To let DS (5) use public loos alone?

[MamaLazarou]

In the shopping centre this afternoon and I decided to let DS go to the loo on his own, much to the horror of a bystander who told me 'you just never know who's in there'. It hadn't occurred to me to worry about predatory paedophiles hanging around in public loos. AIBU to let DS have this little bit of independence?

Too young for me. At our local shopping centre, I'm not sure either of my children at that age would have been able to figure out how to lock the door, how to flush (one of those wave your hand in front jobs) and they definitely wouldn't have been able to reach the sink. They also definitely couldn't read the notice warning them that the water can be very hot!

Why would you not go with him at that age?

My ds is 7. He has started to want to go in the gents by himself - not a chance. I tell him that he can't because if he got into difficulty, I'm not allowed to come in and help him.

I think what makes it uncomfortable for me is the urinal. I just don't like the idea of adult men peeing in front of my 7 year old. This doesn't happen in the ladies because of the cubicles.

My biggest difficulty is that often there is a queue in the ladies and dd and I might be 10mins and my DS is left on his own to wait for us.

A (childless) colleague of mine was appalled that I took my then 6yo DS into the ladies. She's recently had a wee boy - I wonder if she'll feel the same way in a few years?

brokenhearted55aa - what a scary story! I'm so glad nothing bad happened to you.

Finiola what's wrong with adult men peeing? It's perfectly normal!

If my DH is with us he'll take DS into the men's - they are still using the urinal.

A psychiatrist who worked with sex offenders for a long time once mentioned that public toilets are most commonly where many said they opportunistically (?) assaulted children. So nope, not for me.

Yeah, I think YABU here. Paedophiles aside (and that's a non-zero risk, even if not exactly "likely"), I'd be worried about him getting hurt or stuck and you not able to help him. Why not compromise and let him use the disabled loo alone?

If it was your DD would you let her go in alone or would you go in with her? You'd probably automatically go. It's no different for a boy.

No, 5 is too young.

My two boys are 6 and 4. Depending on the location, I will let them go together if I don't need a wee, and wait outside.
If I need to wee as well, they both come with me.

Nope not after the time my totally non risk aware came out the loo after bloody ages and told me about the funny man they'd been chatting to who'd made them laugh.
All the safety talks out the window

This is a seriously depressing thread I truly thought the awful one I knew about was a freaky one off. I will be telling dh to be more careful

Never. In that situation. Mind you Im nervous going in by myself if its quiet and get dh to stand outside to check i get out ok. My friend was attacked in a toilet whilst at school by a boy. Luckily she fought him off and reported it to the teachers but made us all wary how unsafe it is. Softplay if i was outside the door i might like dnephew go in alone. However i could trust him to wash his hands.

Not a chance. Why not take him into the ladies?

I would go in with them too.

I also have no qualms about going into mens loos!

To explain, I've heard too many stories from males I know about bad experiences (flashing, inappropriate 'watching', comments made etc) in gents loos as kids. Not a place for a 5yo.

Another would be if a 5yo could adequately check the seat was clean enough / not touch it / generally avoid anything unpleasant.

I definitely wouldnt, also it probably didnt make national news but a 10 yr old got sexually assaulted in the loo of our local supermarket. Two years back. He had form.

noiwontstoptalking

Absolutely nothing wrong with men urinating. It is perfectly natural. But that does not mean that I want my 7 year old ds walking into a toilet block and seeing men, who are complete strangers, peeing into urinals. To me it is uncomfortable. It may make some men uncomfortable too, i don't know. I have no issue with urinals in boys toilets in schools. I am more comfortable with what I know (e.g ladies loos where women go into cubicles and there is no urinating in front of each other - or at least shouldn't be )

And for the record, we are quite relaxed as a family wrt not locking bathroom doors etc.

I'm a while away from this problem yet, but my DS is now going to be at least 35 before I knowingly let him use a public loo on his own

On a practical note, our big local shopping centre has special baby changing area with big individual toilet cubicles designed, presumably, so you can use them with a pram. You probably wouldn't think of them if you only have a 5 yo but it'd be ideal for mums or dads who feel self conscious taking DC to disabled loo.

'Family bathrooms' are becoming more common- the ASDA stores I go to all have them, and the shopping centres (Westfield/Intu owned), but sometimes they do need looking for as they're not always with the other toilets!

Yeah theyre along at the baby changing/feeding areas.

Finola I suppose we are all different. My concern about DS using the gents isn't about urinals. I was quite happy with my DH taking my DD into the gents when she was little.

She's quite happily go in now but DH feels that as she looks older than 7 yo some of the other men might feel uncomfortable so he waits outside the ladies for her now.

primary school local to me, school trip, 2 Y6 boys sent into the gents together while the teacher waited outside for them, and they were subjected to lewd suggestions by a pervert in there, doing things to himself at the urinal. Opportunistic - no adults in there at the time. They told the teacher and it was reported. CCTV showed the man in question to be a known sex offender.

5 yrs old is way too young. Public loos are often rank anyway, with dodgy locks, slippery floors, poo smeared on the walls etc. I'd want to fully supervise both girls and boys till at least the age of 8!