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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL using us as a courier service!

60 replies

uppereastsidemom · 06/09/2015 01:38

SIL asked DH if she could get a gift delivered to us (we're in the U.S.) for her DDs birthday. We'd post it home, and do this for other family members, (DH's family only, as my family are considerate of how hectic I am and wouldn't ask).

DH checked with me (as I'm home with the two DC at the moment and he works long hours so realistically I would have to collect the package and post it on) and I said of course.

I came home (juggling toddler in buggy, baby in sling, and bags of shopping, in 90 degree heat) to have to pick up a massive parcel addressed to DH. I opened it as I had no idea what it was (checked with DH first obviously) to find 8 (!) almost identical sweatshirts, as well as a few other birthday gift type items. AIBU to think that SIL is taking the piss in ordering multiple sweatshirts meant clearly for my nieces friends? I'm back to work next week and feel like saying no to any more deliveries for any of his family.

OP posts:
definiteissues · 06/09/2015 01:46

Yabu.
She asked you first and you said yes. The contents of the parcel are pretty much irrelevant.
If you don't want any more deliveries then that's fine, say no when anyone else asks you. But yabu to be annoyed about this one

Original poster
uppereastsidemom · 06/09/2015 01:49

No, she asked if we could get a gift for our niece delivered.

OP posts:
MaddyinaPaddy · 06/09/2015 01:51

I don't really u derstand what you mean.why is she ordering stuff and getting it delivered to you and not herself?

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/09/2015 02:13

Wouldn't bother me (Canada here). Do you like her generally? I love my SIL and she would do it for me.

SolidGoldBrass · 06/09/2015 02:14

Is the issue that you are paying the postage costs? If that's so and it's a much bigger, heavier parcel than you were led to expect (so going to be much more expensive) then I see your point. Otherwise, what does it matter?

Zillie77 · 06/09/2015 02:24

If I were in your position, I would want her to 1. Apprise me of the approximate size of the package, if it were going to be larger than a breadbox, and 2. Make sure to pay me quickly for the shipping costs.

Other than that I would probably do it, but only for purchases where the company does not ship internationally-in other words I wouldn't do it to save them a few bucks on handling costs.

Original poster
uppereastsidemom · 06/09/2015 02:27

I just feel as though she was dishonest by saying that the package would be a gift for our niece when it wasn't. From a practical point of view, it's the inconvenience of carrying and storing the parcel. She knows that I have a lot on my plate at the moment for many reasons which I don't feel like getting into here. She's pretty spoilt and has a really entitled attitude generally which is why this has really annoyed me!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 06/09/2015 02:30

DH checked with me (as I'm home with the two DC at the moment and he works long hours so realistically I would have to collect the package and post it on) and I said of course. I know it's not necessarily easy but if you don't want to do it with good grace (and she may not be someone who you want to do favours for); don't. If you agree; do it with good grace.

Because life's too short.

Original poster
uppereastsidemom · 06/09/2015 02:39

Fair point. I wish I got on with / liked her better but just don't. I'm sad that she's godmother to my older DD who is going through a hard time at the moment, and hasn't phoned or texted to see how she is, yet is using us to get pointless stuff for her own DD to give to her mates to up her 'cool' factor (or whatever teens say these days, but you know what I mean).

I do think from now on I simply won't have time to pick up the packages and will leave this in DHs hands. Like you say it's not a favour if it's done with bad grace. Thanks for the thoughts...

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 06/09/2015 02:40

I'm just horribly jealous because you appear to live in NY. Bitch. Grin

Original poster
uppereastsidemom · 06/09/2015 02:44

Ha ha! Yes it is pretty cool! Although trying to get a toddler into pre-school is harder than getting them into college ????????

OP posts:
Original poster
uppereastsidemom · 06/09/2015 02:45

Maybe she's jealous too Grin

OP posts:
Zillie77 · 06/09/2015 02:49

Also, I can see how in NYC accepting and re-posting large packages may be a bigger deal than in some other places, depending on if you have a doorman, a car, etc.

Original poster
uppereastsidemom · 06/09/2015 02:54

Zillie, yes, 30 minute waits at the post office in the heat with cranky toddler and baby, no storage in our teeny apartment, and what's a car?

OP posts:
Zillie77 · 06/09/2015 03:26

Yes, it sounds like a royal pain. Can she really not have these sorts of items shipped directly to her? Sometimes companies will say on a website they don't ship internationally but they will if you ask.

Canyouforgiveher · 06/09/2015 04:00

30 minute waits in the PO? Shocking. where are you in the US. Where I am it is 5 mins tops.

If I were you I would send this lot on. then I would tell dh to explain to her that you have 2 smallies, no car, post office is really busy and involves a 30 minute wait so don't use your address for any other parcels.

Or just tell your DH that he can deal with all parcels - lots of post offices open on Saturday and he can bring the children with him while you stay home. Maybe that is the best solution actually.

By the way it is really really expensive to mail stuff to UK/Ireland. Plus filling in custom forms etc. Who pays for the postage? (when I send stuff home it often costs 20-30 dollars(

iamanintrovert · 06/09/2015 04:22

Definitely say no from now on. International postage is used by everyone else, she can start using it too. She's basically getting you to do her dirty work for her.

CleverPlansAndSecretTricks · 06/09/2015 05:04

Tell her to get a shop and ship account!
www.shopandship.com/en/about/what-is-sns

poocatcherchampion · 06/09/2015 05:19

30 mins in the post office is standard here too.

Yabu sorry.

kali110 · 06/09/2015 05:25

Bloody 15 odd minute wait here and it's boiling in the post office, i feel your pain!!

hebihebi · 06/09/2015 05:34

I'd just say no from now on. I have used a forwarding service in the US expatexpress and they were great. I bought a baby buggy that was much cheaper to get from the US Amazon and have shipped over than buy it where I am. These aren't things she needs. She could easily buy sweatshirts somewhere else.

HicDraconis · 06/09/2015 06:04

Ask her which sweater is the gift for her DD so that you can mail it on. And thank her for the other sweaters which are clearly presents for your own children to grow into, as a recognition of your time and effort sending on your neice's gift :-)

HicDraconis · 06/09/2015 06:05

Dammit! I wrote niece and the iPhone autocorrected it. I can spell Blush

sykadelic · 06/09/2015 06:13

I get the feeling many posters haven't been asked by friends to mail items many many many times over.

OP I totally get it and YANBU. I always ask (as you did) what sort of size/item we're talking about so that I have an idea of what I'm agreeing to. What you were told was not the same as what was sent. It's against "the rules" but some people suck...

You want to say something but you don't want to be a bitch because it's too late now and you have the item, so instead you just stew and mail it anyway and tell yourself that next time you'll be more cautious. But next time it'll be someone else who asks and they "really need your help" so you agree to help out and get screwed again (or just feel taken for granted for various reasons). When you're the kind of person that wants to be nice, and wants to be helpful, it's really hard to say no and feel like a bitch :S

So again, in short. No. YANBU to feel taken advantage of, but we both know you won't say anything for the sake of family harmony... You might be unable get to the post office for a few extra days though "because I didn't realise you were getting so many items and it won't be as simple to get to the post office as I initially thought. I'm going to need help because I have the kids too and the packages are large".

swimmerforlife · 06/09/2015 06:29

YANBU. She really should have told you it was a large parcel before asking you to send it.