To kill my husband to death?

[User543212345]

We have guests this week. I bought a jar of Lotus biscuit spread for us to have at breakfasts. I tend to not have it in the house after the jar/spoon incident in the spring but thought that having guests was a lovely excuse for a treat, and wouldn't result in me eating it all like a pig.

"D"H has only gone and given them the fucking jar as a "gift from Sweary" so I look like a loon who gives people jars of biscuit spread and, more importantly, I don't get to have some on toast for breakfast.

WIBU to actually kill the fucker?

That sounds justifiable to me.

Waiting for someone to turn up self-righteously telling OP off about DV any minute now ...

Yes but you need to make it painful.

Ha! My DP wouldn't have been sharing that stuff, let alone giving away a whole jar.

I'm sure we can supply you with an alibi

Buy more, do not allow him to eat any. The punishment should fit the crime!

What is lotus spread?

I bought a jar for the toast hatch at toddlers once. None of us liked it so we gave it to the first mum who proclaimed a vague liking for it. Waste of £2!

Had to Google to see what it is....am I right in thinking it's basically creamed biscuits?

Kill him. We'll provide the alibi.

Was it crunchy? Wish they did it in family size...

Waiting for someone to turn up self-righteously telling OP off about DV any minute now ...
I am a big fan of comedic hyperbolic advocation of violence, but I do wonder how far I'd get on here (as a bloke) advocating such stuff....

Oooh I'm sitting here counting the hours til tea break time at work, i just made us all a bannoffee pie with an added layer of crunchy melted lotus spread!!

YANBU, it's the stuff dreams are made of.

Mmmmm speculaas! Food of the gods

Kill him OP. Stone dead. Then he won't do it again

Absolutely fair. Possibly bury him in lotus spread.

He's given a jar of your favourite spread to your guests? Whatever possessed him?

Did he wrap it and attach a card from both of you? If so, make sure he lingers in agony for a few hours before you deliver the coup de grace. If not, make sure he lingers for a couple of days.

Absolutely fair. Possibly bury him in lotus spread.

That would be a heinous waste of lotus spread.

Batter him with a heavy dry un-lotus-spreaded rock cake, that'll larn him.

Wonder no more,wasonthelist. You'd get a virtual kicking and find yourself pushing up the daisies buried under the virtual patio in double quick time.

Procrastinatorgeneral : what is a toast hatch? Where do I get a toast hatch? I DEMAND A TOAST HATCH.

The kitchen at toddler group has a hatch into the main room. From it we dispense brews, biscuits and toast to the masses. It's the toast hatch :o

Of course YWBU to kill him to death.

FFS what self respecting women would do something like this without making him replace the biscuit spread first

YANBU. What was the jar/spoon incident?

It's ridiculous to murder somebody because of spread based trauma. Save capital punishment for where it's needed.

people who say newtella

How is he not dead already?!

Yes could you expand on the jar/spoon incident?

I suspect the jar/spoon incident involved said spoon going between the said jar and the op's mouth several times before the op realised she was just banging spoon on the bottom of the empty jar!

Am I right do I get prize?!