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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go to church if I'm not religious?

77 replies

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 30/08/2015 19:12

There's a local church which has lots of meetings and groups for activities that interest me but they are all with an overriding religious theme.

I really like the idea of getting involved with the local church and think it would be good for DS too as he is a complete loner and could do with a shove to be a bit more sociable. I have great memories of my church as a kid as it was a big community.

Problem is I really don't believe in God anymore at least not in the God of the bible. Would it be a complete no-no to go along and pretend I do or are churches a bit more flexible these days?

OP posts:
Original poster
Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 30/08/2015 20:33

Italian it's a baptist church. I went to an evangelical church as a kid which I enjoyed buy I did have a problem with some of their views on homosexuality (and felt bad for challenging it as was just a kid).

I don't really know how the different denominations relate to that but hopefully this one will be open minded.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 30/08/2015 20:34

I also hope they don't mind about my terrible singing Blush

OP posts:
Puffinsharon · 30/08/2015 20:37

If they are Baptists then all you need do is sing good and loud. Quantity over quality

Wolpertinger · 30/08/2015 20:39

Baptist is pretty variable. I'm an ex-Baptist and used to go to a v inclusive church but there definitely is a highly evangelical wing which you might find more difficult.

missymayhemsmum · 30/08/2015 22:12

You'll probably find lots of people who value worship and have a variety of understandings of God but who also don't believe in the idea of God you grew up with, iyswim.

mimishimmi · 31/08/2015 00:24

I miss parts of it too. Growing up I attended a church which went all 'church militant' in the early nineties and it was seriously neo-Nazi type stuff - since I'm not the 'aryan' ideal I fled as soon as I was able. It's like we were being indoctrinated to become cannon fodder and having seen first-hand what that did to my grandfather, I felt a deep sense of despair. I miss the few nice people here and there and sense of community among them though . I do believe in God but I'm not sure I believe in most of church doctrine/leadership at all.

Italiangreyhound · 31/08/2015 00:43

I agree baptist churches vary a lot and debates about 'homosexuality' divide many churches as many people have different views.

So even if some in the church hold one view you may find others who hold a different view.

I hope you will enjoy the bits you can enjoy. Bless you.

fuzzpig · 31/08/2015 01:03

Lovely thread, I've been wondering about doing this too.

BigDorrit · 31/08/2015 01:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 31/08/2015 01:24

BigDorrit just curious but the Baptist church in the UK doesn't really hold a lot of power. I get what you are saying, I don't agree with it, but I get it.

I'd also wonder where you think that the church is going to claim this and who you think will listen or be remotely interested in how many people go to that church or what they believe?

Maybe a few decades ago that may have been true for a few more influential denominations, but nowadays I am not sure anyone cares.

Assuming the OP is in the UK, as I am.

I know it may be different in different countries still.

I've been a Christian over 30 years in C of E and free churches (including Baptist) and really society is not hoping up and down with interest about what 'the church' says or does, not when the church does things well or when they/we do things badly, IMHO.

Italiangreyhound · 31/08/2015 01:25

fuzzpig hope you find somewhere nice to go, if you wish to. I am a big fan of the C of E, generally quite tolerant these days and pretty welcoming usually in my experience.

BigDorrit · 31/08/2015 01:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoxofSnails · 31/08/2015 01:32

I think it's a great idea - down the centuries churches have gathered people for many reasons and I'm sure for many of us the reasons shift, sometimes week by week.
I hope they are loving, accepting, and give the family and community you are looking for. I have a strong faith, but I also love that, despite having little family and some of it estranged and toxic, at church I have a really wonderful family.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 31/08/2015 01:59

Well we started going to church to get our kids in the church school, (I know, I know) and stayed because we loved the feeling of community.

Fifteen years on I am actually a really strong believer in God and the teaching of Jesus, I even teach the Sunday school. DP jokes I am madly religious; he is still on the fence and comes for the social side. I am probably not most people's idea of a Christian; I'm pretty leftie and DP and I have never bothered getting married......it works for me though.

EdithSimcox · 31/08/2015 09:42

Be careful what you wish for. There are hidden dangers! Like you might start believing, which is what happened to me, and which in my case caused no end of trouble, and why I am now sitting here in tears...
But the hymns etc are great too.

ThomasRichard · 31/08/2015 10:10

:( Edith would you like to expand?

WitchOfAlba · 31/08/2015 10:22

Puffin what denomination is your church? It sounds like my kind of church.

Italiangreyhound · 31/08/2015 18:04

BigDorrit re I think that is worth pointing out. Yes, it's worth noting but I am just not sure that churches these days do campaign for much that people would be unhappy about. Yes, the gay marriage debate was one such example but look what happened, it didn't change things, and some Christians were and are supportive of gay marriage, so the idea all churches or all Christians hold fixed ideas on many things is not really true any more (in this country).

Boxofsnails how lovely.

EdithSimcox hope you are OK.

Dadistired1 · 31/08/2015 18:37

My church welcomes everyone, we actually work with the local mosque to start a foodbank, although it should be said that church is fundamentally about praising god.

LarrytheCucumber · 31/08/2015 18:40

'The church is the only organisation which exists for the benefit of its non members' (No idea who said this, but the implication is that anyone from 'outside' is welcome).

featherandblack · 31/08/2015 19:24

I agree that a church worth its salt will be happy to have you. It would be decent to be honest about where you stand and willing to explore where your faith, or lack of it, could go. But the church should be happy to 'spread the love' and probably will be.

featherandblack · 31/08/2015 19:25

Wasn't there a songs of praise presenter who pretended she'd been converted and ended up believing?

Puffinsharon · 01/09/2015 09:55

@witch

C of E,

Vicar is a hippy and wannabe rockstar, very relaxed vibe, we (the choir) choose our own songs, with a few additional hymns but not too many. Each month everyone puts their choice of song into a hat and one is drawn, there's only been one draw that was refused 'In a Gadda Da Vida' but instead we did 'Sunshine of your Love' which is very similar and everyone likes Eric Clapton. Vicar plays guitar too so that's a big plus, choir is accompanied by him and a young lad on drums.

The finale of our concert that year was a big 60's/70's mashup.

redstrawberry10 · 02/09/2015 09:37

I'd also wonder where you think that the church is going to claim this and who you think will listen or be remotely interested in how many people go to that church or what they believe?

they do this all the time. The CofE justifies keeping the UK a theocracy because of census numbers.

Yes, it's worth noting but I am just not sure that churches these days do campaign for much that people would be unhappy about.

barring women vicars, barring gay marriage, state religious status, public funding for religious schools...

the list goes on.

Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2015 18:13

redstrawberry10 re barring women vicars, barring gay marriage, state religious status, public funding for religious schools

So not everyone disagrees with these things. Some disagree with some but not others. E.G. I was delighted equal marriage came in. The 'church' didn't all disagree with it and those who did were not successful.

I am an ardent fan of women vicars (that battle was fought a long time ago) and we now even have women bishops. YES, it was a long time coming, but it's now here, or rather they are now here.

IMHO the church has the right to decide what it thinks about it's own stuff. Even if I do not agree with it, as a fully paid up member of it. I do agree the church should have kept it's beak out of equal marriage as a legal entitiy and the battle goes on for the rights of gay clergy etc but the 'church' did not prevail in changing state policy on equal marriage and again, not everyone in the church was against equal marriage.

If religious schools are something most people do not want why are so many people flocking to go to them, even going to church to get into them? We live round the corner from a church school, one that is attached to the church we now go to! Yet when we made the choice of schools, both times we picked a regular state school. But I don't object to public funding for church schools if the public want to go to them. And state religious status, well if enough people did not want it, we would not have it. We live in a democracy. It doesn't much bother me either way but if people want it then that is fine.