridiculous. I think DH should have left DS1 at home, and DS1 would probably have been fast asleep by now. AIBU to be cross with DH? Or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Lurkedforever1 · 08/09/2015 08:50

Yanbu op as from what you say your ds seemed to need the sleep.

I'm not getting the general angst about 4yr olds needing to be in bed early as a general rule though. They only need to be in bed early enough to get enough sleep for them. My dd never needed 11/12hrs sleep at that age, and bedtime was closer to 9.

liquidrevolution · 08/09/2015 09:04

I'm with Penny

He needs to stop being disney dad and be a proper parent, particularly in the mornings.

weegiemum · 08/09/2015 09:18

Hope things were ok this morning?

FWIW, my 13 year old S2 (Scottish=Y8) was asleep at 8.30 last night, and he's been back at school a month!!

Bogeyface · 08/09/2015 09:22

I think a chat is in order along the lines of "Would you rather be a fun dad or a good dad?" Because you cant always be both. Sure, sometimes you can but most of the time you have to put their needs above their wants.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/09/2015 09:25

Well the first thingthat would change if this were me is all this "DH isn't a morning person" bullshit.

I'm not a morning person either. But hey, I'm a parent so I get up and get cracking.

He needs to step up with the morning routine and stop being the Disney dad. Why do you tolerate that? Why would an adult who isn't a selfish arse be happy to see their partner dashing around getting their kids ready for school while they lie in bed?

Grr!

BertPuttocks · 08/09/2015 09:28

"He loves the DC loads and doesn't get to see as much of them as he'd like because he often works long hours."

Surely that's even more of an argument for him getting his arse out of bed in the morning and doing his share of getting his children ready for their day?

I'm sure that there are lots of us who'd like to opt out of the morning rush and spend a bit longer in bed, but we get out of bed and get on with it.

BathshebaDarkstone · 08/09/2015 09:31

9 is ridiculous for a 4 year old on a school night! DS who's the same age goes at 6.30! He's up at 6.10 though.

Bogeyface · 08/09/2015 09:32

I'm not a morning person either. But hey, I'm a parent so I get up and get cracking.

This.

I have chronic insomnia and nerves make it worse so I got less than 3 hours sleep last night, but I was still up this morning sorting the kids out because H left for work at 7 am and if I didnt do it then who would?!

I agree that he needs to get his ass out of bed earlier, spend a bit of time getting them ready so that will make the morning less stressful and more fun for all involved.

HumphreyCobblers · 08/09/2015 09:33

The ideal amount of sleep for a four year old is 11 and a half hours.

I suppose I may be projecting a bit as I have taught far too many knackered reception children. Putting them to bed at nine does seem incredibly late to me, they are so little. But then mine always started the day earlier than eight. So I concede I may be being a LITTLE bit didactic.

but only a little bit

DisappointedOne · 08/09/2015 09:35

9 is ridiculous for a 4 year old on a school night! DS who's the same age goes at 6.30! He's up at 6.10 though.

DD (4) is usually asleep by 9pm on a school night. She's rarely up before 8am. We're all owls so couldn't function if she was up at 6 every day, so it suits us fine!

BathshebaDarkstone · 08/09/2015 09:43

If we had a car and I could do that with DS, I'd put him in Pull Ups first in case he fell asleep, then I could just lift him into bed. Smile

BathshebaDarkstone · 08/09/2015 09:46

Disappointed he seems to naturally wake up at that time, we have to leave at 8 though, and I have 8 year old DD to organise as well.

AnneEtAramis · 08/09/2015 09:47

My DH does things like this but our 4y sleeps later anyway. My only issue is DS3 will only let me do bedtime story etc so it means I have to deal with bedtime when they get in and it's 'my' time.

DisappointedOne · 08/09/2015 09:48

DD's best friend is the same. Up at 5:30am regardless. No sleepovers for them anytime soon!

BathshebaDarkstone · 08/09/2015 09:54

I don't blame you! Grin

GoblinLittleOwl · 08/09/2015 11:03

Is there any way your husband can be solely responsible for getting your son up and preparing him for school tomorrow morning? He will soon learn the value of an early bedtime.

Artandco · 08/09/2015 11:53

See ours sleep around 9pm but would never be awake at 6.10am! To me that's he middle of the night. Here they wake 8am, get dressed ( laid out night before), eat ( what dh or I have prepared for them before waking them) and out the door by 8.30-8.40am. 6.10am would only be helpful if we left before 7am as they dot. Need nearly 2hrs to get up and leave.

If your went to bed an hour later would they wake an hour later? Ie 8pm bed, 7.10am wake?

redskybynight · 08/09/2015 12:28

Well how was DS this morning? There's a lot of hysterical "that's far too lating" (home at 8.30?) and "Reception children need more sleep" going on on this thread, but surely the proof is in whether DS was half asleep or not this morning? (I'm the mother of the child who was bouncing with energy after starting Reception and would not have been asleep by 9 whatever time he went to bed).

Whilst last night is not ideal, it's equally not a huge problem as a one off!

BathshebaDarkstone · 08/09/2015 12:33

Artandco no, even if he falls asleep at 10.30, which he did in the holidays, he wakes up at 6.10. I wish he'd learn to STFU on weekend mornings! Sad

ShadowLine · 09/09/2015 00:35

DS1 was tired this morning - had to be dragged out of bed and was not at all happy to be woken. Absolutely exhausted when I picked him up from school and asking to go to bed before we'd even left the school grounds. He's had an early night tonight, so hopefully will be a bit more alert tomorrow.

DH also rang me mid afternoon to say that he thought I should get DS1 to bad extra early because DS1 had been very tired this morning Hmm

Not sure who suggested it, but yes, I think a chat about fun dad vs good dad needs to be had.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 09/09/2015 00:36

DH also rang me mid afternoon to say that he thought I should get DS1 to bad extra early because DS1 had been very tired this morning

Not very good at joining the dots is he Hmm

May I suggest that the chat happens sooner rather than later?

maras2 · 09/09/2015 01:19

What an idiot

ChristineDePisan · 09/09/2015 02:33

Your DH was thoughtless, OP. Hope DS is OK in the morning

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 09/09/2015 02:41

Can't quite get over how little your 'D'H does for his DC in the morning. Maybe add that in to the "fun dad / good dad" chat. Loser.

InimitableJeeves · 09/09/2015 09:26

DH also rang me mid afternoon to say that he thought I should get DS1 to bed extra early because DS1 had been very tired this morning hmm

I hope you promised him a kick somewhere painful as soon as he got within reach?