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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to husbands lack of team spirit/communication?

23 replies

katieks · 05/09/2015 16:58

I don't know if I am being unreasonable but yesterday I realised that my son starts school on Monday and I won't be able to take him because I simply couldn't rejuggle my day (I know I should have realised this earlier but the au pair was going to take him and I've been SO busy). He's not my first child starting school so I suppose I wasn't as hyper-aware of it.

Anyway, I spent ages trying to rearrange things and finally wrote a plea to my husband asking whether he could please, please try to rerrange his Monday morning to be there for our son. His reply straightaway 'Already done'

I was cross last night that he hadn't thought to let me know of his intention to take DS when it could have saved me endless panicking and worry.He was cross that I was an ungrateful cow. What do you think?

OP posts:
Spilose · 05/09/2015 17:00

Yabu and need to be more organised

WipsGlitter · 05/09/2015 17:02

Well, you could probably have asked him sooner. Communication is a two-way thing.

OneBreathAfterAnother · 05/09/2015 17:02

Erm.. I think I'd be glad that he was aware that he'd need to be there and had sorted it already. If he hadnt, you'd have been in a bind yesterday trying to rearrange Monday morning.

Did you thank him, or did you moan that he hadn't told you before?

I can't really understand how as a family, you got to Friday without knowing who would take your son or communicating about this. Perhaps family organisation and communication in general needs to improve?

ShamelessHarpy · 05/09/2015 17:03

I can't really see the problem? Slight crossed wires, but he was taking your DS, no harm done.

maybe you just need a shared diary or a wall planner or something, and a quick chat each week about who is doing what?

wickedwaterwitch · 05/09/2015 17:05

You're both being a bit unreasonable Imo.

You are for being cross - it's sorted and both of ou could have communicated better

But he should have told you he'd organised it, how else would you have known?

But equally, why should you be grateful, it's his child too!

JoJoWill · 05/09/2015 17:05

yanbu - he should have told you sooner

PrimalLass · 05/09/2015 17:06

He's not my first child starting school so I suppose I wasn't as hyper-aware of it.

Poor kid.

LindyHemming · 05/09/2015 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

forthispostonly · 05/09/2015 17:07

I really hope that this is not a genuine thread. Your poor DS must be so thrilled that one of his parents managed to ^rearrange^ their morning to accompany him on his first day of school. Even if it was your 10th first day, he only gets one Hmm

Murfles · 05/09/2015 17:09

Poor kid

My sentiments exactly!

Quiero · 05/09/2015 17:16

You wrote a plea to your husband?

You are cross because he had the foresight to make sure he was around for your child's first day at school?

You only realised on Friday that your son starts school on Monday?

I don't even know where to start. I certainly don't think your husband is the problem here.

Crazypetlady · 05/09/2015 17:18

YABU
I feel bad that the au pair was going to take him because it's his first day but at least you oh is taking him now.

Fatmomma99 · 05/09/2015 17:41

LTB

junebirthdaygirl · 05/09/2015 17:53

Sounds like your dh just added it to his diary months ago when he knew first. Then sorted day at that time. I suppose to him that's regular so he presumed you would do the same and off ye would go with your little guy. Sounds like you could learn a bit from him on planning ahead. Don't blame someone else when you made a bit of a mess of it.

Spartans · 05/09/2015 18:13

Wow...Yabvu.

You forgot about making arrangements for your child, he hadn't and you are mad at him for sorting it.

Does he work away? Why would you write to him to sort something out.

Spartans · 05/09/2015 18:17

Actually it's you that isn't the team player, really.

I don't want to be harsh, I think that maybe you feel a bit guilty about forgetting and are projecting? Is that possible?

Flashbangandgone · 05/09/2015 18:22

Yabu

Many on here would be glad to have a DH who took the initiative and arranged time off... Yes, he should perhaps have communicated better, but of the two of you, you don't really have moral high ground here!

diddl · 05/09/2015 18:23

When he wrote "already done", does that mean that he had already booked the time without knowing that you couldn't iyswim?

Flashbangandgone · 05/09/2015 18:24
  • you have an au pair... Even less reason to be disorganised! Again, many on here are able to organise themselves without an au pair to scurry round after you!
theredjellybean · 05/09/2015 18:28

actually i get what you mean...it isnt about if it is 'right' or wrong that you were/are maybe a bit disorganised ...thats your buisness , but you had all the angst when you husband had calmly decided unilaterally he was doing and he could have told you ages ago and you wouldnt have had to worry.
and as a working mum in a profession currently being bad mouthed by govt and media and public for not offering a 7 day service...i already work 6 ...i do understand that rearranging work is not always easy. we dont all have the luxury of just taking the time off to be there for every 'first' thing kids do.
I wonder if your husband had come on and stated he had only just realised his son was starting school monday and he couldnt rearrange work and the au pair whom he thought was doing it couldnt, and gosh he had been so stressed but when he asked wife she said ' oh its sorted' he would get same reaction ????? i dont think so .

Spartans · 05/09/2015 18:32

there but the OP forgot to mention it too, because she forgot completely.

But it's him that's not the team player for organising it and forgetting to say?

Maybe he presumed she would know he had, I sure he didn't presume she had just forgot. He knew the au pair wasn't doing it and something needed sorting so he sorted it

Spartans · 05/09/2015 18:34

Yes he would get the same reaction, imo

Reubs15 · 06/09/2015 16:19

Yabu. You can't be pissed at him for sorting it out just because you feel bad that you didn't.

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