Page 3 | to think that if you give wedding presents a thank you would be nice

cuteboots · 2015-09-01T11:46:32+00:00

Or am I being a bit precious about this? Do people not send thank you cards anymore . Shall I just walk away quietly ?

CuthbertDibble · 01/09/2015 17:52

Did they definitely receive the cash? I've known of a few weddings where cards (and the money/vouchers inside them) went missing. The guests just think the bride and groom are rude to not thank them, the bride and groom are a bit miffed that the guest didn't even bother to get them a card.

Itsbloodyraining · 01/09/2015 18:01

I am so sick of my rude friends! So many weddings and no acknowledgement. My issue is that normally you hand a present over face to face and receive a thank you there and then, in that case I wouldn't mind not receiving a card. These days you leave your presents on a table or post your cash in those awful post box things, so gifts aren't acknowledged at all. Rude ungrateful motherfuckers. They've got time for all the pre wedding bullshit.

Ragwort · 01/09/2015 18:20

They've got time for all the pre wedding bullshit - absolutely agree with this, people spend months, if not years planning the 'wedding of their dreams' and often hen/stag dos as well, spend hours choosing a dress, hair style etc etc yet can't be bothered to spend a few evening sending thank you notes - emails/texts where appropriate.

And most couples are already living together when they get married so they are hardly busy 'setting up home' - I think many people are just plain rude. They moan enough if people don't RSVP to the invite, or query if babies/children are included but haven't got the common courtesy to send a thank you note. Unless there is a death/birth immediately after the wedding what are you all so busy doing? And complaining on mumsnet that you are too busy to send thank you notes ??? . The worse one I ever received was for a cash gift but very clearly written by the bride's mother.

Don't get me started on children that don't send thank you's for birthday/Christmas gifts.

The same with baby gifts - we had over 50 gifts when DS was born, and he had serious medical complications but I made sure everyone received a thank you note within a week or so.

Ragwort · 01/09/2015 18:21

ssd - I don't think a text is really appropriate at all for a wedding thank you - better than nothing I suppose but I acknowledge I am very old fashioned - yes, I was born in the 50s .

ssd · 01/09/2015 18:43

it did feel bloody rude, we are on low wages and spent a lot getting to the wedding/buying outfits/hotels etc etc, as well as gave a cash gift....we got a text saying " thanks for the money"

was like, why did we even bother....

PegsPigs · 01/09/2015 18:47

I went on honeymoon for 3 weeks then ordered special cards with wedding pictures on so YABU to be antsy after a month.

Battleshiphips2 · 01/09/2015 18:58

My mum and dad gave my niece £250 and got a thanks added to the end of their (mum and dads) anniversary card a year later! I always send thank you cards for any gifts received.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 01/09/2015 19:00

Perhaps these couples haven't factored in getting presents therefore thoughts of sending out Thank you cards will be furthest from their minds and also something else they'll have to sort out after the wedding.

ssd I'd be happy with a text.

xavierfondue · 01/09/2015 19:02

I heartily agree with you, OP. My brother had a VERY expensive wedding list and then sent out one communal email saying

"Thank you for your presents."

That was the only ever thank you (if you can call it that) letter he's ever written. Forget birthdays and Christmas - although he's very quick to send out the present lists again each year. Twat.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 01/09/2015 19:05

A month after the wedding, totally unreasonable to expect one so soon. As others said, a couple may have an extra long honeymoon, followed by sorting out to whom they need to send a card, if they are adding a personal message that's more time, wanting to choose 'wedding picture' cards - that means sifting through the choices. I think a couple of months wait is more than OK (I think thank you cards are a waste of trees myself, a personal 'thank you' is far more appreciated). Really don't get people who give gifts, then practically sit by the letterbox after, awaiting a 'thank you' on a bit of paper.

Sossidge · 01/09/2015 19:19

Id wait a bit longer than a month, but I was born in the 80s and fucking expect a thank you card in instances where I've given presents to people to celebrate their life choices. Formal invitations require formal thank yous. For a couple who have spent thousands of pounds on one day and months planning it, the least they can do is buy a box of 80cards for a fiver, write on them for the guests who spent their own money and time on attending as well as a gift and post them, or leave some with parents to pass on, etc.

Anyone who hasn't bothered sending thank you cards to me simply doesn't get any more presents, and I'd silently think less of them. (Deaths or crisis after the time of gift receiving are obviously more important and I wouldn't expect one at all then)

Ragwort · 01/09/2015 19:24

Why is unreasonable to expect a thank you within a month? That gives most couples plenty of time to write their thank yous ....... people seem to be making a complete drama about writing a thank you card - and buying a few stamps - yes, it takes time but that should be factored into all the wedding plans.

Perhaps these couples haven't factored in getting presents - really??? I wonder just how many of those couples had formal gift lists or even wrote the dreaded phrase 'a contribution towards our honeymoon would be appreciated' .

My parents also recently attended a wedding, beforehand they were showered with 'save the date cards', formal invitation, lots of 'paperwork with instructions about the meal, directions, parking etc etc ......... but have they received a thank you? (They also gave £100) - No.

GobShites · 01/09/2015 19:27

I got married 4 years ago.

Last week I found a box that hadn't been unpacked since we moved into our new house after the wedding, it contained all my musty handwritten thank you cards I was mortified!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 01/09/2015 19:28

Really don't get people who give gifts, then practically sit by the letterbox after, awaiting a 'thank you' on a bit of paper.

No, me neither.

Anyone who hasn't bothered sending thank you cards to me simply doesn't get any more presents, and I'd silently think less of them.

Jesus! Really? Bit dramatic

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 01/09/2015 19:30

Perhaps these couples haven't factored in getting presents - really??? I wonder just how many of those couples had formal gift lists or even wrote the dreaded phrase 'a contribution towards our honeymoon would be appreciated' grin.

Oh don't get me started on gift lists please!

Sossidge · 01/09/2015 19:39

How is it dramatic? I don't mean Christmas presents to family (though my mum still pesters me to write them to people for this), I mean when you give a gift to someone who has managed to send you invitations loaded with bits of paper, but doesn't bother to formally thank you. Weddings are the only occasion really when you don't get any acknowledgement of your gift, or even know if they got it at all, because it's set on a table. Thank you cards are a basic courtesy, couples have guests' addresses already, it takes two minutes per card.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 01/09/2015 19:54

Who gets married to get presents? I didn't. They were the last thing I thought of.

We got married and invited people to celebrate our day with us. We didn't ask for presents just for their company. We got some (presents) and I thanked the people that brought on the day. The thought that they would think a little less of me for not sending them a Thank you card for something we didn't ask for in first place is well, I don't know really

hibbleddible · 01/09/2015 22:20

A month isn't long at all.

Wait before getting judgemental.

bessarabiantiger · 02/09/2015 01:32

gobshites yes. Sooooo much this!

If we're being ver ver picky (are we? I'm an insomniac & don't really care) then we consult Debretts. For those of you who don't have a spare copy then let me shate mine.

The Bride has up to one year to issue her
Thankyou cards. One. Year.

I just fekkin scraped that after finding a load I'd put in a drawer & forgotten

If we're rocking the etiquette route, one must also assume that a handwritten thankyou has been sent to the host of the wedding.

bessarabiantiger · 02/09/2015 01:35

Shate? Yes. Let me shate...

to think that if you give wedding presents a thank you would be nice

Apathyisthenewblah · 02/09/2015 15:22

ragwort I should have factored in time for my husband to be hospitalised just after our wedding should I? Silly me when I was wedding planning.

My godmother is very judgy about thank you cards, in fact judgy about people in general. I (silently) think less of her for it Sossidge.

Ragwort · 02/09/2015 18:37

Apathy - I did mention earlier in the thread that obviously certain situations obviously justified delaying sending thank you letters & sorry that your DH was hospitalised - but for most people sending thank you letters should be a priority. I also made the point that my DS was born with serious medical complications but I still managed to send all the thank you letters for the gifts sent when he was born and then a second lot of gifts and flowers when he went into hospital.

I stand by my comment that people spend ages and ages planning a wedding - why can't they spend a fraction of that time sending thank you letters?

WombatStewForTea · 02/09/2015 19:45

My mum got married a month ago. Heard nothing off her until I text her this week to check she actually received it as I'd given it her wedding planner on the day. Then I got a half arsed thanks. I wasn't expecting a full blown thank you card but surely a text from a close family member isn't too much to ask for?! I'd even spoken to her on the phone with no mention.
she's been somewhat self absorbed since her own wedding forgetting birthdays and leaving people's weddings early to run off into her love nest so maybe that's why