To let my 2 year old get messy whilst eating?

[Bejeena]

Both my husband and (more importantly) my mother in law think I am but I just let him get in with it. Today he had a sauce with his pasta and yes he puts his hands in it, hands go on face, table etc.

My husband just says he doesn't let him get into that state (however all he ever feeds him is a sandwich as I do almost all of cooking) and moans when I do. Today it was quite clear that my mother in law feels the same.

But I just think he is two, of course he is going to get messy and don't want to have to spoon feed him or tell him off for this as well, he gets enough tellings off as it is.

Of course if he is obviously playing with his food I take it off him but if he wants to use his fingers to eat I let him. If it's a messy meal with tomato based sauce I sometimes just strip him to his nappy, is there anything wrong with this?

Drives me mad!

My 9 year old looks like he's put his face in the bowl after every meal involving pasta and sauce. He had spag bol in his eyebrows once. It's part of eating.

I expect mine to use cutlery and to show basic table manners but getting a bit messy and touching food isn't a big deal here. I'd far rather they just enjoyed mealtimes.

He has just turned 2.

As I said I encourage cutlery and he likes to use it, but sometimes he wants to pick it up with his fingers.

No I don't allow him to fling it across the room or smear it, like I said originally if he is playing and not eating I take food straight away. However if he picks up something with his fingers meaning his fingers get sticky and he then touches his face or the table I don't go bananas.

It depends. I would, for example, let a 2 year old eat with fingers and a spoon, but I would also not give her spaghetti, but pasta shapes, and not too much sauce.

A bit of mess is fine. But encouraging mess isn't.

I would let him get messy! I do let my 18 month old get messy while eating. I give him a spoon and a fork (if it is something like pasta that goes easily on a fork) but I don't supervise him using them. I am usually chatting to rest of the family during meals so wouldn't know how much he uses his cutlery and how much his fingers. I am also more interested in how much goes in his mouth than how clean he is at the end.

You're doing the right thing - a friend had an extremely fussy 2 yr old and she was told by her HV that she should basically be a bit less anal about mess at mealtimes.

I don't let my 2yo make a mess on purpose, but making a mess in the course of normal eating is fine. Not allowing them to touch their food is a bit unfair imo, especially when they've only been eating for 18 months so there will still be new food in front of them often so of course they will want to sniff, squeeze, lick it before they try it. And it is very important to me that food is never a point of stress for DD so reprimanding her for something so trivial as getting sauce on her hands is not going to happen here.

as pp said they are supposed to get messy just do what you feel is right.

Time - your 9 years old gets food in his eyebrows? How do you take him out to eat?

I read a study that said messy food exploration decreases food fussiness.....so I just let mine go to town at that age. I bought full sleeved bibs, gave them cutlery and let them enjoy with fingers or whatever.

I have a friend who spoon feeds her kid each bite and obsessively wipes his hands throughout his meal - I find that more irritating and OCD than a bit of yogurt on a kids nose or in his hair.

presides...they naturally grow out of it and you bring more moderation in as they get older.

Besides

I think let them get messy let them explore their food. My DD would never ever get messy. Hated being sticky almost from birth. She is 6 now and has the tidiest room you could imagine. She likes everything to be in order. Let your toddler have fun and do what they want to do xx

He'll get less messy with practice. As long as he's actually eating, and not throwing it about the place, I wouldn't get too worked up about it.

DS2 (23 months) got himself pretty messy today when he was eating his tomato soup. Mostly not intentionally - the only times he dipped his fingers in it was when he was dipping his toasty soldiers in the soup - but he's not quite coordinated enough yet to keep soup on the spoon 100% of the time. He did pick the bowl up to drink the last bit that he couldn't reach with the spoon though.

He sounds like he's doing fine.

Prissiness around food is so unnecessary, as long as he gets there eventually it's all good. You say he can use the tools which is great. He's still young enough that he will want rapid food-in-mouth action occasionally and he will at times want to explore too. Tell your husband to chill a little :)

I have an older DC with food aversion due to health problems. He still eats with hands at 4. I was told by various health professionals that sticking hands in food and exploring with messy food play is essential to getting them used to different textures and enjoying their food.
Your DC is only 2. I really don't feel that getting messy at 2 is a problem. btw. I personally can't stand it when my kid sticks hands in food, but I know it's part of the process of him getting to try new foods so i reluctantly let him.

YANBU

As has already been said, exploration is so important. Eating isn't just about taste - it involves all of the other senses too. A healthy love and respect of food is something to be encouraged (not sure why as my family all love it but I'm not a foodie at all. It would be much more fun if I was!).

We love giving the 18 month old spag bol followed by yoghurt - lovely orange face cream!

I don't agree children need to make a huge mess with food to explore with messy play. Surely they can just eat cleaner foods with fingers like carrot sticks and toast, use cutlery for majority of food, and explore textures through bubble baths, play dough, sand play, water play, playing with mud or grass?
It would be a nightmare taking a 2- 3 year old to a nice restaurant and them getting covered in food and all over the table. People assume babies get a little mess on face or bib, but not bolgnaise in hair/ on floor/ everywhere

Artandco, the point is that exploring food with all of the senses is a good way to customise/acclimatise to food and helps them engage and feel comfortable with it. It's something of a mixed message to say you can do that with a nice clean carrot, but not the spaghetti.

My 15 month old is a champion eater, but gets very messy in the process. And that's fine. Table manners can come much later.

As for the restaurant point - where do you propose taking them? We regularly take DS to places like pizza express/giraffe/local family run places. He has a ball and we clean up after him. We're not going to Michelin starred restaurants, because that wouldn't be appropriate - on many levels.

We have taken ours to all type of restaurants since newborn, including Michelin star so yes all events. I wouldn't let them make any more mess in pizza express than A fancy place either though

It's not a mixed message, it's teaching them what is an except able finger food and what requires cutlery so they know.

I think by the age of 2 children should be starting to learn how to eat foods using cutlery. There has been plenty of time for exploration and there is lots of other ways that children can explore things which don't involve smearing spaghetti everywhere.

Worth mentioning that not all cultures/societies use cutlery to eat. ie. It's not essential, just something that has been introduced in some societies (over the last few hundred years??). OP said that her DC enjoys using cutlery and fingers in food. At 2 I really think this is acceptable.

Surely they can just eat cleaner foods with fingers like carrot sticks and toast, use cutlery for majority of food, and explore textures through bubble baths, play dough, sand play, water play, playing with mud or grass?

Paediatrician who specialises in eating problems stated that it must be messy play with food, not just messy play.

"Worth mentioning that not all cultures/societies use cutlery to eat"

Obviously. But those cultures all have requirements for courtesy and table manners.

I understand that some experts say messy play with food is essential for some children with particular needs- this doesn't mean that it is essential for all children! Of course mess is inevitable- but I don't think it should be actively encouraged.

Agreed BertrandRussell. There will be requirements for tables manners, so for example flinging food everywhere or smearing may not be acceptable. It is acceptable and the norm for adults to eat rice and curry with a hand in other countries. In the UK, that would considered very messy and some people would be disgusted/shocked by it.

I think OP said her DC was not eating at much at 6 months and not interested in sticking hands in food then, so her DC maybe just going through exploration phase now.

I don't think it should be actively encouraged.

Who said anything about actively encouraging kids to be messy with food? There's quite a spectrum between demanding perfect cutlery use and having a full blown food flight every meal.

My DD is 21months old and will not use cutlery unless the spoon/fork is loaded for her. She has good hand/eye coordination and I know she can physically do it as she was quite excited to do so initially when we first introduced the idea but the novelty wore off after a day or so. She just won't load the spoon herself and prefers to eat with her hands. If I try to force the issue she gets frustrated and ends up refusing the meal. I don't want to make mealtimes a battleground as she's a good eater with a healthy, varied diet so had been operating under the assumption that she would use cutlery properly when she feels ready and that I should try not to stress about it. This thread has made me feel terrible now though . I didn't realise people placed so much importance on DC's aged 1-2 using cutlery correctly. Am I the only one with a (non SN) cutlery refuser?? How can I make her use cutlery without turning eating into a stressful experience? I work with kids with eating disorders so I know how detrimental it can be to make mealtimes a battleground in the early years.