to not know how to change my 3 yo not eating?

[FishFace99]

My 3 yo has a lot of issues with food.
She hates mess on her hands and didn't eat solids until she was around 14 mo. She very very rarely tries anything new and if she does, she doesn't like it. She has definite sensory issues and is awaiting assessment by a paediatrician. She often gags or is even sick at the sight of food, even if it isn't something for her.

I'm really struggling to find anything to put together for meals for her. The only things she eats are:

Tomatoes
Peppers
Cucumber
Carrots
Celery
Bananas
Grapes
Strawberries
Apples
Mango
Chips
Ham
Occasionally cold pasta

My MIL thinks I should serve the same as us every mealtime with no alternatives but I know that would mean DD will not eat. Aibu to cater toher or am iI prolonging the problem?

I think you are best not to make it a battle - she is having a v emotional response to food, making her experience of eating a happy one is more positive imo - also can you try getting her to help you prepare her food?

So chop some peppers, celery and carrots together, cook celery and peppers in a pan maybe with some ham and let her stir. Let her throw the pasta in the pan and watch it boil and same with the carrots then put it on a plate next to but not touching the veg and let her pick at it? Let her "help"cook your food too And both sit down together to eat your meals? And if she doesn't eat it have her faves on hand, praise her for every bit she manages but don't disparage for not.

What are her other sensory issues? Do you think she has any other special needs?
YANBU but are you certain it's sensory issues or could it be food phobia or something else?
I wouldn't force the issue either way, the things she eats make up quite a good diet! Maybe have other food nearby and offer without forcing her to try. Make food fun with cookie cutter shaped sandwiches and patterns on the plate and get her involved in preparation like making pizza and salads or baking.
A trip to a farm or fruit picking might be helpful too

These things are all very healthy. Apart from the chips, not many carbs. Will she not do toast or bread (or even breadsticks)? I assume cereal bars are out of the question?

I agree with above. Even if a child didn't have sensory issues, I would say "don't make it a battle!". If your child DOES have sensory issues on top of being fussy, REALLY don't make it a battle. Sounds to me like you need specialist help, which your GP is organising for you, so go with it until the professionals can advise you.

And remember, your list is better than coke, chocolate and a Maccy-d's!

She will help me cook but has never eaten anything cooked besides chips, and that's only when they're cold.

She'll occasionally eat crackers but no bread.

I think she could be a touch autistic. She hates physical contact and affection. She gags and is sick at smells, she's terrified of the wind andnoise and they make her flap and fall over. She's only recently started talking but is very straight and unaware of others feelings - I.e. Her sister asked if she looked pretty and she said no with no understanding that that's unkind to say.

Your 3 yo may be autistic. She may not. 3 is v v v young for a diagnosis. round where I live, they don't like to diagnose until AT LEAST 6 or 7 (because a developing child's brain changes so much during those early years) so although some children DO get a diagnosis, usually it's only if they are v severe or (for example) there's history within the family.

The 'no physical contact and affection' does raise a flag with me, but the untactful comment about looking pretty: Ner, that's just a 3 yr old.

But you're the mum, so I do believe you'll know your child the best!

Good luck!

I think the problem is your MIL, not your DD! Not to say that your DD doesn't have issues that need looking into, but that is a decent list of healthy food your DD eats, better than a lot of kids that age. I have one DD who eats like that and we just let her get on with it. Have you tried her with sliced chicken from the deli? It's a bit less salty than the ham. DD likes it, calls it chicken ham.