To let DS (5) use public loos alone?

[MamaLazarou]

In the shopping centre this afternoon and I decided to let DS go to the loo on his own, much to the horror of a bystander who told me 'you just never know who's in there'. It hadn't occurred to me to worry about predatory paedophiles hanging around in public loos. AIBU to let DS have this little bit of independence?

[ShelaghTurner]

I let my 7.5yo dd use public loos on her own and sometimes her 3yo sister goes with her if I'm right outside the door. I hadn't heard about any of these cases. Now rethinking.

[noiwontstoptalking]

Maddyina if you are referring to me I said that my son is seven but he looks 10 yo.

He may indeed be a 'big boy' but helpful people like yourself trying to shame him really don't make my life easier.

And my DC are entirely capable of washing their own hands.

[Moregravyplease]

Having known people who have suffered with MH issues all their lives due to abuse suffered when they were DC I never let my DS go in to loos when he was very small. Most of them were abused by people known to them but not all of them.

[DancingDinosaur]

I let my 7 and 5 year old go in the ladies and I wait by the outside door. 5 yr old ds would prefer to go in the mens, but then if he needs help it makes it a bit awkward to go in there.

[AnotherTimeMaybe]

No bloody way!
Only recently there was a sexual assault on a famous supermarket (not sure I'm allowed to say) to a little boy at the loo

Same in a restaurant and shopping centre last year and these are the only cases we know recently!

What's really weird though a man came at the loo of a shopping centre few years ago (before DCs), and asked his 3 yo dd to use the toolet! Because she was scared, he asked me to go in the cubicle to help her and I did (silly of me back then wouldn't do it now possibly).., so wrong to blindly put their faith on people because they are women!!

[AnotherTimeMaybe]

There was a 14 yr old boy raped in shopping mall gents a few years back? Do we still bring teenagers into the ladies then?
No but this is a classic example that shows you that there is this sort of activity in the toilet and you wouldn't want your 4yo to even witness it let alone experience it

[Idefix]

My dc are now much older but can say till my ds was still going to the ladies until he was in yr 6 and I couldn't give a monkeys about any looks that occurred.
Sadly these awful stories of assault happen on a regular basis and but often tend to found on local news in the main. Many never get reported.
My gut feeling is that the reason these stories are about older children is because many parents of younger children do not send them in alone. Also as the the sad story about the brothers in the Macdonalds shows younger children may not always say what has happened to them.
Op I wouldn't beat yourself up about this, but I would reconsider how toileting is done when out and about.

[Unhappyuser]

Add message | Report | Message poster crumblybiscuits Wed 02-Sep-15 22:53:48
Unhappy, why don't you just Google sexual assault public toilets and see all the articles that come up including one in March in London about a six year old boy and a complete stranger. But no, obviously no one gets abused by a stranger hmm

Very few people, better not let dads, uncles, brothers or teachers ever take them to the loo. Many many many times more likely to assault them, but you keep thinking your nonsense and protecting your children from the wrong people. I feel sorry for the children

[crumblybiscuits]

Don't be sorry for my children, they will be fine. I am aware of the statistics, thank you very much, and I protect my children in any way I can. Completely baffled why other people don't want to because 'it's not that likely.'

[FishWithABicycle]

My 6yo is allowed into the gents alone if we are somewhere not-too-dodgy like a naice cafe. I wouldn't usually let him go in to the gents alone in a big shopping mall though. I explain to him that it's because sometimes bullies hang around in loos looking out for someone to bully so I want to be reasonably sure there isn't anyone mean in there.

[HaydeeofMonteCristo]

My dd is 6 nearly 7. I am never sure whether she should be going in gents with her dad when they are out together and not with me.

She is very talltall so looks over 8.

But do mn think that 6 is too young to go in the ladies alone?

[00100001]

sure assault happens in loos - but realistically, of all the millions of public loo visits every day, how many end in assault? Surely we all know that sexual assault is FAR more likely from within the family/trusted adults??

Sure, at 5, I wouldn't send them in alone, personally, (but just for the fact that they won't lock doors or whatever) but you cant spend your life worrying about the "paedophile round the corner" otherwise you'd never let kids out of your sight in public... ever.

[goblinhat]

otherwise you'd never let kids out of your sight in public... ever.

I wouldn't let my 5 year old out of my care though unless it's to the care of some trusted individual.

[SouthernShepherdess]

My dear Unhappy, I suggest you keep your mouth zipped over something you know nothing about. I experienced it, you didn't. You can only conjure up the scenario in your head as you wasn't there at the time. It might seem far-fetched to you. That's fair enough. The guy was stalking us, and he was blantantly staring at us and he was close enough to over hear that we were heading to the toilets. Stop implying complete strangers who you don't know from Adam are talking crap. If anyone is talking it, it's you.

[SouthernShepherdess]

"and he didn't even do anything except use the ladies loo"

Erm, I would say that was something then, surely?! A rather tall, heavily built male member of staff in the cubicle of the ladies loo?!! This wasn't a unisex loo, this was the ladies loo, so he had no business being in there unless he was living as a woman or a male cleaner. And you say I'm the one talking rubbish?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I don't let my 9 yr old use public loos alone.

not because of safety but because you never know what state a public loo is in. I'm not sure at 5 a child could react quick enough or make the connection between puddles on the floor possibly being wee or just water. or to fully check the toilet seat is clean or check the lock is easy to undo before sliding it across

sometimes sinks are too high or taps stiff or soap dispensers in a position the kids can't reach properly..

I don't bat an eye lid at small boys in the ladies toilet. i fully understand why they may be there.

I realise it's harder for mums of boys though. they can't go into the men's with them and they are likely conscious of their child's age and questioning when the point is that they should use the men's

[MaddyinaPaddy]

Giles i would definitely challenge a boy of 9 or 10 I'm a ladies toilet or changing room.

[runlulurun]

My nearly 5 year old uses the ladies on his own. That way if there is a problem then I can go in and help. It started because with DD (1) in the pushchair I can't always get in there with him anyway.

[Mabelface]

A 12 year old boy was sexually assaulted in the toilets of the shopping centre in Ashton under Lyne just last week. This is fact, not hysteria.

[Gruntfuttock]

I wonder if the OP is coming back.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

maddy

which is why I said It must he harder for mums of boys. as people will see ot as inappropriate for bits as old as my dd yo be in the ladies.

I can imagine it to he worrying for some though.

Some toilets are clean and well maintained so if your in a familiar area and use the toilets regularly it's not a problem.

If however you don't know the area I cab also imagine the dilemma.

I've worked in customer facing jobs fir many years. I've seen everything from needles and broken bottles, to shit on floor and up walls in various toilets on the premises.

so yes I am relieved that even though she's older I can still go in and have a quick peak first to make sure said toilets are in a fit state.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

i would definitely challenge a boy of 9 or 10 I'm a ladies toilet or changing room.

But why? Everyone has their own cubicle? Irritating if there's a long queue I admit but on what grounds?

My 5 yr old DD locked herself into a cubicle recently and was hysterical within seconds. Largish gap under the door so rather than calm down and let me sort it out, she got down on her stomach and shimmied out across the dirty floor. So A) she was filthy and upset and B) I then had to find a supervisor to explain that they needed to find a way to unlock the door from the outside.

So on those grounds alone I wouldn't at 5. Life's too short.

As for people dismissing assault as a common risk put "child assaulted in toilet" into google and you'll get a long list of reports from this year alone, from small children up to teens.

[RufusTheReindeer]

I wouldnt let my 5 year old go to the gents by himself, he even managed to get lost when he was about 6/7 and his nearly 5 years older brother was in there with him!!

And its purely down to the risk of assault

They started going in by themselves at about 8