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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think there is an unspoken race in regards to weaning?

24 replies

onthematleavecountdown · 04/09/2015 13:35

My DS is 6.5 months. For 3 weeks he has been having fruit purees, veg purees, mixed purees and just this week we have started with a few finger foods such as toast, rice cakes, banana, soft cooked carrot etc which isn't going to well.

When I am out with my ante natal group I am always getting comments such as "Oooh my dd can manage really lumpy food now", "my dd can eat chocolate buttons", "you waited to long to wean that why he can only manage purees" etc.

All the other babies of the same age seem to be so much further ahead.

Should I be worried that he can only really manage purees at this age? Did I leave it too long? I was just trying to follow the guidelines

OP posts:

Sirzy · 04/09/2015 13:38

I think that is the case with so many things baby related.

Sleeping through the night
Weaning
Changing up a car seat size (that one really pisses me off!)
Weight
Clothes sizes

And that's before the developmental milestones.

It's madness!

Sirzy · 04/09/2015 13:39

And no you shouldn't be worried there is no race to eat!

Food should be fun til 1.

PermetsTu · 04/09/2015 13:40

Ignore the pressure for a start. You have done nothing wrong at all. Perhaps those parents are reassuring themselves and perhaps in part, your worry means you're hearing criticism where there is none.

There's nothing wrong with a 6.5 month old preferring purees tbh. For the first 6 months of weaning, their nutrition and calories still come largely from milk. The food is additional and about getting them used to solids.

What do you mean by finger foods not going well?

I only ever gave normal/finger food from 6 months and dd and dd refused purees entirely. They also would only self-feed. That was just them. It was personality as much as anything else.

Theycallmemellowjello · 04/09/2015 13:40

I think people are just chatting about their babies because it's what they have in common at the ante-natal group. I wouldn't take it personally. I also wouldn't worry about the food thing - the guidance they give you is an average and some babies are faster and slower.

Spilose · 04/09/2015 13:41

No it's not just weaning, it's everything. Walking, talking, sleeping, potty training....it never ends

musicmaiden · 04/09/2015 13:44

It's a load of old nonsense being competitive about milestones. Ignore, smile sweetly and carry on with what you are doing, which is exactly right.

Eating is a skill to master like any other, your DS has only been doing it a very short time and will get there, and probably fairly soon. In the meantime he has milk to give him all he needs. Really don't worry.

BarbarianMum · 04/09/2015 13:44

Nope.

Chocolate buttons would have been looked down upon at the baby groups I went to. Organic brussel sprouts and kale brulee were more the thing

my ds1 didn't even like any solids at 6 months and scorned baby-led weaning altogether

Lilipot15 · 04/09/2015 13:46

If this group of people are making you feel anxious, consider how much time you spend with them.

horsewalksintoabar · 04/09/2015 13:51

Maybe it's why, after DC1 I didn't go near an antenatal group again.
Your baby will let you know when he/she us ready. We all get there in the end, but we're not formulaic, by the book creatures. I've had four babies OP, one sadly a stillborn, but if course I can't exclude her . And goodness, my first could eat a leg if lamb from birth (exaggerating!). My youngest only got around to lumps at 11 months, even at a year I was cautious. But very, very quickly he went into eating baby biscuits. He's 15 months now and eats everything. The teeth just had to come in. His molars popped through around 13 months and he was ready. I am guided by my kids. I sirtbof follow their lead and if I'm not comfortable giving them stuff, I don't. I am terrified of them choking. I don't care what others think. It's not a race. It's your baby, your comfort zone and theirs. Put you and baby first.

I'll tell you what though. Isn't EVERY bby more advanced than ours? They're all sleeping through the night from birth and here I am, 15 months on waking up every couple of hours. But you know, they really do all get there.

CasperGutman · 04/09/2015 13:52

People are competitive, but the competition only exists in your head.

You hear "my dd can eat chocolate buttons" as a criticism, but maybe it's just conversation. Respond by saying "That's interesting, my ds only likes purees so far, but I'm sure they'll both be able to manage steak by the time they're 21!"

As it happens my son wasn't even remotely interested in purees or anything else other than breastmilk when he was 6.5 months. Maybe now you'll take that as criticism. Do I think you're pushing weaning too hard too soon, or am I just making conversation too?

It's the latter!

horsewalksintoabar · 04/09/2015 13:52

Oh dear...typos galore in my post! Sorry OP!

Original poster

onthematleavecountdown · 04/09/2015 13:54

Thanks everyone. Feel better now. its an NCT group, and from the raised eyebrows there is only one kid who is getting chocolate buttons.

OP posts:

Twunk · 04/09/2015 13:56

DS2 would not eat anything at all until he was nearly 8 months! He was late to toilet train too. He was prem but also just damn stubborn.

I remember with DS1 I was a bit nervous of the next stage (weaning) and sort of wanted to get it over and done with. I wanted to wait until 6 months but cracked at 5.5 because I just kept thinking about it all the time and driving myself insane. I don't think I had enough to do, possibly

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 04/09/2015 14:08

Ds would only ever eat finger food/ what he could feed himself. No purees or spooning from parents allowed.

I started at 5.5 months when he clearly wanted our picnic food (summer hols last year).

For ages he seemed very behind other kids because he only wanted small amounts and a limited range.

Now at 18 months he suddenly seems very advanced as he is eating exactly what we are (cut up) and sometimes using fork (can use spoon but fork more difficult).

Dd we went through whole process of purées, through lumps and then solids. She was always a good eater but as I recall needed note help at 18 months.

Witchend · 04/09/2015 14:08

Well my latest weaner, ds (dc#3) (for dd1 the advice was that she'd never eat properly if she wasn't started on the dot of 4 months ) went straight to finger food and didn't bother with purees. But he was about 7.5 months. He didn't need weaning before that and it was Christmas which would have been a hassle to sort, so I stuck with bfding him over then. We were out about a week later and he grabbed my toast and I kind of thought "fine let him".
So when you're thinking everyone's racing, it could be that you've started before them but are doing it slower.
With dd1 I went through all the baby rice, veg only purees, slowly moving onwards. She didn't have chocolate until her MMR at 15 months

Dd2 refused all solids until dd1 kindly gave her a chocolate button, can't remember exactly when but it was around 9 months. She then thought she'd have a lick of ice cream a couple of days later and then I could persuade her to take some solids. Not much and only entirely pureed (think 4month+ jars, what we called slop) until she was about 18 months. But I can truthfully say she weaned on chocolate and ice cream.

Dd2 now eats everything and anything, whereas dd1 who was a dream to wean eats nothing by choice!

I think I'd have lost any race with any of them. Dd1 because I tried everything so slowly and carefully, but the other two because they didn't have solids at all until much later than usual.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 04/09/2015 14:10

I weaned DS at 7 months on yoghurt. Got a few looks from a mate who was shoving peanut butter sandwiches into the mouth of her 2 month old but otherwise no worries.

He's now a mahoosive 12 year old with size 8 feet so I guess I did okay.

sleepy11 · 04/09/2015 14:48

Agreed - does my head in! Mine actually were v good eaters v early but I tended to play it down so I wasn't the annoying one looking like I was competing and bragging!

I also had a friend who always seemed like she was slagging off nappers as her son apparently "has soo much energy - no naps for my little one!" - as if babies or toddlers that napped were weak or something .

Let them be babies! You don't get it back!

ChristineDePisan · 04/09/2015 14:53

Wait until you get onto reading book levels and piano exams, OP...

ReallyTired · 04/09/2015 14:54

You are only at the start of competitive parenting. Your ante natal class are lacking as they should have enrolled their babies in Suzuki violin and be free readers by now.

The real horror is yet to come - potty training!

fairyfeatures · 04/09/2015 14:58

I cant wait to brag that I actually waited until 6 months to start weaning them. I find people are encouraging babies not to be babies any more -and then whinge on FB that they are upset that they are growing up too quickly- like my SIL

Guidelines are that they don't actually need to be weaned until 6 months. In fairness, I have an insane fear of babies choking but I still think they don't need it and wouldn't hazard a guess at it being related to the countries obesity issues...

Do you know what else really annoys me - babies in jeans!!

Cue FB status and accompanying photo 'Aw, my baby's wearing jeans!! So cute but so grown up... slow down baby!' -Or put him in a frigging babygro-

Ahhhh. That's better!

Original poster

onthematleavecountdown · 04/09/2015 15:33

Oh dear, if this is just the start I need to put my big girl pants on accept that each stage of development is different for every baby.

Oh yeah - jeans. No thanks. I like babies to look like babies. There's a very high chance that this will be my only child, not my choice, and I sometimes worry I am babying him but you've all made me realise this isn't the case. Cheers!

OP posts:

CruCru · 04/09/2015 15:43

You know what? When the kids are five, none of this will matter. Then everyone will be boasting about how their kid can read Harry Potter in Latin.

Lurkedforever1 · 04/09/2015 20:17

Agree with others. I was on the other side, although didn't usually go round discussing it as light chat. dd was weaned early, she was ready, and most importantly as far as anybody else, including the bloody health visitor, was concerned, under medical advice. I got it the other way 'ooh, I've heard blah blah blah, mine is still exclusively breast feeding, mine couldn't eat that much, food is fun till one etc etc'. My friend got it your way, as her ds weaned late by any standards. It's irrelevant, dd didn't start school obese, he didn't start school needing a breast feed for lunch. It really isn't worth a second thought, mostly people are just making conversation, however you interpret it, and competitive parents will always find something to say.

RachelZoe · 04/09/2015 21:00

You're fine, absolutely normal. The thing is with eating in particular, it isn't a case of being "advanced" nor is it an achievement to have them eating early, it's just food, basic human need, nothing to be proud nor ashamed of. It bears no reflection on you, your baby, or his future potential as a human being, breathe .

Happy pureeing!

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