To ask, if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, would you be pleased with for the life youve had?

[Fandangola]

My dc, my career and my friends make me grateful.

My childhood, my choice of husband and my finances do not. Feel as though I've faced a disproportionate amount of family stress and poverty.

On balance I would not say I was pleased with the life I've had.... Just sort of mildly regretful and surprised it never really got much better. I would feel cheated if I died tomorrow as I had would never have known real family peace or financial stability.

Do others feel similar, placing such weight on childhood, current marriage and money? Or am I totally unreasonable?!

Yes I would, I've had a fantastic life and have some amazing memories. There have been the bad times too (sexually a used as a child, adult and teen, accident which paralysed me though I can walk again now, nearly died in a house fire which my stalker started, repeated late miscarriages and stillbirth and only one living child, currently have cancer which isn't responding to surgery or treatment) but they've helped me to focus my mind on making sure I love my life and getting the most out of it. Without those events I wouldn't be who I am today.
I've had a pretty stellar and extremely lucrative career at a very young age (went to uni very early, finished my PhD before most would have started their bachelors degrees) which took me all over the world. I've lived in some amazing countries, had some amazing experiences, became a Cuban citizen and now own a ranch in an extremely remote part of South America, which is heaven for us.

Of course I would love to live to see DS grow up and to spend into my old age withbut I am very pleased with the life I've had. wonderful DH, but

for everyone who has posted with sadness. Thank you for sharing honestly, especially if to do so has brought pain to the surface.
I'd like to think that there are enough people here that genuinely care, even if we don't know one another.
And thanks to the OP for such a thought provoking question

I have been very lucky in life. A happy childhood. I mostly enjoyed school very much and always had lots of friends. Did well at college and had a ball. Had my heart bitterly broken once (but who hasn't?).

Met my DH at university, and meeting him pretty much guaranteed me a lot of happiness in my life. I am very privileged in that I have always felt very loved, by my family, by DH, by friends, and you really can't ask for more than that.

I've been truly blessed with fabulous DCs. They're genuinely nice people. They're both funny, considerate and pretty easy going as a rule. They're clever and doing well at school. Plenty of friends and doing lots of activities.

We don't have any financial worries, we have enough to live a comfortable lifestyle with a few treats along the way.

So overall, if I dropped dead tomorrow I can honestly say I've had as good a life as many and possibly better than most. But I do know how lucky I am and never take it for granted.

Gudrun -
Fandangola - your posts are very interesting, no need to apologise for the navel gazing! I do think that a bad childhood affects your whole life. All experiences we have at that age, good or bad, make such a huge impression on us that it is very difficult to shake them off in later life. Which is also why those who have a happy childhood are very lucky, because they will draw strength from it for the rest of their life!

I had a pretty awful childhood and had some awful times since. Money is short and there are lots of things I haven't done with my life which I do regret - I didn't go to uni through no fault of my own, never been on holiday or abroad, don't have a career, have no friends or family apart from DH and DD. However. I do have more love in my life than I ever thought possible, a solid marriage to a wonderful, kind man who I love so much and he me, and a beautiful DD who has grown into a principled, loving, kind, clever, funny young woman. We have a secure home which is modest but full of our special memories, and there are so many of those. So, I feel very, very lucky and if I died tomorrow I would die happy and glad that I've known so much love, stability and happiness.

Sorry for the soppiness

Ophelia- your post has moved me to tears because I'm pleased for you. Need a hanky emoticon!

Cabbage- but what constitutes a happy child hood? As I didn't have one myself I genuinely don't know what it would be. I like to think ds has had a good childhood so far- as far as he knows, a stable home, two loving parents, a lovely school, loving aunts and grandparents, a wide circle of adults who he enjoys playing with, a garden and a little sister he adores. But he tells me he is sad sometimes because we - me and dh - disagree every day. Is that an unhappy childhood? Mine was straightforward ghastly- dv, poverty, lots of uncertainty. I'm not sure I know what good enough is.

On a world wide scale I suppose that, yes, I would be grateful that my life has been easier than many. I had a good childhood with kind, loving, parents and a stable home. As an adult, I have three lovely children of whom I am immensely proud.

However, on a personal level and compared to many other people, I have done nothing. There are so many things that I have always fully intended to become reality "when I'm older" - and none yet have. Mainly because I haven't actually put the hard work in to make them happen. I'm talking about things like losing weight (I've been overweight for 18 years), getting a degree, working at a proper decent career, having more money, lots of places I want to see that I haven't been to yet etc. etc. etc.

So, no, if my life was ending tomorrow I wouldn't be happy with the way I've lived it, although I have had happiness for most of it. If that makes sense.

I just don't know - I thought my Cancer had returned a few years ago and was admitted to hospital - during the night I needed an emergency operation - my husband had gone home and I really thought on the way to theatre I might not get out of this but I felt content because I knew I was loved and my husband would bring my grown up boys up well. Obviously I am here but a month later my husband had a heart attack and died instantly and now I am scared of dying because I don't want my boys to go through that pain again. The months after my husbands death I spent ages sorting all the paperwork out etc. some days I don't want to carry on - I feel old and as if there is no joymy life and other days I just realise how lucky I am .this probably does not make sense but it's silly o'clock - another sleepless night!

I, like many here, have had some pretty low points in life. Some self caused, many due to things out of my control. However, they shaped me to who I am and how I live now. If I died tomorrow, I couldn't regret the bad because a lot of the good in my life may not have happened. I'd be upset at the future I had been denied though. I'm about to have my first child, with a partner I love to pieces and can't wait to marry. I know there are at least two people in this world who need me around, yes they could move on, but it's nice to be wanted, just for being me, not to be used. So, dying would leave me feeling sorry for what could have been, not what has been.

A very, very special person to me died yesterday, so had been thinking about this very thing tonight.

I have a wonderful child, great friends, the best childhood. I married a man I adored - the marriage failed, but the experience of loving him was amazing and I do not regret that for a minute. I have travelled, done some fabulous things, seen sights I dreamed of as a child. I fell in love, after divorce and felt true love for the first time ever - I thought I'd had it. I had no idea.
But. I am a mother. Had I died pre child, yes, my life had been good. I'd had a great life. But now - I count every day. There will never be a day when I think she is ok to go on without me, but (god willing) one day she will. So now, it is not what have I done, it is what can I give her. Experiences, time, love, memories. My life has been great. But now I want her to have great and I want to be in it. I don't want to go yet, because she needs more and if I go, she'll be post on the 2040 version of Mumsnet saying, "If only I'd had my mum longer".

Apologies for the essay, as I say, feeling sad and nostalgic tonight.

So sorry for your very recent loss, Catrin - and that of your husband, Albert. for both of you.

I don't know. On a 'compared to poverty stricken/refugees/famine people' then my life is pretty damn excellent. Personally, less so.
I've worked hard and carved a meaningful career for myself, have a home.
Married the wrong person and am going through divorce, I knew before we married that it wasn't right, but I couldn't make myself brave enough to stop it all, it makes me feel awful knowing the hurt I caused my ex.
The person I love dearly, completely and wholly doesn't want me. Well he does and he doesn't. He plays me. I know he does, but I let it happen. DP doesn't know about him. Basically I'm being a complete twat.