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AIBU?

To kill my husband to death?

41 replies

User543212345 · 27/08/2015 12:29

We have guests this week. I bought a jar of Lotus biscuit spread for us to have at breakfasts. I tend to not have it in the house after the jar/spoon incident in the spring but thought that having guests was a lovely excuse for a treat, and wouldn't result in me eating it all like a pig.

"D"H has only gone and given them the fucking jar as a "gift from Sweary" so I look like a loon who gives people jars of biscuit spread and, more importantly, I don't get to have some on toast for breakfast.

WIBU to actually kill the fucker?

OP posts:

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bessarabiantiger · 27/08/2015 19:40

I have spent waaaayyyy too long today designing Toast Hatches (patent pending).Mine is going to have a chute, you press the emergency toast button (needs a snappier name), the hatch opens and KAPOW! Toast is fired to a desired location accompanied by a Batman figurine bearing an individual portion of delicious preserve.

Next up...The CROISSANT COMMANDER.

MrsTedCrilly · 27/08/2015 18:08

Haha.. These are the times I'm glad I can't drive and the shop is miles away otherwise I'd be in dangerous territory

blibblobblub · 27/08/2015 18:04

MrsTedCrilly yeah, if you have Nutella issues you might wanna stay away, it's glorious

Whatabout · 27/08/2015 17:59

Whilse he sleeps stick wax strips to his balls.

IndridCold · 27/08/2015 17:58

I bought a jar after reading the rave reviews on MN, and thought it was absolutely vile! Far too sweet sickly gunk (realises we need a MN vom smiley).

MrsTedCrilly · 27/08/2015 17:57

Haha! Glad you got it back.. What is it like by the way? I am scared to try it as I tend to have many spoon in jar accidents.. Nutella I'm looking at you.

blibblobblub · 27/08/2015 17:54

I've always wanted a toast hatch. We looked at a house last year with one, almost swung it for me

Anyway, if DH gave away my Lotus spread I'd LTB. He'd know better.

User543212345 · 27/08/2015 17:52

I put my big girl pants on and explained DH had misunderstood. That it was bought to share and not for them to take away though they would be welcome to the non existent leftovers. Being direct with a little humour seemed to work

Seriously though, what was he thinking? Giving a jar of readily available supermarket spread as a gift? Where will it stop? Will our next guests (due tomorrow) get a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?

OP posts:

RJnomaaaaaargh · 27/08/2015 17:51

Yabu it's horrible. I was so disappointed I love the biscuits.

JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 27/08/2015 17:48

How did you get it back?

I'm still giggling at you being 'a loon who gives people biscuit spread as a present'.

ArtyFartyQueen · 27/08/2015 17:46

What possessed him to do such a thing! How rude :)

wafflyversatile · 27/08/2015 17:44

You can kill him dead but how will that liberate the Lotus spread?

tshirtsuntan · 27/08/2015 17:40

I really want a toast hatch, also a person to constantly deliver toast (savoury toppings only) through it......which wall to butcher??

User543212345 · 27/08/2015 17:31

Naught you win the empty jar as a prize.

I have successfully managed to reclaim the jar without losing much dignity. No killing to death required. Hurrah!

OP posts:

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 27/08/2015 16:35

Cross post with NaughtToThreeSadOnions

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 27/08/2015 16:34

Having succumbed to eating nutella from the jar with a spoon (who needs bread?) I am guessing that SwearyGodmother ate said lotus straight from the jar and vowed never to buy it again and give into temptation.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 27/08/2015 16:33

I suspect the jar/spoon incident involved said spoon going between the said jar and the op's mouth several times before the op realised she was just banging spoon on the bottom of the empty jar!

Am I right do I get prize?!

BaldricksTurnip · 27/08/2015 16:27

Yes could you expand on the jar/spoon incident?

TheCatsMother99 · 27/08/2015 16:21

How is he not dead already?!

MorrisZapp · 27/08/2015 15:42

It's ridiculous to murder somebody because of spread based trauma. Save capital punishment for where it's needed.

people who say newtella

CoteDAzur · 27/08/2015 15:37

YANBU. What was the jar/spoon incident?

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 27/08/2015 15:37

Of course YWBU to kill him to death.

FFS what self respecting women would do something like this without making him replace the biscuit spread first

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ProcrastinatorGeneral · 27/08/2015 15:34

The kitchen at toddler group has a hatch into the main room. From it we dispense brews, biscuits and toast to the masses. It's the toast hatch :o

bessarabiantiger · 27/08/2015 15:15

Procrastinatorgeneral : what is a toast hatch? Where do I get a toast hatch? I DEMAND A TOAST HATCH.

goddessofsmallthings · 27/08/2015 13:16

Wonder no more,wasonthelist. You'd get a virtual kicking and find yourself pushing up the daisies buried under the virtual patio in double quick time.

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