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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DD's so called friends are complete witches?

76 replies

Meandyouandyouandme · 30/08/2015 18:01

DD1 is at a big festival today, she was going on her own, paid £100 for a ticket, but was meeting up with people she vaguely knows when she got there. She was fine with that, none of her friends nearby, either, wanted to go, or could afford it.

Earlier this week on Twitter, one of the DJs playing at the festival tweeted that he would give some free tickets out. She tweeted him, and he said he would put one of her friends on the guest list. So she got a free ticket for one friend, then another friend tweeted this DJ, and he tweeted my DD back, and she said yes that's my friend too, can she have a ticket, so she's got two free tickets for these two friends.

Well it turns out they've dumped her on her own and gone off together. I'm so cross for her, I mean who does that. Obviously she's not considering them her friends any more, just feel really sorry for her.

Fortunately she's with one of the other people she was meeting. She was only out with these girls last week, one of them had a birthday, but tellingly the only people out were the three of them plus the birthday girl's sister. So she obviously doesn't have many friends.

Anybody have any words of wisdom on how to deal with such shitty friends? I am assuming IANBU, Angry

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 30/08/2015 18:17

Yup they are complete witches. Girls of that age often are.

I think on this one, if your DD is old enough to go to a festival on her own, then you need to let her sort out her own "friendship" issues, painful though it is for you to see her hurt.

If nothing else, all that tweeting back-and-forth would be enough to send me running for the hills and not want to get involved ... and grab a glass of Wine instead!

Smile
Topseyt · 30/08/2015 18:19

There is nothing you either could or should do.

If it were my daughter all I would do would be tell her that sometimes you just do find out who your friends really are. Yours just has. She can ignore them now, and count them out of her circle of proper friends. She will learn that herself.

cardibach · 30/08/2015 18:24

She'll meet may more witches. The important thing is for her to behave as she has this time and not let them spoil whatever is going on, and not to become one herself in retaliation. Hope the festival is ace.

BolshierAyraStark · 30/08/2015 18:43

Awwww, they sound awful but fuck em, she's with someone else & now she can enjoy herself in company of quality rather than with those two.

PeppaWellington · 30/08/2015 18:55

I think the way to deal with them is slowly freeze them out. Be polite and cool but sadly unavailable if they deign to invite her to anything. It's probably not worth confronting them or mentioning it on social media, she could be accused of being bitchy or dramatic by them, to deflect from their shitty behaviour.

They have just used her for free tickets, haven't they? Sad

Glad she has other mates and had a good time.

teeththief · 30/08/2015 18:57

Do the two friends know your DD's other friends? Maybe they felt a bit left out and decided they'd be better off on their own than spending the day with a group of people they didn't know and assumed, as your DD had originally arranged to meet the other friends she'd want to stay with them? clutching at straws!

Original poster
Meandyouandyouandme · 30/08/2015 19:03

Thanks, yes she's 22, so absolutely old enough to deal with it on her own. I just didn't think they would be so hurtful.

I have told her to get a drink and enjoy the rest of the festival, with the people she is with now.

Hopefully she has followed my advice already, and is now raving! Thanks, am feeling better now Smile

OP posts:
Mintyy · 30/08/2015 19:03

What does she exactly mean by "dumped her on her own and gone off together?"

Has this been all day or what? Are you sure she's not being a bit of a drama llama?

Mintyy · 30/08/2015 19:04

She's 22 and texting her mum from a festival ??

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/08/2015 19:07

I thought she would be much younger from the OP.

laffymeal · 30/08/2015 19:09

What does her age have to do with texting her Mum from a festival? She's clearly upset and feeling a bit grim at an event which should have been a lot of fun, she's feeling let down and wants to offload to a safe place to fall, i.e. her Mum. Why be so snotty about it MintyY?

laffymeal · 30/08/2015 19:10

And regardless of your age, people letting you down, using you for something free and abandoning you in a strange place is never pleasant or easy to deal with. Think of all the threads on here from grown women complaining about alleged "friends" disappointing them.

LazyLohan · 30/08/2015 19:10

I'm not sure it really is that bad actually. DD went with two friends and met up with more inside. It's fairly normal at festivals for groups to break off and go in different directions if they want to see different DJs or bands. And they didn't leave her alone, she stayed with another friend. Presumably she could have gone with them if she wanted to. I don't think it would really have been fair for her to think that they should have stayed with her even if they wanted to watch something different. Dropping them over that would be a bit needy and controlling.

Branleuse · 30/08/2015 19:14

I got dumped by a (best) friend at a festival once. Considered just going home, but ended up staying and doing it by myself. It was brilliant. Never was the same with that friend again obviously, and I did text my mum and I was 27 or 28 at the time

CoraPirbright · 30/08/2015 19:14

I am in my 40's and a mother of two and I would still call my mum and have a moan about stuff like this. I am close to my mum and I hope some day my daughter will feel its fine to off load on me in this way. Doesnt mean that I (or hopefully she when she is old enough) isnt mature, independent and strong if that is what you are insinuating Mintyy

OP - they are total witches and I am sorry to hear this but I hope your dd has a fab time.

DriverSurpriseMe · 30/08/2015 19:16

What's the problem with texting her mum from the festival?

She did a nice thing, scoring free tickets for her friends (is this Reading festival?) so they could go with her. And they repay her by fucking off together and leaving the OP's DD on her tod. That's shitty behaviour, however you look at it.

But, like someone said up thread, sometimes you see a supposed friend's true colours, and this is one of those times.

AuntyMag10 · 30/08/2015 19:16

she's 22! And you probably don't know the full story why grown women might do this to each other. You seem over involved in her business.

OooooohMissDiane · 30/08/2015 19:20

Ooh I think you're a little too close to it all really. I get that it's a bit off but there's not much you can do or should be doing for a 22 year old woman - But I do understand about her texting you.

laffymeal · 30/08/2015 19:20

And OP I don't really have any advice. Just be a loving Mum (which you clearly are) and don't listen to PPs who seem to think there's a cut off age for being supportive to your DCs when they feel let down and vulnerable.

velourvoyageur · 30/08/2015 19:20

I'm 21 and would take two mins to reply to my mum, whose company I enjoy & advice I value, from a festival, yeah, as I don't see her as someone less worth it just because she's my mum....guess there are different kinds of parent child relationships :)

young people are self centred yep, that can translate into witchy. Glad your DD is having a good time now OP :)

Mintyy · 30/08/2015 19:21

Goodness, unless my dd was particularly vulnerable or in a very bad place mentally I really wouldn't expect her to phone or text me about an argument with a friend at the age of 22

14, maybe. If she were that much older I'd hope she'd have better coping strategies herself!

OooooohMissDiane · 30/08/2015 19:23

There's a difference between being a supportive Mum and seeking a solution to her problems. The former is fine, the latter is a bit OTT

laffymeal · 30/08/2015 19:27

I'm sure your DD will be fine OP. You don't sound OTT at all, just concerned and looking for a bit of advice. You probably didn't pick the best place to post as AIBU brings out the worst in some people.

FWIW I don't think you ever stop worrying about things like this, you just want your DCs to be safe and happy, regardless of their age. Beats me how some people think once they hit 15 your DCs should be entirely self sufficient and not text you for a virtual hug.

DixieNormas · 30/08/2015 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RachelZoe · 30/08/2015 19:33

Why are people assuming OP's DD is having some sort of melt and running to mummy? Maybe she is just sending a casual pissed off text, my eldest texts me stuff like that all the time, he isn't running to me or can't cope, we're just having a conversation/he's sounding off. But I forgot, it's Mumsnet where you have to disown your child the second they turn 18 Hmm

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