A wedding one (sorry)

[Jumpchicken]

I know, I know, you shouldn't mention presents on an invite, but DP and I are on a (ultimately pointless) crusade to scale back the greed of the wedding industry, and don't really want gifts, but don't want to.offend close family who do want to get us something.

So:

'We wish we didn't need to mention this at all, but feel we should. Gifts are totally optional - we are simply hoping to spend the day with you.'

Thoughts?

I think that's nice.

Pointless. Gifts are always totally optional.

‘Gifts are totally optional‘ sounds a bit like stating the obvious. IMHO.

I know hedgehogsdontbite, but I don't think people genuinely feel that when it comes to weddings.

No, but invitations always say something like that these days, and people still feel under pressure.

I would say nothing, or just say 'please no gifts' (those who want to buy still will). Gifts are always optional, and saying you 'wish you didn't have to mention this' could be construed as a bit pass-agg.

Seems a bit wordy. How about "No presents please." Maybe choose a set of crokery people can buy if they really want to buy you a present, or a local charity they could donate to you on your behalf to mark your marriage. No need to mention them unless anyone asks.

I think it's nice too. Had you considered having a charity donation page? Then if people feel they would like to give something, they can make a donation. We did this, most people were very positive about it.

I would make it even stronger - something like, " we really don't need any gifts, having you spend the day with us is gift enough". That way you are making your point without absolutely banning gifts.

Hmmm I still would feel like I 'should' bring a gift with this message. I only don't bring one if it clearly says 'no gifts please'

I don't think they'll believe it any more because you put it on the invite though. I think they'll just think you're saying that to be polite.

I agree with hedgehog - it's a pointless and crass thing to say.

It's a shitting minefield isn't it, sigh.

If I read that I'd probably rethink our friendship.

We wish we didn't need to mention this at all, but feel we should. is so banal, PA and up itself, as a sentence. It doesn't read how your OP suggests you mean it at all.

Try something shorter: We have no gift list and our only requirement is that you enjoy yourself on our wedding day.

All wedding invitations say something like that though. Don't mention gifts and obviously don't include a gift list, I'd say.

The worst ones are where there's a line saying "we really don't need any gifts,but if you must..." and then there's a link to a website to give honeymoon contributions. Or a John Lewis gift list. They obviously DO want gifts then!

Well either you want gifts or not. No one in real life is ever offended at gift lists or requests in wedding invitations. Money can be more controversial. If you don't want gifts write that. Otherwise request vouchers for a shop or do a gift list. If people don't want to buy off it that's fine. You could write 'here is a gift list for ideas or vouchers for ... would be appreciated'.

Who goes to a wedding without buying a gift unless they have a reason, ie flew abroad to attend etc.

We didn't mention gifts on the invitation, nor did we have a list. Those who wanted to give a gift asked us what we would like and we asked that they donate what they would have spent to charity.

Very close family members who really wanted their money spent on us were told by my mum that we were saving for our first house and they contributed towards that.

I don't think anything needs to be mentioned about gifts, those who really want to get you something anyway will and everyone else will take it that you aren't expecting anything and won't feel bad about not getting you anything.

I agree with the pps, if you really mean it say clearly 'no gifts please'.

I like OurBlanche's suggestion, although I think 'requirement' isn't quite the right word.

Maybe 'We have no gift list; we just want you here to celebrate with us.'

Or something similar.

Thanks for all your replies.

We are young (24) and know the feeling of 'argh it's so and sos wedding next month and we're a bit short for money for a gift and our travel' etc and really, really don't want any of our guests to feel that. Feeling V frustrated at the wedding industry straight jacket

We put in our invites something along the lines of (cant remember exact words). No gifts please, we would just like you to share our day. We still had some, but it certainly reduced the amount

I dont understand why this is such an issue. Just state in the invites 'We would prefer it if guests did not bring gifts'

Job done.

"no gifts please"

those who want to will still give something

There's no straight-jacket - I've been to plenty of weddings that ask for no gifts, or ask for a charity donation. You just have to be explicit about it. The problem with your suggested text is, as PPs have said, that many people introduce REQUESTS for gifts with quite a similar formula. Just be straightforward, don't apologise, stipulate no presents. You'll still get a few, but nowhere near as many.

'We wish we didn't need to mention this at all, but feel we should. Gifts are totally optional. Sorry, but this is quite crass. It implies that people who do have gift lists (and a lot of people will have done-including guests at your wedding) are grabby in a quite passive aggressive way. People also don't need to be told that I gifts are optional. They always are.

A simple. 'We have everything we need and want so no gifts please' is fine. No need to make a song and dance about how much better you are than other people getting married.