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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that if you give wedding presents a thank you would be nice

73 replies

cuteboots · 01/09/2015 12:46

Or am I being a bit precious about this? Do people not send thank you cards anymore . Shall I just walk away quietly ?

OP posts:

Pootles2010 · 01/09/2015 12:47

When was the wedding? Might be just not had chance to send yet.

But yes, thankyou card definitely required!

RainbowFlutterby · 01/09/2015 12:49

I think times are changing to be honest.

Yes it would be nice to receive a thank you card if you're in to that kind of thing, but most people these days don't think of things like that.

Whether that is right or not I don't know, personally I'm not a fan of thank you cards, but I think it's something people are going to have to accept.

HoggleHoggle · 01/09/2015 12:50

I would hope for a thank you card when I've sent someone a wedding gift. But it can take a while - I just got one from a wedding in late June. Nothing wrong with that, it was lovely to get it.

noiwontstoptalking · 01/09/2015 12:51

Proper etiquette gives you
3 months for a wedding gift - when was the wedding?

Original poster

cuteboots · 01/09/2015 12:51

Ok i think the reason Im getting a bit funny about this is my mum who isnt the richest person in the world gave them £100. They got married a month ago and so far radio silence. To me its just a bit rude

OP posts:

PosterEh · 01/09/2015 12:53

Im not usually a stickler for thank yous but I think they serve a second purpose with money in wedding cards in letting you know that they actually received it.

Mamarolls · 01/09/2015 12:53

I completely agree with you!

It's plain rude and ungracious not to send a small note of thanks in my opinion.

What is a few seconds to write a thank you card compared to the time and expense the gift giver has gone to to come up with a thoughtful gift - especially for weddings and new babies! Grrr...

Pootles2010 · 01/09/2015 12:55

Yeah a month is a bit early yet. They've quite possibly got 100-odd to do, and assume they've been on honeymoon too.

Maybe they're waiting for a nice photo from photographer to go on front or whatever.

noiwontstoptalking · 01/09/2015 12:55

cute They might not have got through them all if it's only a month.

NerrSnerr · 01/09/2015 12:56

Have they had a honeymoon in that month? They may not have had chance yet.

Shukran008 · 01/09/2015 12:56

There's been loads of threads on this. Can take up to 6 months as they will probably do personalised photo cards or was that just me

LIZS · 01/09/2015 12:57

Agree. We once used a friend's wedding list service (H of F) and never did get any acknowledgement. Maybe they never got it?

AuntieStella · 01/09/2015 12:57

I would hope for thanks for every present.

It's all part of the normal exchange.

It doesn't have to be a card, though. An ordinary letter is a better option (by email to those who you know prefer to receive that way).

It's also needed if you sent something, or handed it over anywhere else than in the recipient's home. In case the shop sent the wrong thing, or it got left behind. A letter which is clear what it is thanking the sender for means that neither of those has happened

It shouldn't be onerous, if two things have happened:
a) training from childhood so that thank you letters can be written effortlessly,
b) you are lucky in having guests who send presents to you in anticipation of the nuptials (rather than bringing it all to the party) because then you can write the letter when the gift is received and that spreads it out a bit.

And it is lovely to get something other than junk/admin stuff landing on the mat.

(Hopes that OP sent thanks to the formal hosts of the wedding reception in good time!)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/09/2015 12:58

It took me over 2 months to send out my thank you notes. Partly because I had a lot to deal with - Mum died shortly after my wedding, I was pg and stressed and so on - and partly because I'm really bad at doing admin-y type things like thank you notes.

But I still sent them - I think it's something that should always be done, it's so rude not to.

MrsPCR · 01/09/2015 12:58

When we got married, we were very fortunate and had about 60 thank ou cards to write, which I started on as soon as we got back from honeymoon, so already nearly 3 weeks had passed. I think it might have taken another month to do them all, as couldn't post any until they were all done. If it was only a month ago, I think you need to give them a chance, particularly if they've been on honeymoon.

corgiology · 01/09/2015 12:58

I don't really care if I get a thank you card.

A thank you when handing over the gift is enough for me.

RainbowFlutterby · 01/09/2015 12:59

Mamarolls - it does not take a few seconds to write 50 (a guess for a wedding) thank you cards, bearing in mind that people who expect thank you cards invariably expect a reference to the actual gift, and a comment relevant to them and their lives.

(Bitter experience)

VulcanWoman · 01/09/2015 13:00

If you get a thank you it's a bonus but shouldn't be expected.
Gifts or any kind of generosity should, if done, be done without expecting anything in return or not done in the first place.
I find this ideal hard sometimes but I'm working on it.

Brekekekex · 01/09/2015 13:01

YANBU to expect one but I think a month is too soon to be getting antsy. When we got married we were on honeymoon for 2 weeks, then when we got back we ordered cards with one of the wedding pictures on the front, which took another week or so to arrive. Then we wrote over 100 cards, each personalised to the recipient, which definitely took more than a week, even without considering allowing for time to get to the post office and a few more days for 2nd class delivery!

Apathyisthenewblah · 01/09/2015 13:02

It is not unreasonable to expect a thank you.
I have about 50 cards to write and aim to have them all posted by 2 months after our wedding.
While we are very grateful to all our guests it has taken a fair while to get cards printed and write personal messages of a decent length.

To be fair I wouldn't mind if I didn't receive one but I quite like sending them!

specialsubject · 01/09/2015 13:02

a thank you is basic good manners. Assume they've been on a two week holiday, give them another month to send thank you cards.

it's a wedding, a special event over which they no doubt made a massive fuss. They can get off their arses and send their thank yous.

if nothing turns up give no further gifts ever.

abbieanders · 01/09/2015 13:03

A month is no time after the wedding. I must say though, you're refreshingly prompt with your complaint, OP.

LaurieMarlow · 01/09/2015 13:06

I'm pretty sure etiquette gives them at least a 3 month window (if not 6? Can't remember) so YABU.

If they want to send a photo and a personalised note it's going to take them time - you need to give them more than a month frankly.

Oysterbabe · 01/09/2015 13:09

It took us almost 3 months to send ours. Honeymoon then waiting for the wedding photos from the photographer then choosing a picture then waiting for the printers to print them all then writing out the cards ensuring that they were personal and not generic then addressing all the envelopes and finding the time to take them all to the post office. Give the poor bastards chance!!

Original poster

cuteboots · 01/09/2015 13:11

Im probably being a bit overprotective of my mum as £100 is alot of money for her to part with. I will hoist up my judgey pants and go back to work now then ..

OP posts:

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