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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let DS (5) use public loos alone?

120 replies

MamaLazarou · 02/09/2015 17:15

In the shopping centre this afternoon and I decided to let DS go to the loo on his own, much to the horror of a bystander who told me 'you just never know who's in there'. It hadn't occurred to me to worry about predatory paedophiles hanging around in public loos. AIBU to let DS have this little bit of independence?

OP posts:

AnotherTimeMaybe · 03/09/2015 14:37

Giles i would definitely challenge a boy of 9 or 10 I'm a ladies toilet or changing room.
You won't find boys this age at ladies toilets without their mum! In which case you'd better challenge the mum!

runlulurun · 03/09/2015 15:58

So if this is a risk for teenagers too, where do you draw the line?

I am not worried about DS (age 5) getting locked in toilet or not washing his hands properly but won't let him use the men's on his own for the reasons many have stated that he is too vulnerable (not just to a sexual assault but various other unpleasant experiences.)

00100001 · 03/09/2015 16:31

goblinhat

Part of the point I was making, is it's FAR more likely that your child will be sexually abused by a "trusted individual" than some random person on the street.

FrenchJunebug · 03/09/2015 16:35

yanbu I would love for my DS to go on his own!

00100001 · 03/09/2015 16:47

treadsoftly because if a boy of 9 or 10 is old enough to go into the loo alone he should go into the mens. At what age would a boy stop going into the ladies? 12? 13? 18?

If a 25 year old man came into the ladies, you'd think it was inapprpriate, surely?

00100001 · 03/09/2015 16:59

madlizzy A 12 year old boy was sexually assaulted in the toilets of the shopping centre in Ashton under Lyne just last week. This is fact, not hysteria.

There were 23,000 sexual offences against children last year. That is 1 in 20 children. 90% of these were abused by someone they knew.

That means 0.1 children in 20 were abused by strangers. That is 0.05% of all sex abuse cases, that is a total of 11.5 children sexually abused by a stranger. And of those, I'm afraid I don't know how many were in a public toilet, sorry.

That is fact, not hysteria. Link here for facts and figures

What is hysteria is thinking there is a paedophile in every male toilet waiting for your child to enter. :(

Now, I'm not minimising anything here. I'm not saying there is no risk and indeed the figures above are not 100% accurate, but it does give you an idea of how incredibly unlikely it is that your child will be abused in a toilet.

The main source of sexual abuse comes from Trusted Adults - that is where you need to be vigilant.

00100001 · 03/09/2015 17:12

sorry,my maths is wrong.

90% of 23,000 is 20,700.
10% is 230 children (not 11.5) were abused by strangers.
but the point still stands!

00100001 · 03/09/2015 17:16

wait... no my maths was right!

just worded wrong.

230 children out of the approximately 11 million children in the UK were abused by strangers.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/09/2015 17:41

If a 9 or 10 yr old boy feels uncomfortable or at risk using a men's room in a public toilet then I would have no objection whatsoever to them using the ladies room or feel that they should have to justify themselves.

There is a big difference in footfall, average time spent in the loos and the cleanliness and general upkeep of public facilities.

addictedtosugar · 03/09/2015 17:43

Surely 10% of 23000 is 2300? That's a scary number.

And isn't 23000 in 11 million more like one in 500 kids sexually assaulted last year.
The one in 20 is over all the years. That's a very very scary number, and means at least one child in every primary class which started this week will be assaulted before they grow up ( or have already been assaulted )

manicinsomniac · 03/09/2015 17:55

I only have daughters but, in your position, no, I wouldn't. I think 5 is too young.

Not because of the risk of being sexually assaulted - a child of 5 is at no more risk of that than a child of 10 and no one's going to stop a 10 year old using the loo alone.

It's more that they might get stuck in the cubicle, not be able to reach the tap, forget to wash their hands, mess about, wet themselves and get distressed, leave by another exit (if there is one) and get confused ... and so on.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 03/09/2015 18:25

I wouldn't.
i know someone who was anally raped as a child in a public toilet. the child was 9 at the time.

Babyroobs · 03/09/2015 18:38

YABU. I certainly wouldn't have let any of my 3 ds's go into a public toilet alone at the age of 5. There was a case a few years ago where two young brothers got raped in a Mc Donald's toilet. It is not worth the risk. Also the child could get themselves locked in ( this happened to me on a daytrip to Blackpool when I ws a child and it was horrible!!).

00100001 · 03/09/2015 18:42

OK, my number are wrong. but the point is.

its the trusted adult you have to be more worried about - not the toilet lurker.

bunique · 03/09/2015 19:31

"More worried about" doesn't mean it's not worth taking steps to minimise the risk of the other.

addictedtosugar · 03/09/2015 19:49

Agree binary. I was very surprised by the most, so looked into it a bit further. You took the numbers straight from the link (and you'd quoted your source) which graphically was very good, but I think confusingly set out. Sorry, it wasn't supposed to be knocking back your summary.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 03/09/2015 20:24

Yes, the risk is very small. But if I can minimise the risk even further by not letting them go in on their own, I will.

00100001 · 03/09/2015 20:58

bunique Of course you can and should take steps to minimise risk.

But is a child any more at risk in a public toilet form a sexual attack than an adult? Do we know the figures?

Should none of use ever use public toilets alone?

AnotherTimeMaybe · 04/09/2015 03:24

An adult can protect themselves much more than a child
An adult can make the choice for themselves where children rely on us to protect them
The fact that the adult is in danger doesn't make the risk of a child being assaulted and less significant
So why are we comparing adults with children?

JoandMax · 04/09/2015 03:43

I wouldn't send my 5 year old in alone, he'd mess about too much!

I have started to send my 2 DCs in together, elder one is 7. But only in smaller places likes cafes, play areas etc. in shopping centers I still make them come in with me.

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