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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Joint parties! WIBU to buy a small gift for this girl?

19 replies

dontrunwithscissors · 03/09/2015 11:05

DD1 has a party this weekend--it's a joint party with one of her best friends and another girl that she barely knows. (I'd never heard her name until the invite came.)

I get a bit peeved with joint parties. Last year, 3 girls had a joint party (all of whom were fairly good friends with DD1) so I ended up spending almost £50 on 3 sets of presents. Meanwhile, the parents have got a birthday party for a bargain.

For this weekend, WIBU to get her best friend a nice present and then get the other girl a book or some token present in the £3 mark (maybe £5, but that's pushing it)? DH was made redundant a month ago and we can barely afford the one present.

OP posts:

VinylScratch · 03/09/2015 11:07

I only spend around £5 on presents for birthday parties so YANBU. Kids love stuff like sticker books, small craft sets etc, you don't have to spend a fortune.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 03/09/2015 11:08

When my son had a joint party i didn't expect presents from the guests that weren't "his"

Chrysanthemum5 · 03/09/2015 11:08

In general when the DCs have had joint parties, or been to them then it's usual that guests would bring one present.

I tend to buy gifts in the sales etc. so I would probably give two gifts at a joint party, but only have spent about £5 on each child.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 03/09/2015 11:08

Well I can't think how you spent 50 pounds! I spend about a fiver each personally....I look for things on sale or use the Argos offer...

I spend a tenner when it's a good mate. So YANBU.

Rainbowlou1 · 03/09/2015 11:09

We had a joint party for my son's 5th birthday with a friends daughter-they go to different schools and so we didn't put on the invite it was a joint party because we didn't want people to feel they had to buy for both.
If we have gone to joint parties where I don't know the other child I only buy for the child we know.

AndNowItsSeven · 03/09/2015 11:09

There should be no correlation between party cost and present cost. If your dd was invited to separate parties you would buy two presents. So yes yabu buy two small presents if you are skint, it's not fair on the other girl.

Original poster

dontrunwithscissors · 03/09/2015 11:13

People spend a fortune on presents here--in the region of £20 per child. I would guess that DD1 has got some presents that were well in excess of that.

I've found a present for the best friend on sale for £9 instead of £20. We're really up against the wall in terms of finances right now, but I wouldn't want DD1 to miss her best friend's party. God knows what we will do come Easter as we promised her a party this year. You can't get anything for less than £140, unless you do it yourself.

One of the parties this year involved them hiring out a swimming pool and then a small group of children got a limousine to Pizza Hut. Another one hired a recording studio for them to make their own CD.

My parties were always at home with my mum making sandwiches and playing pass the parcel.

OP posts:

Original poster

dontrunwithscissors · 03/09/2015 11:17

@chrysanthemum but how does it work if you bring 1 present to a shared party?

DD1 would have never been invited to a party from this other girl. She knows her as she's in the same year, but never plays with her.

The £50 for the earlier joint party was based on £15-ish for each child. DD1 knows 2 of them from nursery and the other 1 was a good friend at the time. However, this was before DH was made redundant & money was more plentiful.

OP posts:

Yokohamajojo · 03/09/2015 11:18

Absolutely fine I think! it's not like they open the presents at the party! When we have had joint parties we have made it clear on the invite that it's different lists eg. divide the class so that the birthday kids invite different kids! so parents do NOT have to buy more than one present! The advantage of a joint party is that more kids can be invited!

TheHouseOnTheLane · 03/09/2015 11:20

Seven In all likeylhood both girls will have split the guest list...so it's very fair.

butttons · 03/09/2015 11:22

I think it's fine to get a small token present for the child you do not know if this is something YOU want to do - it's a nice gesture and I certainly hope you don't feel like you are being put under pressure on this.

If I was the parent of a child having a joint party I certainly wouldn't expect gifts from people she didn't know.

aurorie11 · 03/09/2015 11:23

My DC is having a joint party with another child, as they will be 5 not long after starting school. The two children were at nursery together (not school nursery) so won't have made school friends yet. Me and the other mum are inviting the whole year, but have said on invites, presents aren't expected, but if people really want to buy, just buy one and we will share them between the two children. The thought of that many presents if they all brought one horrifies me

Original poster

dontrunwithscissors · 03/09/2015 11:29

OK, so a general consensus. I suspect that some of the children invited are friends with both girls, but not everyone (like DD1). The invite was clearly marked from both girls.

OP posts:

attheendoftheday · 03/09/2015 11:32

There's nothing wrong with giving what you can afford regardless of what other's are doing. Your present plus a little something (couple of quid sticker book) for the other girl is fine IMO.

It is fine to give the party you can afford too. Nothing wrong with a party at home and traditional games.

KitKat1985 · 03/09/2015 11:38

I think a token present is fine given that your DD barely knows this other girl.

TBH most presents I buy for parties are around the £5 mark anyway. £10 if it's a good friend. Or slightly more if it's for family.

JimmyGreavesMoustache · 03/09/2015 11:39

I think a token gift is fine in any circumstance. One of dd1's favourite presents last year was a nice pack of felt tips that was probably about £3.

I normally budget a tenner for party presents, but if it's a joint party I try to get both presents for £15 (multibuys often help).

Toastedteacakewithbutter · 03/09/2015 11:40

My dd had a joint party with a friend last year, she only got presents from the children that were friends with both, she didn't get a present from the girls that only knew the friend, and my dd's friend from out of school didn't buy for the other birthday girl. If it was me though, I would maybe buy a token gift for the other child, for £3/4 if my dd wanted to hand over two gifts.

eltsihT · 03/09/2015 11:40

I did a joint party with my son's best friends simply as their birthdays were 3 days apart. Some people have presents to both and some just to one depending on who they knew

CrohnicallyAspie · 03/09/2015 11:40

YANBU. I held a joint party for DD, children were invited and invitations signed from DD or from 'other girl'. Only one guest brought presents for both. If DD was invited to a joint party, I would split my usual budget (£5-£10 depending on how well I know the mum and child) between the 2.

By the way, I went to Toys R Us the other day, they have a Claire's accessories section which had a sale on. 5 sale items for £5. Some of the sale items were original price £14, sale price £5, but then were in the 5 for £5! I snapped some bits up for emergency birthday party presents, after all they look a lot more expensive than pound shop gifts but cost me the same. Might be worth checking out if you have one near you?

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