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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let my 2 year old get messy whilst eating?

73 replies

Bejeena · 06/09/2015 19:16

Both my husband and (more importantly) my mother in law think I am but I just let him get in with it. Today he had a sauce with his pasta and yes he puts his hands in it, hands go on face, table etc.

My husband just says he doesn't let him get into that state (however all he ever feeds him is a sandwich as I do almost all of cooking) and moans when I do. Today it was quite clear that my mother in law feels the same.

But I just think he is two, of course he is going to get messy and don't want to have to spoon feed him or tell him off for this as well, he gets enough tellings off as it is.

Of course if he is obviously playing with his food I take it off him but if he wants to use his fingers to eat I let him. If it's a messy meal with tomato based sauce I sometimes just strip him to his nappy, is there anything wrong with this?

Drives me mad!

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 08/09/2015 11:06

Don't stress yorksha. Much much better to encourage but let them go at their own pace.

BertrandRussell · 08/09/2015 11:15

She'll get there! A happy relaxed mealtime is the goal. Make sure that as many of her meals as possible are eaten with other people so she can see how it's done.

And if you are with people who object to mess, give her non messy food to eat. No point in giving yourself extra stress!

Bing0wings · 08/09/2015 11:18

She will get there yorksha. 21 months is still very young. Would carry on as you are with stress free mealtimes. Leave the cutlery infront of her every meal time. One day she will decide that she's ready to use it.

PosterEh · 08/09/2015 11:22

yorksha I don't know anyone in real life who would bat an eyelid at an under 2 not using cutlery.

yorkshapudding · 08/09/2015 11:24

Thank you for your kind replies and sorry OP for hijacking your thread! I was just surprised that some pp were so fixated on the importance of using cutlerly and how it must be achieved at a certain age..it makes you feel like your DC is the only one not getting it!

melinski · 08/09/2015 11:24

My 19 month old makes a right mess. It's to be expected at this age I think.

I draw the line at deliberately throwing food or rubbing it in his hair. Once he starts messing with it he's not hungry any more so the food gets taken away.

SaucyJack · 08/09/2015 11:55

Yeah, what Melinski said here too for our 18 month old.

A little bit of mess whilst they're genuinely trying to get it in their mouth? Fine. Rubbing food into hair/furniture/parental clothing or chucking food? Not fine.

WannabeLaraCroft · 08/09/2015 12:13

Och good for you OP, just let him get on with it. If you start fussing about, sticking cutlery in his hands and not letting him get messy, he might start getting fussy about eating anything at all! As long as he's eating it, there's not a problem.

Fair enough if he starts messing about with the food and deliberately making a mess then that's different.

Tell your DH and MIL to jog on.

ArriettyMatilda · 08/09/2015 12:14

Dd, who's nearly two, eats like this. Occasionally cutlery use, but she does struggle to get it from plate to mouth. I'd rather she ate with her hands than not at all. She also likes to drop food from the highchair and smooth things onto her face, which we are less tolerant of. If I remind her to give food to me if she doesn't want it it then she usually does rather than putting it on the floor or her face.

I think it's good to have a balance, as I want her to be comfortable with food. Yes I could introduce more messy play but then I'd have more to clear up! For those who are happy to let them get messy, what would your cut off age be for insisting on cutlery only for messy food like spaghetti bolognese?

ClearBlueWater · 08/09/2015 12:24

ArtandCo

My 11 year old ds gets sauce in his eyebrows sometimes.
We have just had recognition that he has fine motor dyspraxia.
He does his best at home with special curved cutlery, and that is good enough.

My dd, 7, has no dyspraxia and uses cutlery well.
She is a fussy eater.

Ds eats everything.

Sometimes, - gasp - we even go out to eat!

OP, it sounds like you have a very sensible approach for the age of your child.
As long as he is eating and healthy, you can brush up on 'table manners' as you go along.

melinski · 08/09/2015 12:33

Artandco where did you get the special curved cutlery?

melinski · 08/09/2015 12:33

Sorry that should be to clearbluewater

BathshebaDarkstone · 08/09/2015 12:38

DS 4 was BLW, he's only recently started using cutlery although it's always been available, he still eats some things with his fingers because it's easier. At 2 I really wouldn't give a shit as long as he was eating it!

Sirzy · 08/09/2015 12:50

melinski DS uses junior caring cutlery which is really good for him.

captaincake · 08/09/2015 12:50

My DS is 15m and cannot use a spoon to eat apart from when it's something that won't fall off the spoon and I load it for him. I encourage him to try at almost every meal time but after a few attempts he just throws it on the floor and eats with his hands. He likes being spoon fed Hmm When he starts to play with is food/ throw any on the floor I tell him no and remove the food. I consider him a little behind but not worryingly so and I am sure he will catch up with gentle encouragement and praise. My concern is that he eats a wide variety of foods especially as he has multiple allergies.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you've said at all. I think your DH and MIL are being a bit ridiculous - it's hardly the biggest problem in the world! The phrase 'pick your battles' comes to mind. Also, I want to encourage my DS to enjoy eating a wide variety of foods and not consider mealtimes to be a time when he gets told off all the time for being messy, potentially leading to battles re. food as he gets a bit older.

HippyChickMama · 08/09/2015 12:51

I'd like to know about curved cutlery too! ds is 8, has dyspraxia and often comes out of school with yoghurt on his glasses! DD is just 2 and uses cutlery well, especially compared to ds at that age, she will occasionally put her cutlery down and start eating with her hands, especially if it's something awkward but if I gently remind her to use cutlery she will. I think its right not to make a big deal of it though.

MamaBear13 · 08/09/2015 12:57

I'd encourage the cutlery use but frankly it's normal for a 2 year old to get messy isn't it? If you start wiping their chin after every mouthful and telling them off then it'll just make mealtimes a stressful event for them rather than the fun exploration it should be. I'd rather have mess now than a child with an eating complex later!! Obviously at 2 I wouldn't be expecting them to be putting their face head first in a bowl or anything...

captaincake · 08/09/2015 13:05

hippyChick something like this might be helpful?

HippyChickMama · 08/09/2015 13:37

captaincake that looks like a dental mirror! We've got an OT appointment soon so I shall discuss with them to see what they think would help the most.

Excited101 · 08/09/2015 13:58

Accidental mess is one thing but really at 2 cutlery should be used the vast majority of the time. A coverall bib on him and don't worry about mucky face, hands (hair, floor...) and go from there. Wipe everything at the end but do keep reminding him to use cutlery.

Hellocampers · 08/09/2015 15:09

I have to say I don't find kids getting food everywhere cute.

A bit of mess fine but hands in and slapping it everywhere yeuk.

melinski · 08/09/2015 18:20

Thanks sirzy

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