A wedding one (sorry)

[Jumpchicken]

I know, I know, you shouldn't mention presents on an invite, but DP and I are on a (ultimately pointless) crusade to scale back the greed of the wedding industry, and don't really want gifts, but don't want to.offend close family who do want to get us something.

So:

'We wish we didn't need to mention this at all, but feel we should. Gifts are totally optional - we are simply hoping to spend the day with you.'

Thoughts?

We just said something along the lines of, no gifts please, we have all that we need. Spending our wedding day with close family and friends is all that we want.

I actually think having a gift list full of sensibly priced things is the kindest thing to do. People do feel obliged to bring a gift, even if you say don't. Having parents tell those that ask that you'd like cash or a charity donation is worst of all IMO and then they feel obliged to give a substantial sum.

A gift list with things around £5-£10 means no-one needs to feel pressure for something they can't afford and those who do want to spend more can make up a bundle. As you're young OP, presumably, you could make use of some of the traditional setting up home gifts.

I don't like it - it sounds a bit duff and Twee.

Either you want gifts or you don't.

I'd either not mention gifts at all and then give a gift list if asked or ask for no gifts.

I find the no presents just you presence really, really naff

The presence/presents thing is now so overdone and naff that it's virtually a standard line in wedding invitations.

And, as 90% of the time it's followed with a "but if you insist, here's the link to our honeymoon fundraising page", it looks even more disingenuous.

If you don't want presents just put 'no presents please' on the invitation.

We did that for a recent event (not a wedding). Only 2 people brought a present.

Hope you have a lovely day!

I didn't have a guest list or anything we weren't bothered about presents at all. but we got an overwhelming amount of cash and photoframe! So just having no guest list doesn't work. you do need to state you don't want gifts.

Thanks for your thoughts all - very useful!

Hi OP, my friend put "We would love your presence, not presents". I thought that was a lovely way to put it.

We went to one recently where the invite said no gifts as they are lucky enough to have everything they need but included a link to a fundraising page for their favourite charity for those who were so inclined.

I actually think there is an element of sounding a bit 'do goody' to make any comment about it without being asked - you might feel akward about accepting gifts after being independent, but this is a massive event in your life, and people will want to acknowledge that. Don't make people feel bad about wanting to give you something to mark the occassion.

I think the best option would be to say nothing. Some people will get you something anyway, something the want to give you, others will just give you cash or gift vouchers when there's no wedding list guidence, but most will ask you/your parents, and then you say "that's very kind of you, but we really don't need anything and don't expect gifts." some people will still push you, because they want to give you something to mark the occasion, so you will have to decide how firm you want to be about no gifts. and like everyone who has no gift list or says they don't want gifts, you'll get vases, champagne, nicknacks and photo frames

I think it's fine.

Owlina I hate wedding lists. In real life too!

Just don't say anything, gift giving is always optional. We didn't mention it at all but had a small card box at the wedding. We got a number of £5/£10/£20 vouchers notes and few thoughtful gifts. I hope no one felt obliged! A few people asked and we mentioned things we could do with, but only if they asked first.

If people like giving gifts let them and don't make a big deal either way. I really hate wedding lists too!