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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding bar - to charge or not - aaargh!

71 replies

cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 12:37

Can anyone help me with this. 3 weeks until my wedding and I am losing the plot.
We are holding our reception in a village hall. We have bought lots (and lots) of wine and prosecco to date and will be providing as much as people want during the day. The sticking point is the evening. I'm loath to get a mobile bar that charges lots for drinks as we have people travelling a long way and staying over. The options are to have a so called honesty/donation bar (to cover costs not make a profit) or just have a free bar.
My issues is - is it a bit tacky to ask people to pay even a small amount if they can't pick what they want to drink. We would do wine, real ale, lager, soft drinks etc, but can't run to everything as logistically it would be a nightmare. I've bought relatively inexpensive wine from waitrose and we will get real ale in barrels.
DP ideally would prefer to recoup some of costs of drinks - the idea is to make sure people can drink without being charged vast amounts. I get that, but I'm a bit unsure overall. I sort of feel it's OK to have a slightly more makeshift bar with less choice if it's free but people might mind paying if they would prefer different wine or spirits. (I do already have the temporary licence by the way, so no issue there).
Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Summeblaze · 26/08/2015 12:39

Both sound fine. I've personally never been to a wedding where I've not had to buy my own drinks. All have been a pay bar. I was super excited when I went to a wedding last year and the first drink was free.

Keeptrudging · 26/08/2015 12:41

I wouldn't have a free bar. Free bars seem to make normally sensible people drink twice (or more) as much as they would if they were paying. Double shots all round etc! You're already providing wine, people expect to pay for evening drinks. Our caterers ran the bar and prices weren't bad at all.

GloGirl · 26/08/2015 12:42

I think an honesty bar sounds like a good compromise. And completely inoffensive. Just warn people first, I only pay by card b
Now and never have cash so I wouldn't be able to pay anything!

Having said that, I think it'd be worth the squeeze to do a free bar - in years to come, you will look back on your wedding and been happier it was a free bar than you recouped £300.

DragonsToSlayAndWineToDrink · 26/08/2015 12:42

As up thread- only on MN have I seen free bar. IRL every wedding except 1 that I've ever been 2 had a pay bar (the one that didn't was v v v lavish at a 5* hotel)

BeautifulBatman · 26/08/2015 12:45

I've been to a few free bar weddings and it's always nice but there is absolutely nothing wrong with a full pay bar whatsoever, especially when you're providing wine and fizzy.

AgentProvocateur · 26/08/2015 12:45

Conversely, I've never been to a wedding where I've had to pay for drinks

Original poster

cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 12:45

Good point GloGirl, we are rural so no cashpoint within 8 miles!

OP posts:

WhyDoesGastonBark · 26/08/2015 12:49

We had a free bar at ours, wasn't abused at all.

gamerchick · 26/08/2015 12:49

I wouldn't have a free bar. Every single free bar wedding I've seen guests have taken a load of drink home with them.

people get greedy when stuff is free.

Osolea · 26/08/2015 12:49

I've only been to two weddings where the reception has been in a hall, and at both there was no charge for drinks. I agree with you and think it's not very nice to charge people for drink when they don't have much choice.

I'd leave it as it is in your position, but warn people what you're doing so that people who would prefer to drink their own choice of spirits are aware that they can bring their own. Then you just have to provide ice, mixers and glasses. I'd much rather bring my own than be charged for something I'd rather not have to drink.

nottheOP · 26/08/2015 12:50

Can you send a text to the young folk saying that it's BYOB to the evening and state what will be provided?

Otherwise, an honesty bar sounds good

19lottie82 · 26/08/2015 12:55

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar, I would be surprised if people expected it.

Generally the rule of thumb, with any wedding I've been to is a glass of fizz when you arrive then wine with the meal, the rest you pay for. Possibly one free drink per guest behind the bar too, but that's the limit.

19lottie82 · 26/08/2015 12:56

Just get a mobile bar in that charges, for anything outside this. I don't see it as a problem

Abraid2 · 26/08/2015 12:57

I've never paid for a drink at a wedding. But it has been wine available in the evening, plus soft drinks, not bar a bar.

wanderingwondering · 26/08/2015 12:58

We did similar-generous with the table wine and fizz (people were still drinking it into the evening) but a reasonably priced cash bar in the evening. Seemed to work well. We didn't have any extra evening guests-everyone was invited to the whole day.

My sister put a large amount of money behind the bar and quite a few people seemed to take advantage-lots of half finished drinks left around.

marshmallowpies · 26/08/2015 12:58

Do you have any guests coming for the evening only? I would make sure, whatever happens, evening only guests get a free drink at the very least, as they won't be having the wedding breakfast.

At our wedding we put money behind the bar in the evening and made sure evening guests got a free drink, but also informally DH, FIL and other members of the wedding party circulated the room making sure people were kept topped up. I don't know what FILs tab was at the end of the night but it was pretty big! (But he'd offered up front to do that, he wasn't pissed off about it, to be clear).

wanderingwondering · 26/08/2015 12:59

Behind the bar at her wedding that was supposed to say

Janeymoo50 · 26/08/2015 13:00

We're having a "soft bar" - so basically wine, beers, some cider perhaps plus soft drinks. We're also serving tea and coffee at about 9pm and are buying thee or four bottles of liquers so if anyone want a baileys coffee etc they can do that. We're not charging, as we have invited them to our party so expect to provide. That said, it is only for 40 people in total, some are driving, some are pregnant, some are kids (under 6), so it is easier for us to budget etc.

Fatmomma99 · 26/08/2015 13:02

I've been to both types of wedding. Also been to several where the B&G have put a certain amount of money behind the bar and once it's gone people have to start paying.

Your problem is the being rural bit. Would it not be a shame if the booze ran out and no way of getting more without getting in the car to go and fetch?

I think you're fine either way, as long as people know what to expect.

Hope your wedding goes well. Congrats

ChristineDePisan · 26/08/2015 13:02

if you do an honesty bar you will need to suggest prices to pay - do you know what these would be? What would that recoup you? And would you have someone serving themselves or bar staff?

Original poster

cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 13:02

We are having evening guests -about 75 for the day and another 40 or so just for the evening. We are having a buffet about 9pm.

OP posts:

Original poster

cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 13:04

If we did have an honesty bar, we'd make it very simple - £6 for a bottle of wine, £2 per beer etc so it's straightforward. We would need someone to puur drink though, whereas if it's free I would think guests could help themselves?

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MaidOfStars · 26/08/2015 13:04

We offered free drinks all day and a free bar at night. But it was a staffed free bar, and the staff were happy to deal with any extraordinary orders (not sure if they had to or not).

Would your free bar be manned?

But to agree with many, free bars aren't really usual so buying from a mobile bar with a good selection would be alright with me.

Honesty boxes? It's a clear indication that you are personally recouping costs. I couldn't have done it myself, seems a bit, I don't know, grabby (which I accept might sound ludicrous to some). And as you say, you're asking people to pay for drinks they might not necessarily choose.

MaidOfStars · 26/08/2015 13:05

You'd need to charge £2 per beer to just recoup your costs?

Original poster

cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 13:06

Janeymoo - that is the sort of thing I was thinking of. We do have a fair few driving as we're rural, but there are without a doubt some die-hard drinkers among the guests!

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