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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a Bride is mean

68 replies

Daffy10 · 03/09/2015 12:29

Am bridesmaid soon for my friend.

We have to pay for our own make up, shoes, jewellery, tan etc.

I also have to pay for her hens which is costing a bomb!

I ahve never been a bridesmaid before, what is the norm can someone tell me?

Being bridesmaid seems to be more hassle and money then its worth!

OP posts:

nottheOP · 03/09/2015 13:27

I think when you're a bridesmaid it's fairly normal for the bride/groom to pay for the dresses, shoes if they specify them but not if you can just wear whatever you like, hair if they want it put up or styled in a certain way. Maybe make up but this would depend on how snazzy the wedding was - I had my make up done - some bridesmaids chose to do it themselves, some paid for their own, it was up to them.

If it's a fairly standard hen do of 10ish women, dinner, hotel, night out and some kind of day activity, I'd expect the hen to be paid for between the 10 people, including any fancy dress.

I wouldn't spend £200 on a dress I was only going to wear once for a bridesmaid duty, same for shoes & random hair dos - I think this is why the bride/groom should pay especially when they're dictating something you'd never wear yourself. Sometimes you just have to say no.

PingpongDingDong · 03/09/2015 13:31

I agree, I find the American tradition of the bridesmaids paying for their own dresses very strange. Hair and make up are a bit different though unless the bride wants a certain look.

cosytoaster · 03/09/2015 13:32

In the olden days, when I got married, the convention was that the bride paid for the dress and bridesmaids bought their own shoes. Everyone did their own hair and make up and bridesmaids only had tans if they'd been out in the sun!
Hen nights were a few beers round town with everyone taking turns to buy the bride's drinks.
Weddings seem to have turned into a complete production in the last few years, I don't know how people can be arsed with them.

lorelei9 · 03/09/2015 13:38

the only acceptable thing is for the bride to pay for everything in my view

I would tell her that you are being asked to pay for hens, in case she doesn't know.

but overall she's not sounding like a good friend, sorry. Expecting a bridesmaid to pay for things is like hiring a helper for the day and expecting them to pay you....!

Original poster

Daffy10 · 03/09/2015 14:03

Someone hit the nail on the head. Grabby is the word for her!

She is crying poverty to me yet her dress cost 2k and she has got botox, hair extensions etc. That's all fair enough its her day but God think outside yourself for a few minutes.

I don't think I would resent putting money into her hens if she was a little bit more generous!

OP posts:

PurpleSkyatthewateringhole · 03/09/2015 14:12

I asked my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses as I was struggling with money at the time. We had a very (beautifully intimate) small country wedding. They did their own make up, chose their own dresses (all the same colour but individual desses) and I did their hair (I also did my own make up and hair). The day was perfect.

Olddear · 03/09/2015 14:15

Think I'd be coming down with a dose of the 'flu.

NerrSnerr · 03/09/2015 14:16

It wouldn't have crossed my mind to pay for tan or makeup for my bridesmaids. I didn't care what shade of white or brown they were and I assumed they'd just wear whatever makeup they wanted to. I told my bridesmaids to wear any shoes they wanted so didn't pay for them. I bought one bridesmaid a necklace (cheap from Accessorize) to go with her dress but the others didn't want one. I paid for their dresses.

onecurrantbun1 · 03/09/2015 14:19

We bought my bridesmaids' dresses and jewellery/headband. They wore their own shoes which I think they already owned. Since I didn't have spray tan, professional make up or my hair done I didn't pay for theirs, although they both had tans and one had a fancy up do done.

Obviously they paid their own share of the hen do but chose to pay mine too. As I hadn't known or agreed to this (are you sure the bride wants or expects it? I certainly didn't!) I paid for the meal at Pizza Hut before the show and also got 3 or 4 pitchers of cocktails to share after.

onecurrantbun1 · 03/09/2015 14:22

WRT your last post, OP, why are you her bridesmaid?! It doesn't sound like you like her very much.

threenotfour · 03/09/2015 14:23

I would be a bit suspect of the maid of honour in case she doesn't pay you on the night. I'd be inclinded to ask for a bank transfer for the money now in advance or definitely get the money off her before you start drinking.

Original poster

Daffy10 · 03/09/2015 14:27

onecurrantbun1 its true what they say about brideszillas, she has turned into one. If I had known then what I know now I wouldn't have accepted.

OP posts:

Moodyblue1 · 03/09/2015 14:51

I bought my bridesmaids their dresses, shoes, jewellery and hair accessory thing I also paid for their hair and make up to be done. Wasn't fussed about tans, nails etc if they wanted that they could get it themselves. Also I didn't have a hen night so they didn't have extra costs there.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/09/2015 14:53

IMHO, being a bridesmaid, should cost nothing to the person asked, if you have to ask for a bM to pay fir their role of being bM, you obviously cannot afford it. I paid for everything, for my 2 bM, never expected them to pay for anything. It's rude.

bringthenoise · 03/09/2015 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 03/09/2015 19:53

Just back out of bridesmaid duties or open your mouth and say something. Job done.

Moregravyplease · 03/09/2015 20:05

I was maid of honour a few years ago and my friend paid for my dress, shoes and flowers for my hair. We just did our own make up and hair and she bought me a beautiful silver and amethyst brooch and a necklace and earrings.

The hen night was her and I watching Paul and Pauline Calfs four fights two weddings and a funeral on DVD which we had watched loads years before and had lots of personal in jokes to us and drinking baileys.

EduCated · 03/09/2015 20:11

The generally accepted 'rule' in my peer group has been that the bride (and groom) pay for anything they insist on - if they want particular shoes, they pay. If they want particular jewellery, they pay. Otherwise bridesmaid buys their own, but it's entirely their choice.

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