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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

SIL using us as a courier service!

60 replies

uppereastsidemom · 06/09/2015 01:38

SIL asked DH if she could get a gift delivered to us (we're in the U.S.) for her DDs birthday. We'd post it home, and do this for other family members, (DH's family only, as my family are considerate of how hectic I am and wouldn't ask).

DH checked with me (as I'm home with the two DC at the moment and he works long hours so realistically I would have to collect the package and post it on) and I said of course.

I came home (juggling toddler in buggy, baby in sling, and bags of shopping, in 90 degree heat) to have to pick up a massive parcel addressed to DH. I opened it as I had no idea what it was (checked with DH first obviously) to find 8 (!) almost identical sweatshirts, as well as a few other birthday gift type items. AIBU to think that SIL is taking the piss in ordering multiple sweatshirts meant clearly for my nieces friends? I'm back to work next week and feel like saying no to any more deliveries for any of his family.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 06/09/2015 06:29

The PO can be a right pita depending on who is on package hunting duty. Getting the DCs ready and out, with diaper bag, snacks and drinks, getting through the streets to teh PO, waiting in line and then waiting for your package, and then lugging the whole thing home in the humidity and heat is no fun. Having the small children makes everything more difficult x 2000. YANBU.

If you are going to be stuck with another trip to the PO with large package and DCs in tow to mail on the items, fill out customs declarations, etc., then SIL is indeed taking the mickey.

Plus you are going to end up paying a fortune in postage to the UK for heavy sweatshirts, possibly with an oversized package surcharge on top of the already expensive rates.

Tell her you can't do this again. Or leave it all in the hands of DH if he wants to volunteer.

Andrewofgg · 06/09/2015 07:29

Say No, it does not work well, sorry, and mean it.

2rebecca · 06/09/2015 07:50

I would say yes if it's a one off present but no to being used as her unpaid servant regularly. I have ordered stuff from abroad and just pay extra postage and duty. It's part of the cost. She values her money over your money and time. Discuss it with your brother but leave future PO trips to him

OddBoots · 06/09/2015 08:03

I'm not sure I understand why you'd do this, it is a tax dodging thing?

AntsMarching · 06/09/2015 08:08

Odd some U.S. Companies won't ship to an international address. I sometimes do this (ship to my parents) because the company won't ship it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/09/2015 08:13

I might send her an email/text saying "hi SIL, your parcel has arrived with us. It's much bigger than I was expecting so will take me a while to make the special trip to the post office. I'll let you know when it's done."

Carriemac · 06/09/2015 08:19

I would be a bit PA and not forward it immediately. If she asks about it, day, oh it's so difficult to get to the PO, I will do it as soon as I can someone to look after the DCs. If you are too helpful, you'll always be asked. I get this a lot with family abroad, thay want to send stuff to me to forward to them. It really adds up cost wise too.

SaucyJack · 06/09/2015 08:23

I think this is one of those things where if you liked her, and/or had a two way relationship with her, it wouldn't even cross your mind to get the hump that there was a few extra sweatshirts in there.

Will you at least get a thank you in return?

SoupDragon · 06/09/2015 08:24

But it was a gift for your niece. It was also some extra stuff as well but is was still a gift for your niece. The faff in the PO would have been the same regardless.

SoupDragon · 06/09/2015 08:25

(Having said that, YANBU to say you can't do it again)

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 06/09/2015 08:35

Some companies wont ship to where i live.... like hollister .. Argos, ASDA ETC ... Im assuming hollister as its cheaper in the states... I have asked sisters 3/4 times each to post parcels but always deliver them to their homes and forward payment. Via bank transfer ... always leave plenty of time so they can post when passing. I hate asking but sometimes theres no option.

ScarletRuby · 06/09/2015 09:31

To be honest I think you are being unreasonable. I have friends who do this for me all the time and vice versa some times, so I can't see an issue doing it for family.

rollonthesummer · 06/09/2015 09:39

Who pays for the postage to your sil? This would piss me off as one t-shirt would cost, what £10 and be easy to carry with two kids and a buggy. 8 sweatshirts and a tom of other crap would be far heavier and more expensive.

Does she reimburse you?

Do it but with poor grace and make it clear what a pain in the neck it was!

Rachel0Greep · 06/09/2015 09:46

YANBU. As a one off, maybe, but I definitely wouldn't want this to be ongoing. There are plenty of ways / delivery services etc to get stuff shipped. As others have said, she values her money over your time and inconvenience. I'd leave it, get your husband to send it on, when he gets around to it, and say no, in future.

Reubs15 · 06/09/2015 09:48

Yabu. It's really nothing getting upset over, life's too short. Nobody's hurt. Just tell her no in future, solved!

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 06/09/2015 11:41

I have a feeling that once you've held onto the package for a good month or so and she has to schlep to her local sorting-office to pay import-duty and VAT she won't ask you again. One shirt probably wouldn't incur any costs but a bunch of them certainly will.

Anything else she wants can be brought when you come over to visit IF you have any spare space in your cases.

SoupDragon · 06/09/2015 11:48

she has to schlep to her local sorting-office to pay import-duty and VAT

I imagine the intention is to mark it as a gift for the niece.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 06/09/2015 12:20

It will probably be to avoid paying import duty, which is levied on new items sent from the USA to the UK.

Namechangenell · 06/09/2015 12:46

Are you me??? Also live in the US and SIL is an absolute nightmare for sending emails saying she's just ordered this and that from, say, JCrew. We wouldn't mind posting it on, would we? Well, no. Not the odd time. Multiple packages gets a bit much to be honest, though. I also have two toddlers and it's currently about 100F most days here. The last thing I want is to be lugging parcels to and from the post office! The other trick is ordering stuff just before she knows we're about to head over to the UK and asking us to pop it in our cases - except that with the aforementioned toddlers, we don't have half a suitcase spare for her purchases! Grr... Actually feels quite good to get that out. You have my sympathies, OP. I carry on for the sake of family harmony but it does grate, rather.

TheCraicDealer · 06/09/2015 13:11

Has anyone used those forwarding companies? Are they pricey?

AngelicaDelight · 06/09/2015 13:27

Why didn't you forward it while you were at the post office? In and out, job done? I don't see why you need "storage"

sykadelic · 06/09/2015 16:16

Angelica Per the OP:

"I came home (juggling toddler in buggy, baby in sling, and bags of shopping, in 90 degree heat) to have to pick up a massive parcel addressed to DH."

She was home, so depending where she lives "pick-up" could be the building managers room or a special storage room for mail. She also didn't know if it was actually her DH's parcel or not, after all, SIL only ordered "something for DN". So even if she HAD picked up the parcel at the post office, she didn't know it was SIL's (and we wouldn't either, DH receives multiple packages a week).

In an ideal world you'd receive a notice of a parcel, know it's SIL's, go to pick it up, re-address it, pay the postage and forward it on. That's easy enough. Unlikely though that they'd allow her to stand there at the counter and readdress it, so she'd have to step out of line while she does so and then hope back in line again (that 1/2 hour wait now became an hour) and with kids in tow that's not a simple thing.

2rebecca · 06/09/2015 16:25

Our parcel pick up deposit is half a mile from the post office and is pick up only. Neither are easy places to park for large items. I would say I am only prepared to do this once or twice a year and not for bulky things. I hate going to the post office and would happily say so to any relative wanting to give me jobs to do. There are plenty of sweat shirts in the UK. If something is only available to post to UK addresses

2rebecca · 06/09/2015 16:28

Sent by Mistake when correcting it. If only available to US address then you don't order it. I would be annoyed at the lying

kickassangel · 06/09/2015 16:29

hmm - there are also limits on how much you can send, both size and value. Perhaps warn her that next time SHE will have to pay out for a trade & import license? Suggest she looks into how much the UK govt charges for those.

It really isn't very much that can be sent (less than 40 pounds worth) before import taxes are due, as well as VAT etc. If she's importing to give/sell to others then she needs a trade license, and be registered as a company.

Perhaps you could point that out to her for her own good? She's lucky the parcel got through, and wasn't kept at customs until she paid a hefty fine.

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