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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this even normal behaviour? Warning - toilet.

80 replies

lavendarhillslob · 31/08/2015 18:41

My DH has just admitted that he wipes his bottom standing up.

I've never heard anything like it.

Is this even beyond weird????

OP posts:
Duggee · 31/08/2015 20:26

ItsAllGoingToBeFine- so how do you keep your butt cheeks apart?

FithColumnist · 31/08/2015 20:30

As a stander, and willing to overshare discuss in the name of science, it's not like standing bolt upright, but like a forward leaning crouch. Buttocks still spread and leaving the hole to wipe.

I just asked DH, and apprently he sits to wipe. I now feel like 13 years of marriage has been a lie.

ItsAllGoodMan · 31/08/2015 20:32

I didn't know people did this until I saw my opposite neighbour doing it through his bathroom window (frosted window doesn't provide complete privacy if you're reading, neighbours!)

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 31/08/2015 20:58

ItsAllGoingToBeFine- so how do you keep your butt cheeks apart?

With a wide legged leaning forward squat your cheeks are parted at least as much as when one is sitting on the toilet.

OliviaBenson · 31/08/2015 21:05

I can confirm that both DH and I are standing to wipe. No room otherwise. And to those who wonder how, you just make sure you lean forward a bit and really get in there to clean. I had no idea people sat to do it before this thread!

Youarentkiddingme · 31/08/2015 21:10

I don't think people mean stand as in standing upright Grin

I've seen children kind of stand but actually be touching/ leaning on one hand on the floor. I guess that's what people mean by standing?

girlandboy · 31/08/2015 21:11

But those who stand to wipe, do you tackle the wee side of things before the rear end? Or wouldn't you risk the chance of drippage?

Doublebubblebubble · 31/08/2015 21:16

I kind of half squat... didn't know that there was any other way of doing it.

bluesbaby · 31/08/2015 21:25

I sit, and reach around (shift weight onto just one buttock iyswim).

But, I've wandered in during DH cleaning himself, and it seems he stands, then puts one foot onto the seat, then reaches round with opposite hand to the leg that is raised, wipes and checks, then tosses the used paper in the toilet. If you really wanted to know all the steps. It looks like a bit like a clown show in action, all arms and legs everywhere. I was horrified the first time I stumbled across it. He has a bad habit of leaving the door open.

wasonthelist · 31/08/2015 21:36

It's not a butt or buttcheeks unless you are American. We have bums and arses.

MrsTedCrilly · 31/08/2015 22:00

I'm a sitter, my cheeks go together when I stand and I can't clean properly! Sitting keeps it nice and open.. BlushGrin

MaidOfStars · 31/08/2015 22:37

With a wide legged leaning forward squat your cheeks are parted at least as much as when one is sitting on the toilet

Not if you wiggle the flesh such that you are stretched apart between the two sides of the loo seat to the point of tearing your crack

miaowroar · 31/08/2015 22:44

When my DC's were toddlers and being toilet trained I would wipe their little bums while they were still sitting

Ooer - I made mine touch their toes so I could see what I was doing. I suppose that's scarred them for life. Blush

Discopanda · 31/08/2015 22:46

I had to stand up to wipe in my third trimesters with both my DDs...

Original poster
lavendarhillslob · 01/09/2015 00:22

Well ,thank you for your input. I am actually crying with laughter.

I wonder how DADSEC wipes his own arse?

OP posts:
ChilliAndMint · 01/09/2015 00:32

Poo troll...again?

Original poster
lavendarhillslob · 01/09/2015 00:45

Not in the least chilii - I haven't seen the other threads and I didn't know they even existed until they were mentioned upthread.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/09/2015 00:46

Wronguns

WaggleBee · 01/09/2015 01:07

People stand up ? Confused

What
The
Actual
Fuck?

Mermaidhair · 01/09/2015 06:21

Why would you bother to stand up? Very, very strange.

hesterton · 01/09/2015 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDowagerCuntess · 01/09/2015 07:15

I don't understand why you would stand, if it invokes angling forwarding and sort of squatting ... when you could just sit.

Bizarre.

LongDistanceLove · 01/09/2015 09:20

When I stand to wipe, I'm not bolt upright, it's sort of a lean forward and twist slightly, I am overweight so everything sort of hangs forward making it easier.

Sitting down to wipe is difficult because my fat arse spreads across the seat. Thus I would need super long arms.

I can't believe I'm sharing this Blush Grin

girlandboy · 01/09/2015 11:08

Whether we be sitters/standers/crouchers/touch toes etc, the images this thread conjures up is fantastic Grin

MrsMummyPig · 01/09/2015 13:23

I (as a stander) am wondering wether the people who complain about toilet seat fixings being rubbish and that they have to keep replacing them are a sit and lean to the side to wipe household. I never have a problem with my fixings so next time someone I know complains about theirs I will have to ask them about their wiping technique Grin