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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DD's so called friends are complete witches?

76 replies

Meandyouandyouandme · 30/08/2015 18:01

DD1 is at a big festival today, she was going on her own, paid £100 for a ticket, but was meeting up with people she vaguely knows when she got there. She was fine with that, none of her friends nearby, either, wanted to go, or could afford it.

Earlier this week on Twitter, one of the DJs playing at the festival tweeted that he would give some free tickets out. She tweeted him, and he said he would put one of her friends on the guest list. So she got a free ticket for one friend, then another friend tweeted this DJ, and he tweeted my DD back, and she said yes that's my friend too, can she have a ticket, so she's got two free tickets for these two friends.

Well it turns out they've dumped her on her own and gone off together. I'm so cross for her, I mean who does that. Obviously she's not considering them her friends any more, just feel really sorry for her.

Fortunately she's with one of the other people she was meeting. She was only out with these girls last week, one of them had a birthday, but tellingly the only people out were the three of them plus the birthday girl's sister. So she obviously doesn't have many friends.

Anybody have any words of wisdom on how to deal with such shitty friends? I am assuming IANBU, Angry

OP posts:
Ragwort · 30/08/2015 19:37

I agree with Mintyy - why on earth is she texting her mum about all this? Hmm -Thank God I did all my growing up years before mobile phones and wouldn't have dreamed of involving my mother in some of the situations I got myself into Grin.

I have a friend with a DD in her 20s - in a professional career - who constantly texts her mother about work issues, love life issues, money issues - my friend clearly loves being over involved and laps it all up - not seeing it as 'unhealthy' in any way.

Op - you need to let go ............... enjoy your own life rather than living through your DD's time at a festival can't think of anything worse.

DixieNormas · 30/08/2015 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintyy · 30/08/2015 19:39

Alright then, normal for 22 year olds to text their Mums when they have a falling out with a mate - normal for Mum to post about Mumsnet on it?

I am sorry BUT this is really a bit of a mountain out of a molehill. Surely!

Anyway, I shall bow out. I thought from the op that we would be talking about bullying of a school aged child. Not a tiny snapshot of an incident which has come second hand via text from an adult.

Burnet · 30/08/2015 19:39

I'm 39 and I'd text my mum if somebody pissed me off! She is a good friend to me!

Original poster
Meandyouandyouandme · 30/08/2015 19:41

She text me saying, where are you? I replied, at home. I then text if everything was ok? Then about an hour later she replied and said that she couldn't find them at all. She had meant to text her friends where are you? Not me. So they are probably not replying to her messages. So to all those questioning this I wouldn't know what was going on if she hadn't text me by mistake in the first place.

I think there's an element of jealousy going on, but whatever it is, she knows to steer well clear!

She's not text me now since before 6pm so hopefully is getting over it, and enjoying herself with the people she is with now. She's at Creamfields Smile

OP posts:
RachelZoe · 30/08/2015 19:41

Dixie

Quite Grin

Talking about a 17 year old - "But she is a CHILLLLLDDD"

then

6 months later - "Oh she's 18, tell her to fuck off, throw her out with a tin of beans and reconvene at her 30th"

velourvoyageur · 30/08/2015 19:41

OP: hey DD, enjoying your day?
OP's DD: yeah it's great thanks mum
those friends I got the tickets for ditched me so I was a bit Hmm but oh well, I found x and we're having a blast now

she doesn't have to be in the grip of a major depression to communicate with her mum!

AuntyMag10 · 30/08/2015 19:41

I don't think it's an issue of the dd telling her mum what's going on, but then for the op to herself not know what to say to her dd? I mean come on she's 22, how did you get her through other problems. You do seem over involved, by the whole birthday issue and conclusions about how 'telling' their behaviour is and then calling them witches over it when you probably don't know the entire story.

DixieNormas · 30/08/2015 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chickenfuckingpox · 30/08/2015 19:46

i hope my daughter is still texting me about her problems when she is 22 not expecting me to solve them just random shit happens text

Original poster
Meandyouandyouandme · 30/08/2015 19:47

Thanks for the replies, not much debate on the AIBU or not. Just whether I am over invested!

Not in the slightest, I was pissed off with them. People post the most minute problems on here and get answers, good and bad, so why not me? It's called online chat, not life and death. There are plenty of threads on here, started by people who get frozen out by good friends for unknown reasons Confused

OP posts:
BathshebaDarkstone · 30/08/2015 19:52

YANBU. These girls are obviously shits. Your poor DD and what a lovely mum she's got. Flowers

Mintyy · 30/08/2015 19:52

I think this is one of those situations where there is simply not enough info to know whether you are bu or not.

Hassled · 30/08/2015 19:54

My 26 year old DD texted me earlier because she's hacked off with the mates she's camping with and needed a rant - you don't stop needing to off-load to your mum once you hit some arbitrary age, and I'm never going to stop effectively saying YANBU/YABU to her. And if your child's mates are witches you don't ever stop thinking your child deserves better treatment, however old they are.

OP - hope she's having a great time.

scatterthenuns · 30/08/2015 19:56

but tellingly the only people out were the three of them plus the birthday girl's sister. So she obviously doesn't have many friends.

Bit of a stretched assumption.

scatterthenuns · 30/08/2015 19:58

Also I'm 30 and texted my mum from a party I wasn't enjoying this weekend. My mum is fun, and the perfect person to unload on to.

Nothing weird about DD.

Rebecca2014 · 30/08/2015 19:59

Well I am close to my mum and would tell her if the above situation happened to me as would my sisters. I didn't realize once you hit 18, your not allowed to tell your mother your problems. Of course I wouldn't expect her to solve my problem or post it online!! just advice/support me.

Italiangreyhound · 30/08/2015 20:00

Horrible behaviour from the girls but your dd is good to learn that sometimes people behave like this and so you can pick your friends.

I sometimes worry we try and 'make' our kids too polite and nice so they will give so called 'friends' endless chances to be nice! It is right to learn who are the nice people and hang out with them, who will have your back, who will be a real friend. You can forgive people who treat you badly and not hold grudges, as that is actually quite harmful to the individual holding the grudge but really when friends prove to be un-friendly it is time to move on and your dd is very wise (and techno savvy getting tickets from Twitter!) I am sure you will let her know how proud you are of her. smile

MrsSippy · 30/08/2015 20:03

my son is 22 and texts me for a chat or an update all the time (when he is bored Grin) nothing wrong with that!

Italiangreyhound · 30/08/2015 20:04

I hope my daughter is close enough to text me at 22 about anything she wants to. It's a sign of a close relationship and that is great.

Arabidopsis · 30/08/2015 20:04

So they are probably not replying to her messages

No response to messages at a festival and I would think no signal/not heard phone/lost phone/flat battery well before purposely avoiding. Strange that your first thought is they're ignoring her.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 30/08/2015 20:04

What horrible girls!!! Yanbu to be annoyed and upset for your dd but there's nothing you can do. I hope she enjoys the rest of the festival with the people shes meeting there, and that she has nothing to do with those witches again.

Original poster
Meandyouandyouandme · 30/08/2015 20:06

Yes I was very impressed with her ability to get free tickets. She could have taken me Grin

OP posts:
laffymeal · 30/08/2015 20:06

That's a fair point about lack of signal actually.

Italiangreyhound · 30/08/2015 20:06

Meandyouandyouandme in your shoes there is one thing I would not be worrying about... whether I was being unreasonable or not. Just move and let dd move on.