A wedding one (sorry)

[Jumpchicken]

I know, I know, you shouldn't mention presents on an invite, but DP and I are on a (ultimately pointless) crusade to scale back the greed of the wedding industry, and don't really want gifts, but don't want to.offend close family who do want to get us something.

So:

'We wish we didn't need to mention this at all, but feel we should. Gifts are totally optional - we are simply hoping to spend the day with you.'

Thoughts?

we said, we really have almost everything we need and don't wish for any presents, we want you at our celebration to share our day with us but if you feel you want to gift us then a bottle of wine would be appreciated. we still got a few thoughtful gifts but also a fair few decent bottles of wine we put away for special occasions.

But do you want gifts, or do you not want people to give them because they feel they must?

Feeling V frustrated at the wedding industry straight jacket

It's hardly a straight jacket if you don't want gifts and therefore ask your guests not to bring gifts. Has nothing to do with the wedding industry as a whole.

I agree, "no gifts please" is much better.

You are right, Shodan. Scrub 'requirement', stupid choice of word

We have no gift list. We look forward to celebrating our wedding day with you.

Or just don't mention gifts at all in the invitations.

Just got an invitation last week. It said

*No presents, please. Your presence is all we want"

We didn't mention gifts, however both mum and mil were primed that if anyone should enquire, we we're saving for some non-essential work to the house and contributions would be appreciated. We ended up with a mix of cash and vouchers with a smattering of nice keepsakes, no extra clutter, and our guests seemed happy enough having run things past the relevant family member.

Don't mention gifts at all in on or with the invite. Have a gift list - either informally or at a shop. Prime your parents with this. If people ask - they (and you) say "we aren't expecting gifts." If people push give them the list. You will undoubtedtly still get a couple of things you don't want. All brides and grooms do. However you've kept it as wedding industry free as possible.

To me that doesn't sound like you shouldn't give a gift. I'd still assume you'd think I was stingey if I didn't bring a gift.

Why not put if people want to "give", then please make a donation to a named charity?

We specifically requested no gifts but we we still got some, whilst we appreciated them we were a bit

The tradition was to give gifts to help a young couple 'start up' a home . Nowadays ,when it seems to be the norm to rent/buy a house and furnish it and live together before the wedding, then I don't think there is an 'obligation' to give a gift (though I would tbh).Many of my DDs' generation ask for contributions to their honeymoon- i.e. pay for a nice holiday for us . I suppose it's not unreasonable but that feels a bit tacky to me .I'm know, I'm just old fashioned .
What does surprise me is the number of people I know who are comfortably off, have 40th or even 50th and 60th wedding anniversary celebrations (or 'significant' birthdays)and do not say' No gifts . If you really want to mark our anniversary we have set up a website at Justgiving for ... whatever' You could do that OP .And all credit to you, especially at 24 when it wouldn't be unreasonable to still actually need some household goods.

I went to a wedding where it was clearly stated no gifts please but there will be a box for xx charity if you wish to contribute. I loved not having to buy anything, totally put me at ease!

I think most people will want to get you a gift - that's why gift lists are great, as people don't waste their money getting you something you either don't want or you have already.

I wouldn't put anything about gifts and then if people ask (or more likely ask your Mum) have a gift list number to give them.

I like the charity idea but it does seem a little too goody two shoes IYSWIM. Thanks for suggestions - am rewording as we speak. I think part of the problem is I find it really difficult to accept things from others and have been V financially independent from a young age.

To answer another posters q, I'd rather not have any gifts at all.

Sorry, also should have mentioned I work for a charity supporting asylum seekers, so feel it's too politicised (if that's the right word) as I'd ask for contributions to it

We had an Oxfam wedding list. People who really felt they had to buy something bought goats and mosquito nets, we felt happily smug and pleased that something good had come as a result of the wedding, and we didn't get any extra towels or toasters.

Presence not presents is wanky

Your attendance is the only gift we need is wanky

If you really mean no gifts when anyone asks what you would like you say nothing thank you. If they press you say no thank you. If they insist they say no thank you.

We said 'we require your presence...not a present! Please only bring your dancing feet!' Still got a few gifts though

Oh gymbunny it went down well imo

That is very good, mrschatty. That was nicely done.

I really would say 'Absolutely no gifts please! We realise that attending weddings can be expensive enough before gifts. Please be 100% assured that your presence is all we want or need.'

Another vote for getting to the point. "No gifts please" is perfect. Unless you secretly want gifts?

Keep it short and snappy-

No gifts please!

Then give your guests a particular charity to give to, something local would be an idea. It's not goody two shoes at all! You don't want gifts, why shouldn't a charity benefit? I gave to medicin san frontieres when two doctors married each other...