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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let my 2 year old get messy whilst eating?

73 replies

Bejeena · 06/09/2015 19:16

Both my husband and (more importantly) my mother in law think I am but I just let him get in with it. Today he had a sauce with his pasta and yes he puts his hands in it, hands go on face, table etc.

My husband just says he doesn't let him get into that state (however all he ever feeds him is a sandwich as I do almost all of cooking) and moans when I do. Today it was quite clear that my mother in law feels the same.

But I just think he is two, of course he is going to get messy and don't want to have to spoon feed him or tell him off for this as well, he gets enough tellings off as it is.

Of course if he is obviously playing with his food I take it off him but if he wants to use his fingers to eat I let him. If it's a messy meal with tomato based sauce I sometimes just strip him to his nappy, is there anything wrong with this?

Drives me mad!

OP posts:

DextersMistress · 06/09/2015 19:20

Of course he should get messy, tell them to sod off.

spanky2 · 06/09/2015 19:21

Ds1 is 11 and still gets food down himself. He has dyspraxia though! Cutlery is best for table manners. At age 2 I wasn't worried about cutlery just the amount that he ate.

Purplepoodle · 06/09/2015 19:21

Of course he should get messy if feeding himself. I love the coverall bibs from ikea

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 06/09/2015 19:24

Why isn't he using cutlery and using his hands?

I am a nanny and my 2 year olds are expected to use cutlery properly. My current charge is 21 months and uses cutlery properly and has done so from aroud a year - she needs her face cleaning but generally is clean at the end of a meal. If she is trying to use her fingers I remind her to use her cutlery.

I was also a room leader in a 1-2 room and again they were encouraged to use cutlery properly - reminded to use fork/spoon when they attempted to use fingers etc.

CrohnicallyAspie · 06/09/2015 19:26

How is he going to get better if he doesn't practice? My Dd is nearly 3 and now clean ups are mostly reduced to a hand and face wipe. She usually uses her cutlery (but might use fingers to push the food onto her fork).

Sometimes I preempt comments when we're out, by putting towels or mats out and apologising on her behalf, saying something like 'sorry if she's making a mess, spaghetti's not the easiest thing for grown ups to eat, never mind a 2 year old!'

Lolly86 · 06/09/2015 19:26

My 22 month old often gets messy when eating sometimes she uses cutlery sometimes she doesn't. I don't mind as long as she eats

RockerMummy184 · 06/09/2015 19:27

What does your husband expect him to do?! My 2yo is a messy eater too. I love watching him experiment with his food and enjoy a meal.
At the moment he likes to feel all 'grown up' by using a knife and fork but in actual fact makes more mess that way because food falls off all over the floor (obviously not his fault!) as well as going all over his face.
Like you say, I'm not prepared to spoon feed a 2yo that is perfectly capable of feeding himself, albeit with a bit of spillage!

Artandco · 06/09/2015 19:29

I wouldn't let them get that messy. Hands in food is something allowed at 6months here, by 2 years I expect them to be using a fork or spoon for meals. Allowing for a bit of mess on face or odd bit on hands. I wouldn't allow full hands in food or smeared on face and table.

Sirzy · 06/09/2015 19:29

Nothing wrong with getting messy but I would be encouraging him to start feeding himself with a spoon or fork.

Misnomer · 06/09/2015 19:31

Nice child centred care you're providing there, iguessyourestuckwithme :-/

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/09/2015 19:31

Yanbu to allow him to explore different textures etc but you really should encourage him to use cutlery. both mine were using cutlery before this age.

there was some mess obviously but not to the extent you describe.

JuJuMun69 · 06/09/2015 19:32

Theres getting a bit messy, which is allowed of course and there's letting them get on with it.

A middle ground is better. Teach them to eat properly.

BoskyCat · 06/09/2015 19:37

Yes I agree on middle way. I wouldn't expect a 2yo to have perfect table manners, but I would want them to be moving on from what they did at 6 months IYSWIM. Learning to use a spoon and a fork at least, and about sitting at the table and trying not to spill etc. Not because I'm a fan of pointless etiquette and strict rules, but because learning not to make a mess is going to get more important as they get older/towards school age.

BigRedBall · 06/09/2015 19:38

I don't let my 22m old get overly messy whilst eating and she eats with a spoon. Personally I wouldn't let it get to a point where food is being disrespected and thrown about on the floor and in hair. I always stop her before she gets to tha stage. My mum always taught me to respect food and I couldn't just sit back and watch it being smothered everywhere. But that's just me.

One of my pet hates are these stupid cake videos from America where they give a baby a whole cake to eat by hand. There are people with no food in the world and here we are allowing our kids to be messy and wasteful with food. It's wrong.

featherandblack · 06/09/2015 19:42

I wouldn't care how messy a child got when eating. It's a perfectly valid choice. At some point it's nice to master using a spoon but this brings its own mess.

coffeeisnectar · 06/09/2015 19:43

He's 2! The way you are all stressing about cutlery you'd think the op was talking about a 9 year old.

Let him enjoy his food, encourage the cutlery if he's interested but if he prefers using his hands then let him.

I would strip mine down to a nappy for messy dinners and then straight into a bath after. It's no big deal.

DisappointedOne · 06/09/2015 19:47

It's actually really important for toddlers to explore their food, and that includes getting their hands in it and playing with it. I'll dig out some articles once DD is in bed.

BigRedBall · 06/09/2015 19:48

Well they should know how to use cutlery by 2. My 22m old has been feeding herself yoghurt from pots since she was 18m. She can eat a plate full of cereal no problem without mess. It's all very cute letting them explore and "enjoy" it but it's a waste isn't it? At aged 2 they should be taught to eat not play with food.

Original poster

Bejeena · 06/09/2015 19:48

Sorry I am not sure my post was exact in my actions. He does of course use cutlery but sometimes he just puts in down in favour of using his fingers. I do encourage him but I don't insist, kind of a pick your battles thing.

6 months OK for fingers in food? He was barely having food then and I don't think he was interested in touching it himself!

OP posts:

BoskyCat · 06/09/2015 19:54

Yes it is important but he'll have been doing that for at least 1.5 years already won't he? Now is the time to encourage him to use cutlery some of the time. You can still do finger foods other times.

Also agree with BigRedBall - basic respect for food, that it comes from somewhere, that if you make a mess, it's waste, and someone has to clean it up. No one's talking about strict humourless sergeant major mealtimes. But helping him start to learn how to eat like a grown-up.

Most DC, between 1 and 2, start to get very into this IME. They are excited to get their own cutlery and show they can do it.

I mean at 2 don't you want to be able to take them to a cafe sometimes and have them be able to take part properly? Obviously not to the full extent and tidiness that an adult does. But being able to give it a go. Most 2yos I know can do that (and they are not strictly parented)

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 06/09/2015 19:55

Misnomer - out of the hundreds of 1-3 year olds I have looked after 95% of them managed to be eating using cutlery [fork and spoon] by a year [12-15 months] and just reminding them was good enough - occassionally I will load a spoon for them but developmentally they are able to spear food or shovel food on to a spoon by the age of 2. Why let a child behave like a baby when they are able to achieve something like this - lots of praise/encouragement and the occassional reminder works within a 1-2 room [NT 1 year olds] so definitely works when the child is 2.

For those who say they should explore food using all their senses - sensory play is a fantastic heuristic tool- but food is for eating.

Is he just 2 or nearly 3?

BoskyCat · 06/09/2015 19:57

But there's a difference between finger foods that are meant to be finger foods (cucumber and hummus, breadsticks, pizza etc) and grabbing a handful of spag bol and flinging it around. It's good for DC to learn which is which.

mummypig3 · 06/09/2015 20:03

A health professional told me to let them get messy and play with food otherwise they can develop sensory issues

Artandco · 06/09/2015 20:04

Yes Chiron eat finger food from 6 months. At 6 months they can eat anything.

At 2 they have had 18+ months practice so ahold def be encouraging not using fingers for things like pasta and sauce. Just gently remind there's cutlery and show him.

BoskyCat · 06/09/2015 20:07

Yes I was with a 6.5mo today who was holding and eating her own toast.

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