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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why teachers are so sure school is better than home Ed for all children?

213 replies

IceBeing · 01/09/2015 22:34

An acquaintance is thinking of removing her 5 yo from school as he has started self-harming due to anxiety about going.

The school seem to be all over themselves to tell the parent that there is no way home ed would be preferable to carrying on in school.

What makes schools so very certain on this point and what would it take for a school to admit a child might be better off being taught at home for a spell or even entirely?

OP posts:
Celerysoup3 · 01/09/2015 23:19

I know three children that have been homeschooled because their school/teacher consistently failed in their duty of care. The kids are thriving now with home ed.

OwlinaTree · 01/09/2015 23:20

Well it's not one size fits all is it? Many children benefit from home schooling and have parents able and willing to facilitate this. For the vast majority of children school is the choice and for many children the best opportunity they are likely to get to achieve.

Fairenuff · 01/09/2015 23:21

Littlejohnny I didn't say that home schooling was a safe guarding issue, just this particular child who is self harming. None of us, OP incuded, know the reasons why and he may be isolated if he is at risk. I'm not saying this is happening, just that it might be one of the reasons why his school are resisting the idea.

I also did not say that teachers would be the ones to offer support but that he can be monitored in school and school staff will be able to get the necessary agencies involved to help him. That might not happen at home unless the parents ask for it. If there is a difficult home life, unbeknown to OP, the child could 'slip through the net' as it were.

I am pointing out to OP that this may be one of the reasons why school are reluctant, in this particular case, to support home ed.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/09/2015 23:24

Agree, owl.

If home education is right for a child, just do it.

Extrapolating that to HE = good, school = bad is just lazy thinking.

zzzzz · 01/09/2015 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrionsAccessory · 01/09/2015 23:25

Grin today's learning objective, for me, would have been how to avoid two children having a massive hour long argument about trains! Sadly I did not meet that objective today Sad perhaps announcing it at breakfast would have helped!

Original poster
IceBeing · 01/09/2015 23:29

zzzzz I am glad to hear reintegration went well!

I am surprised by the number of home ed parents that have actually been teachers....

I guess they don't qualify as teachers who devoted their lives to it though...some are disillusioned with the current government approach and others had their hands forced by circumstance.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 01/09/2015 23:30

I personally would remove a child who was self harming from anxiety surrounding school without the slightest compunction. I would also suggest that not to would be neglect.

That would probably be the right course of action if you could be certain it was school that was the cause of the anxiety.

Original poster
IceBeing · 01/09/2015 23:32

I was writing actual learning objectives today...but for a second year undergrad lab experiment....although not so different really...a lot of focussed around extending skills without causing panic or arguments...

not sure who thought physics undergrads would play particularly well in groups of 4....

and arguments about trains are certainly not impossible.

I would settle for absolutely no further appearances of scantily clad Miley Cyrus in presentations to be honest....it is so very hard to explain why naked women are a problem in male dominated classes...when apparently they are fine for general media consumption....

OP posts:
zzzzz · 01/09/2015 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IceBeing · 01/09/2015 23:35

I do accept that maybe that is the concern of the school...and I guess that would be a difficult message for them to give directly to the parent without risking a break down in the relationship.

It might be possible to at least indicate this possibility for their level of concern...at least so the parent can see where they are coming from...but the risk of making things worse is high! So I doubt I would meddle at this point.

OP posts:
whisperingeye1 · 01/09/2015 23:35

You seem to have a low opinion of teachers. Each child is an individual and if your acquaintance feels that HE is her best option due to her child's needs then that is what she should do. There is no need to bash the education system that is working perfectly well for others.

Rainuntilseptember15 · 01/09/2015 23:35

I would hate to be a parent in that situation as I need to work - no work no money, so how could I home educate? It isn't necessarily neglectful to not be able to stay with your child 5 days a week.

Original poster
IceBeing · 01/09/2015 23:35

argh I must get to bed. Never start a thread after dinner time...its like coffee that way!

OP posts:
QueenStarlight · 01/09/2015 23:37

To answer OP, I don't think they are. Round my way about a 3rd of HEers ARE teachers.

claraschu · 01/09/2015 23:38

zzzzzz I was just going to say that!

Original poster
IceBeing · 01/09/2015 23:40

whisper I absolutely do not have a low opinion of teachers. I do have a relatively low opinion of the system as I see a lot of the fall out from it teaching undergraduates.

I see their total reliance on memorizing, I see the absolute tsunami of mental health problems we are experiencing....and I see an education system totally geared to regular high pressure assessment. I don't see much learning for the joy of learning...

Having to teach to the test over and over seems detrimental to learning and to mental health. I don't blame teachers in the slightest for this situation...I blame the government.

And now they are trying to do the same to higher ed too...introducing metrics...which will generate teaching at higher ed that improves metrics not learning...just as it has everywhere else it has been introduced.

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 01/09/2015 23:41

We always planned to home school our dc. We both enjoyed school but we would prefer our kids were educated a different way. I think some children thrive in a home ed environment and others need the school structure, if out dc were not happy learning at home and wanted to try school we would be open to that, I think flexibility is key.

My three younger siblings go to a Waldorf school abroad, my brothers are getting on great, but my sister is really struggling, she is 11 years old and cant read, it makes me so sad to see her unhappy.

Original poster
IceBeing · 01/09/2015 23:42

rain of course not! Schools can and should be able to provide safe education. Although I think a lot of people who previously didn't think they would be able to leave their jobs actually found a way when they felt they had no choice....you can't know how you would respond till it happens to you in your individual circumstances.

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 01/09/2015 23:45

iceberg I agree with everything you said about the system.

Original poster
IceBeing · 01/09/2015 23:45

If I could put my finger on the thing I think is the absolute worst about school it is the almost cast iron insistence that kids progress with their age group. In reality kids progress at all sorts of different paces at different times....it doesn't really make sense to move kids up a year if they haven't gotten the hang of the previous years material.

Why would you move someone that can't read or write out of infants and into juniors...where it will be assumed that they can...and they will fall even further behind?

Why not stay on for an extra year at 6 years old so that you can progress normally from then onwards? Why spend the next 10 years in classes you can't follow and then get told you can't progress till you get a GCSE in english and maths?

A stitch in time and all....

OP posts:
IguanaTail · 01/09/2015 23:46

Mmmmmmm I recognise that posting style with all the thoughtful dots... Who was it again....?

....

SuburbanRhonda · 01/09/2015 23:47

parents are often very well placed to observe what is causing the anxiety Rhonda

Yes they are, but we all get things wrong sometimes. And other times we can project our own anxieties into our children. The OP hasn't answered my question about whether her friend has considered any other course of action than removing her child from school so we don't know whether it's been established beyond doubt that school is the trigger.

IguanaTail · 01/09/2015 23:48

Kids are moved up classes primarily because it's too expensive to keep them at the level they are at, but also because it's dispiriting being one of the ones left behind.

IguanaTail · 01/09/2015 23:49

Home education can trigger safeguarding issues. Some parents are abusive and would prefer their kids not to have daily contact with interested adults who could spot the bruises. Those people, horrifying thought it may seem, are out there.

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