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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a bit miffed that my mum has no keepsakes or photographs of me as a baby?

77 replies

introvertMNer · 30/08/2015 03:38

For some reason my mum didn't keep anything from when I was a baby or from when she was pregnant. There are no scan pictures, appointment letters, photos of me as a newborn, baby clothes, shoes.. nothing really. There are lots of photos of me as a toddler onwards but nothing from before that. I have spoken to her about it before and she just says that she didn't keep anything. Can I ask older MNers what mementos you have kept of your grown up DCs from when they were babies?

OP posts:

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 30/08/2015 08:32

My Mum kept our identity bracelets, the birth card that says the weight, length etc of the baby and all the cards she got from friends. My Mum sadly died from terminal cancer so she gave all of us the baby things before she died but not the cards as we don't know the people they are from.

We also have our school reports (makes for a hilarious read) but there are very few photos of us when we were babies and toddlers because film was very expensive to develop back then. I'm 41.

For my own children they each have a baby box with a teeny nappy in, a sleepsuit that they wore, their birth card and bracelets etc. Their first shoes too.

I also keep some drawings and school work that makes me laugh. We have a video of Ds1 drawing a picture of me when he is 3 with a running commentary by him of what he is drawing. I showed him the picture yesterday (epic loft sorting) he was really pleased. He is 12.

I'm with others, have you seen your birth certificate?

treaclesoda · 30/08/2015 08:34

I'm 40, my parents don't have all that many photos of me, certainly very few in comparison to my older siblings. Doesn't bother me though.

With digital photography etc it is much easier to photograph everything. Also it's more in recent years that there has been a 'fashion' (I can't think of a better word, but I know that fashion isn't quite right) for putting together memory books/boxes, scrapbooking significant photos/items.

annandale · 30/08/2015 08:35

There are two pics of me as a baby and that's it. I had two older siblings and my parents were busy!

Thing is, in both those pics I am beaming from ear to ear. I had a great childhood and that's what is important. I can understand if you felt unloved that you could seize on a lack of stuff as a sign of that lovelessness but I don't think the two are linked at all.

Mrsjayy · 30/08/2015 08:36

Thats what our family did passed clothes around so gawd knows where that babygro from 1993 went

Fluffy24 · 30/08/2015 08:38

I dote on my VPFB who is only 7 mo but I didn't (not did it dawn on me)keep anything from when I was pregnant, the scan pics are still stuck to the fridge so when I get round to it I'll put them away.

I get teary over some of his newborn outfits now but at the time I nearly didn't keep them and I can easily understand why when you're so taken up with how wonderful your new baby is, keeping things doesn't seem so important.

AspieAndNT · 30/08/2015 08:41

This was how a friend of mine found out that they were adopted. She kept asking for photo's, birth cert etc and eventually her Mum told her.

treaclesoda · 30/08/2015 08:42

MrsJayy that also leads nicely to the elderly parents squinting at baby photos and saying 'oh look, it's child no 2. No wait, I didn't get that car until 1968 and child 2 wasn't born then, must be child 1'. Etc etc

Mrsjayy · 30/08/2015 08:47

yip

5hell · 30/08/2015 08:50

op when i was little i went through a stage of being convinced i was adopted because i couldn't find my 'baby book' but could find my little sisters....i wasn't, i just couldn't find the book!

maybe they didn't have a camera before you were 18 months
maybe your mum just isn't the sentimental type
maybe they lost a box of stuff in a move, flood or fire?

i'm a super sentimental fool so will probably keep EVERYTHING! well that's my intention now, but maybe i'll be too busy/frazzled/tired!

Mrsjayy · 30/08/2015 08:50

Oh there is a photo of my mum when she was pregnant in a box of photos my aunt had tbf it is her wedding picture so we dont talk about the baby she is pregnant with

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 30/08/2015 09:06

I can't really add much that other PPs haven't already said. Photos were expensive back in the day. When my DC were born (they're 15 and 12) you had rolls of 24 or 36 and lots were rubbish when developed. DM has my DC's first shoes and a couple of toys but storage can be an issue. I'd kept lots of stuff initially but it just had to go as more stuff came along.

DM has about 20 photos of me pre teens, taken by my uncle and that's it. I know my grandad kept locks of hair and first teeth but they've been lost along the way.

I have nieces and nephews under 5 and you could wallpaper a house with their pictures (if they were ever printed out!).

Times are very different now. As a PP said, lack of stuff doesn't mean an unloved child.

sashh · 30/08/2015 09:32

There are none for me either OP.

There is one photo taken by my grandmother.

My mum always insisted they didn't have a camera, but there are pictures of my brother as a 2 and 3 year old so when I was a baby.

Callaird · 30/08/2015 09:38

How old are you OP?

I'm 47, the first picture my parents have of me is at 6 months old, it's a portrait picture that my grandparents all chipped in to help pay for. There are a few more as a toddler when my dads friend got a camera but as others have said, it was expensive to get photos developed back then.

They have a lock of my hair from my first hair cut at 3, my brothers and my school reports and some of our 'art work'! There are no clothes (all 3rd, 4th or 5th hand, hand me downs. Although there are a few toys/bears in the loft.

My brother was born in 1970, was very poorly with a heart defect, he was given last rites at 3 hours old, there are no photos of him until he was 4, mum didn't want a reminder, something she dearly regrets now (he passed away at 13 years old)

My youngest brother was born in 1974 and again there are very few photos of him as a baby, the odd nursery or school photo or extended family photo as my parents didn't have their own camera.

My parents bought me my first camera at 13 years old, I am now rarely to be seen without a camera in my hand!

Pranmasghost · 30/08/2015 09:49

My two are in their 40s. I do have lots of photos and I also keep their favourite comfort toys when they were discarded. I have a baby nightie which my grandad bought for days in Harrods. Dis was his first great grandchild so my tough Geordie ex pitman grandad went to London on the train. He made is first ever visit to Harrods to buy this nightie. By then babygros had arrived so it was only tried on but it is an heirloom now.

JawannaDrink · 30/08/2015 10:06

Some of us don't be attached to stuff. The idea of keeping teeth (bleurgh) or baby clothes for sentimental reasons just wouldn't occur to us. Photos etc might not have been very accessible and a box is easy to lose in a move or whatever.
But its just things, its not what matters. I'd be appalled if my children measured my love for them in keepsakes as opposed to how much I have loved them and cared for them.

SoftSheen · 30/08/2015 10:07

YANBU. Pretty unusual to not have any photos or mementos at all, especially if there are photos of you as a toddler.

GloGirl · 30/08/2015 10:08

Do you have a birth cert?

queenrollo · 30/08/2015 10:12

It was my 40th last week....my mum did tell me that she still has the piece of paper where she wrote down what time I was born, so she wouldn't forget in the baby haze.

FadedRed · 30/08/2015 10:13

I am 60 and I have quite a lot of photos of me and my sister as babies and toddlers, including a formal studio portrait photo of my parents, elder sister and myself as a babe in arms. Speaking with friends this seems a bit unusual for someone my age, but my parent emigrated to England in late 1940's and I think they had photos taken to send back to their families in their home country. Also my mother owned a camera, given as a gift when she emigrated, which was her pride and joy.
Photography was expensive, a roll of film was only 8 photos and the cost of developing and printing was expensive. There also seemed to be a practice of getting photos in our family as I inherited my mother's collection and they go back to the turn of the last century! I even have a photo dating from around 1850, of my great great grandfather! But my DM loved photographs and collected family ones avidly.
The only memento of babyhood is the christening gown my sister and I were baptised in.
My Dd is late twenties and I have loads of photos, but DH was also a keen photographer. I have scan photos, but only because I worked at the hospital and was friends with the sonographers, it was not usual to be given scan photos until the nineties in our area.
I also have loads of baby stuff, but as I only had one Dc then very little was handed down, and it just got put in the loft and forgotten. Only one house move in that time, so no big clear our either.
I wouldn't worry or look for conspiracy theories, OP, maybe your DM had other things on her mind when you were a baby, or little money to get photos and stuff. Or she was considerably tidier that I am!

Osmiornica · 30/08/2015 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HackerFucker22 · 30/08/2015 11:09

Who the hell keeps appointment letters?

Witchend · 30/08/2015 12:54

I am one of life's hoarders and hate throwing things away with any possibly attachment at all.. And I wouldn't keep appointment cards.

IFancyRichard · 30/08/2015 13:02

Out of all the things you've listed I've only kept photos. I was exhausted a lot and short of space and money. I was focused on living in the moment rather than storing objects to demonstrate that I lived it.

SoupDragon · 30/08/2015 13:07

I suspect that the only reason there are any photos of me as a baby is because I was a girl after two boys.

Raahh · 30/08/2015 13:31

I do have scan photos of all 3. No teeth. I have dd2's hair, but only because it was curly.

I have also kept the little plastic clip things they clamp the umbilical cord with- all 3, each with a wee bit of dried up cord attached (should the ability to clone them ever occur)

Photos, though- it has been funny to see how different it has been with each one. I have a photo album for ds, a few photos printed of dd1 as a baby, but all my pictures of dd2 are on my phone/laptop. Once I got a digital camera, I very rarely printed the pictures off. Since getting decent camera phones, we don't even have a camera. I share pictures with friends and family through FB, and most of my friends do the same.

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