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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit miffed that my mum has no keepsakes or photographs of me as a baby?

77 replies

introvertMNer · 30/08/2015 03:38

For some reason my mum didn't keep anything from when I was a baby or from when she was pregnant. There are no scan pictures, appointment letters, photos of me as a newborn, baby clothes, shoes.. nothing really. There are lots of photos of me as a toddler onwards but nothing from before that. I have spoken to her about it before and she just says that she didn't keep anything. Can I ask older MNers what mementos you have kept of your grown up DCs from when they were babies?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 30/08/2015 03:54

I'm only 42, and I have a 19 year old that I couldn't be more proud of. I certainly had a scan photo (I remember thinking she had my knees!) but despite obviously never throwing it out, God only knows if it is still in existence. I didn't keep clothes. I've got photos, but they were actual printed out images, so if they'd been lost, I could understand that- I've moved a few times since she was born.

It might seem different now, because we are in the age of Facebook and photographing any old unimportant dinner plate, but when we didn't live like it was just more important to experience the moment and store it in your mind's eye.

When I had my second baby, the (non-digital) camera was broken, so there are very few surviving photos of her as a little baby. She wasn't loved any less, and she is stored in my heart at that age forever.

BitOfFun · 30/08/2015 03:56

As for scan photos of child#2? I barely recall attending, much less getting a print-out. I'd be really surprised if I still had it, if I ever did.

sykadelic · 30/08/2015 04:06

YABU to be miffed with the choice she made. Her child, her choice. It would have been nice. It's definitely something many parents would do. And yes, she really should have thought about her child more than her choice.

That said, there were no scan photos when I was a child. There are baby portraits but outside of that... nothing like the documentation that goes on today!

MinesAPintOfTea · 30/08/2015 04:16

Are you sure she wasn't suffering from pnd or otherwise too overwhelmed to keep track of such things?

bushtailadventures · 30/08/2015 04:37

When I had my first baby, 27 yrs ago, scan photo's weren't even offered, although by the time #3 came along they were, I have it somewhere, but I couldn't tell you where. I certainly didn't keep clothes or toys, wouldn't even have occurred to me, to be honest.

With only a non-digital camera, it was such a faff, and pretty expensive, to get photos developed that we only took a few of each dc. The first one I have of the eldest was taken when she was 6 weeks old. Contrast that with dgd who had her first pic taken when she was minutes old, and has had so many taken in the first 6 months of her life that she recognises the camera...

BloodyLeadStuckInSharpener · 30/08/2015 05:11

Do you have a birth certificate?

Out2pasture · 30/08/2015 05:12

30+ years ago camera's were not like today. You could accidently take photo's over a roll that was previously used and end up with double exposures and pay and expensive price to develop and realize it was all trash :(. No easy delete function and often only one decent picture out of a roll of 24.
Baby clothing was passed down, really ruined and off color, certainly not worth saving. Same with books and toys.
All the teeth that fell out of my trio's mouths were saved....then at some point I thought it rather grim (especially since all the teeth were in one little case).
I have a few more of the first child, by the time number 3 arrived it was 5 years before we had time to take more.
I suspect my story is common.

nagynolonger · 30/08/2015 05:57

My eldest is 35 and although I had a scan they were not always done and we were never given the chance to buy a copy.

I do have scan pictures of my youngest three who were born in the 90s.

Try to remember we didn't have digital cameras so photographs were much more hit and miss and very expensive compared to now. I don't think it was routine to take cameras into hospital. They were bulkier with a separate flash. Mums would stay in for up to a week so probably didn't take photographs until they arrived home. Also now everyone has a camera on their phone. These didn't exist when you were born.

Having said that I did keep some bits for all of them. I still have the new born cards and the name cards from the cots/bands from around the baby's wrists. I do have a few photographs too. The colour has faded over the years and they are nowhere near as good as you get from a cheap digital now. The first good quality photos were taken at DS1 christening by a relative who had an expensive camera. Most people couldn't afford an expensive equipment. Developing the prints was expensive too and you never knew if the photo was any good until you got the prints back. You had to take them to the chemist or send them away in the post to be developed. Sometimes the postal ones just never arrived back.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 30/08/2015 05:57

I think you are being precious. I'm 42 and my Mum has nothing of my babyhood or even my childhood. I do like keeping things but she doesn't and that's that!

How old are you OP?

nephrofox · 30/08/2015 06:44

If the difference between having nothing & then loads is stark from a certain age, I would follow it up

The Nancy drew in me would be suspicious I was adopted as a toddler!

Savagebeauty · 30/08/2015 06:47

My dcs are teens and apart from photos I have no momentos.
Why would anyone keep appointment letters???
I have no clothes, toys, cards..I'm minimalistic and hate hoarding stuff.

You are being ridiculous.

Chottie · 30/08/2015 06:50

I only have my birth certificate and some photos.

Cameras and films and processing were relatively expensive pre the digital age.

winkywinkola · 30/08/2015 06:50

YANBU op.

I know lots of people my age (44) whose parents took oodles of pictures of them as kids. Kept teeth. Locks of hair etc.

My parents kept nothing. I have two photos of me as a baby/toddler and they are mostly in shadow.

My parents are deeply unsentimental people though. They wouldn't understand why I might feel cheesed off about this. I don't feel cheesed off but I don't think it would be unreasonable if I were.

addictedtosugar · 30/08/2015 06:58

My kids are 6 and 4. I have photos ( more of pfb) and a birth certificate. Scan photos went out as they were fading.

BitandBot · 30/08/2015 07:27

I'm in my 40s and there is nothing of me when I was a baby. No scans or camera. It might have been nice to have s baby outfit I suppose.
I'm keeping just first outfit and shoes for mine. We do have more photos but none are printed out . They are just sitting unlooked at in cyberspace.

junebirthdaygirl · 30/08/2015 08:05

I have three in early 20 s. I have a baby album for each one. Only thing l ever organised properly. I have nothing else. It never dawned on.me to keep first shoes, dress whatever. I do have precious precious memories though and absolutely loved my kids at that stage with all my heart. So don't read anything from it. It means absolutely nothing and says nothing about your relationship with your dm. I think we lived more in the moment then and as we had no social media sharing stuff with others was unthinkable. The only thing l do have as well is some of their favourite books but that's because l would never throw out a book.

allnewredfairy · 30/08/2015 08:11

My eldest are 26 and 29 and I have no scan photos. They simply weren't offered. Cameras werent enouraged in hospitals and I was kept in for a fortnight with first and a week with the second. It was a standard policy for non complicated births.
The obsession we have for photo documentation today was certainly not in the mindset then and taking photos was a long, labourious and hit and miss job.
My now 14 DD has far more photographic memories but even then digital cameras for the masses were very very new.I'm actually quite sad that I don't have many pictures of my children as newborns.

wigglesrock · 30/08/2015 08:15

I think you're being a bit unreasonable to be very honest. I'm in my early 40s - my mum has photos of me from about 18 months plus - none as a baby, no first teeth/ shoes / teddies. She didn't have any scans.
I've 3 kids (10, 7,4) nd although I have lots more photos and their scan photos somewhere. I don't keep first shoes, teeth, hair. Two out of the three might have a keepsake teddy but if they want it, they can keep it.

goblinhat · 30/08/2015 08:17

Nothing.
Get over it OP- you are being a special snowflake.

Witchend · 30/08/2015 08:17

We have many more baby photos of dc3 simply because we got a digital camera when dc2 was 9 months. We have loads of pictures of dc2 from 9 months, but nothing like as many from dd1.

It cost round a bout 30p per photo on non digital and no option of deleting the poor ones.

With dd1 I had one scan and had to pay for a photo. With the others they automatically gave you pictures at both scans.

HazelBite · 30/08/2015 08:24

I'm in my 60's and never had any scans with Ds1 and whilst I had to have them for the other 3 we were never offered prints of them. (we are talking the 1980's) If it wasn't for my father I would have virtually no photos of any of mine as babies.
Ddad was the first in the hospital with a camera when all of his grandchildren were born!
I have kept their christening outfits and hand made shawls, and the little plastic identification bracelets from the hospital.

Mrsjayy · 30/08/2015 08:26

My eldest is 22 and there is a scan picture somewhere and i certainly didnt keep appointment letters and photos had to be developed at the chemist so maybe we have 1 packet of baby photos, i think you need to give your mother a break

Mrsjayy · 30/08/2015 08:27

I dont have baby shoes are you meant to keep them ?

goblinhat · 30/08/2015 08:29

I dont have baby shoes are you meant to keep them ?

Of course. It's on page 122 of the How to Be a Good Mother Manual that came with your baby.
Don't say you haven't read it.

queenrollo · 30/08/2015 08:31

I have one photo of my mum pregnant with me, one of her stood with my dad holding me as a newborn. I was given these by my aunt when I was 25 and she found them while moving house.
I'm 40.
We had a huge family and clothes were just handed on to the next baby.
I think it's a combination of my mum just not being able to afford a camera/film/processing and my dad buggering off when I was tiny. Having photos of him was too painful for her and he was in all of the baby ones.