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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a Bride is mean

68 replies

Daffy10 · 03/09/2015 12:29

Am bridesmaid soon for my friend.

We have to pay for our own make up, shoes, jewellery, tan etc.

I also have to pay for her hens which is costing a bomb!

I ahve never been a bridesmaid before, what is the norm can someone tell me?

Being bridesmaid seems to be more hassle and money then its worth!

OP posts:
Scarletforya · 03/09/2015 12:30

What do you mean you have top pay for her hen?

Where did you get that idea?

AllThereIs · 03/09/2015 12:31

Don't get your make up done, wear shoes and jewellery you already have and do your hair as normal. Sorted.

RealityCheque · 03/09/2015 12:32

Eh?

'Her hens'?

DawnOfTheDoggers · 03/09/2015 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 03/09/2015 12:33

I assume the Op has to pay to attend whatever the hen party is.

M00nUnit · 03/09/2015 12:33

Has she told you you have to have a tan?

Jackie0 · 03/09/2015 12:33

Wouldn't the hen party split the cost between them?
You aren't paying for the whole thing are you?
My sister was my bridesmaid and my parents paid , that's probably very old fashioned now .
The only thing I would say about your dress is that if you're paying then you get to choose it.

Original poster
Daffy10 · 03/09/2015 12:33

Yeah but what is the norm?? The same friend was my bridesmaid and I paid for hair make up tan & got jewellery for them as a thank you for being my bridesmaid.

For the hens, I have to pick up all the tacky bride to be stuff. I reserved an area which had to be paid for etc

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 03/09/2015 12:33

IMO if you are asked to be a bridesmaid it should not cost you anything, or at least not more to attend than if you were a guest without a role.

This stupid custom of paying for the bride's hen night is just unfair and should be phased out. It means you all have to pay to go to the hen night ( which can run into hundreds), pay a part of the bride's cost, pay for hotel accommodation as a guest at the wedding, usually pay for some or all of your drinks at the wedding and pay for a gift.

To ask a guest to pay for the bride is taking the piss.

RainbowFlutterby · 03/09/2015 12:34

I'd stand down.

londonrach · 03/09/2015 12:36

tan? Just do own hair, use shoes, jewellery and do your make up as normal. As for the hen party. Are you paying for the bride or just yourself.

SoupDragon · 03/09/2015 12:36

Why do people join a parenting website to whinge about a bride?

sleepyhead · 03/09/2015 12:37

Sounds pretty standard if you mean you're contributing your share of the cost of the hen night.

I bought my bridesmaid her dress, paid for hairdresser visit on the day, and got her a necklace as a thank you present, but she paid for her shoes (well actually wore some she already had), and we didn't do tans or professional makeup - if she'd wanted it I'd have expected her to arrange it herself.

Hen night was just a meal and drinks so everyone pitched in.

Jackie0 · 03/09/2015 12:37

Sorry op I thought it was the dress you were paying for.

Hackersschmakers · 03/09/2015 12:39

Soup there are more non-parenting issues than parenting on chat / AIBU.

MissBattleaxe · 03/09/2015 12:39

SoupDragon- it's fine to come on Mumsnet and slate a bridezilla. It's part of my summer hobby to read such threads during wedding season.

KanyeWestPresidentForLife · 03/09/2015 12:39

Yeah. Because parenting is the only thing you're allowed to discuss on MN right?

Why do people join parenting websites to be needlessly snarky to other posters.

Original poster
Daffy10 · 03/09/2015 12:40

Soupdragon are u serious?

There are plenty of topics that have nothing to do with children????

OP posts:
sleepyhead · 03/09/2015 12:40

I think I paid my share of my hen night. Confused

(It was a long time ago though and I was ver ver drunk offisher)

Lj8893 · 03/09/2015 12:42

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, shoes, jewellery and hair.

Make up etc was left to them but I had no stipulations. They all just did their own make up and nails. One bridesmaid got a spray tan (as she always does for occasions, nights out) and the other 2 didn't as it's not their thing.

The hen do costs were split evenly between all attendees, including myself.

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 03/09/2015 12:43

Cost of hen night should be split between all the hens, why are you paying for a lot of the costs?

My bm paid for her shoes, I paid for everything else. You don't need a tan.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/09/2015 12:46

Soup - you aren't new and the whole 'bridezilla' topic is discussed on AIBU a few times a week/month/year... so why be snarky now?

I'm single woman not a parent - am I now banned from MN due to your rules that it's a parenting website?! Shock

Original poster
Daffy10 · 03/09/2015 12:48

Thanks guys. I just wasn't sure what the norm was. She bought the dress and that's it.

There is only 2 bridesmaids but the "maid of honour" is not pulling the finger out so I have to go out and buy all the tacky stuff and she said she would give me half on the night. I'm a busy working mum so just have to find the time now to buy the stuff!

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 03/09/2015 12:49

OP - only in USA (American bride) did I pay for dress (and shoes etc) but we had a shower as I don't think they do hen parties there...

in UK when I was BM the bride paid for my dress, I sorted everything else out - the hen party was paid for (activities) but we paid for our meals/drinks etc... One of the other BM's (cousin of bride who was my SIL to be) wanted to get a hairdresser to do everyone's hair - but this was shouted down!

Just pay what you're asked to pay in my opinion...

MidnightVelvetthe3rd · 03/09/2015 12:50

Sounds as though you have fallen in the middle & the bride isn't aware that you are paying for stuff such as the reserved area & the other hens aren't aware either.

Contact all the hens & suggest that the hen night costs are split equally between you.

I think the other stuff depends on how matchy matchy the bride wants you to be, if she an expectation of the bridesmaids that they have a tan then she should pay, if she has no opinion then you pay if you want it. If she specifies the shoes & jewellery that you wear then she pays, if not then you do....

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