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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding bar - to charge or not - aaargh!

71 replies

cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 12:37

Can anyone help me with this. 3 weeks until my wedding and I am losing the plot.
We are holding our reception in a village hall. We have bought lots (and lots) of wine and prosecco to date and will be providing as much as people want during the day. The sticking point is the evening. I'm loath to get a mobile bar that charges lots for drinks as we have people travelling a long way and staying over. The options are to have a so called honesty/donation bar (to cover costs not make a profit) or just have a free bar.
My issues is - is it a bit tacky to ask people to pay even a small amount if they can't pick what they want to drink. We would do wine, real ale, lager, soft drinks etc, but can't run to everything as logistically it would be a nightmare. I've bought relatively inexpensive wine from waitrose and we will get real ale in barrels.
DP ideally would prefer to recoup some of costs of drinks - the idea is to make sure people can drink without being charged vast amounts. I get that, but I'm a bit unsure overall. I sort of feel it's OK to have a slightly more makeshift bar with less choice if it's free but people might mind paying if they would prefer different wine or spirits. (I do already have the temporary licence by the way, so no issue there).
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 13:08

Sorry - not really thought through complete costs yet. I just knwo the wine is £6 as I've already bought it

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 26/08/2015 13:08

My dad wanted to offer some free drinks so he put £750 behind the bar and each guest got three tokens that they could exchange for a drink - there was no restriction on what drink they could have and the bar just kept a running total. When everyone had spent their three tokens they then paid themselves for further drinks. I think by the time all the tokens had been used up the bill was a little over £750 so my dad then paid that extra the following day.

It meant the guests were treated to some free drinks but that they couldn't take advantage.

Cocacolaandchocolate · 26/08/2015 13:08

We had a free bar and it was not abused. We also put bottles of wine on tables in evening and day too.
Have a lovely wedding day op.

Original poster
cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 13:10

Coca - keeping the wine on the tables is a really good idea. Thanks for that Smile

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 26/08/2015 13:13

I went to a party recently which, while not strictly speaking a wedding reception, was a party for a wedding. (Wedding was abroad so only family and close friends - the party when they got home was for their wider circle of friends)

Anyway the email said something along the lines of there being a wide selection of beers and wine available but if anyone wanted to bring any extras they were welcome to but didn't have to. I think most people then did bring something anyway.

Osolea · 26/08/2015 13:14

That sounds quite a lot to charge for a limited choice, and although you say it's simple, I don't think the reality would be at all simple for your guests. What if they only want a glass of wine instead of a bottle?

I thought the point of an honestly bar was that you didn't have set prices. I don't like the idea of it at all tbh, but if you're going to have an honesty bar then you're better off just letting people chuck in a tenner or £20 or whatever and then let them help themselves.

If you're going to have prices then you need a cash float and someone will have to serve so that they can sort out change.

chicaguapa · 26/08/2015 13:14

I'd put on free makeshift bar and say something like 'just to let you know that there'll be wine, beer and soft drinks, but feel free to bring your own spirits if you want to mix them with the soft drinks'.

As a PP has said, an honesty bar makes it seem like you're trying to recoup the cost of putting the bar on IMO.

diddl · 26/08/2015 13:15

In the circs you describe then I wouldn't expect to pay tbh.

If you can't afford to provide the drinks then get a bar in.

Original poster
cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 13:18

I think that's why I felt uncomfortable with it all. Best to do basics for free and then let people know so they can bring extras if they prefer seems to be the way to go. We'll keep the wine on the tables all evening and people can help themselves to beer from kegs, lager/cider in ice and soft drinks on table. Does that sound feasible?

OP posts:
G1veMeStrength · 26/08/2015 13:22

Instead of buying more booze and hoping it doesn't run out and agonising over whether it should be an honesty bar or not...

Could you hire a staffed mobile bar and put whatever money you'd have written off behind it?

So people can have a drink without spending a fortune, but with someone serving them and a full range of choice and less for you to have to DO?

Osolea · 26/08/2015 13:26

I think your latest suggestion sound like the best plan, and the one that is likely to give you the most relaxed and happy atmosphere amongst your guests.

ChristineDePisan · 26/08/2015 13:33

I would:

  • put a bottle of red and white on each table for the meal
  • put the beer and about half of the rest of the wine and soft drinks on a serving table at the side
  • make sure you have screw tops or buy loads of openers (Ikea etc)
  • put the rest in the kitchen or somewhere out of sight and allocate the task of topping up the table after your evening guests arrive to an usher or bridesmaid
  • not charge
  • not worry about telling people to BYO spirits - I wouldn't want to tuck a bottle of vodka into my handbag, and I think with wine, beer and fizz most people would be able to find something that they want to drink
  • make sure someone is in charge of tidying up glasses and keeping things reasonably tidy
  • find out where the dustpan and brush is and make sure they are somewhere obvious - someone is bound to break a glass, and one benefit of having external help is that they will take care of that sort of thing for you
TheLightsWinning · 26/08/2015 13:35

I've only ever been to one wedding with a free bar. I wouldn't expect it, and feel that honestly providing people with food/drink/entertainment for the day is more than enough. I genuinely don't see the point in bankrupting yourselves to pay for a wedding! Honesty bar sounds like a good compromise if you are really uncomfortable with a pay bar, although I do think a pay bar would be totally fine!

ExBallerina · 26/08/2015 13:40

I think that's a great idea and people will have a blast.

Happy Wedding!Flowers

Original poster
cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 13:41

Christine - thanks so much. You sound like the voice of reason. I am definitely panicking unnecessarily and it's a shame as I've been completely relaxed about everything up to now. That makes it sound very simple. I agree about the spirits personally, I wouldn't go with a bottle in my bag either, but I do know a few guests who much prefer spirits, so as long as I let them know, they can decide either way.
Our wedding is very informal, afternoon and evening buffet, no set seating plan, but we do have caterers on hand all day to do the wine on tables etc.
Good point about the dustpan!

OP posts:
Klaptrap · 26/08/2015 13:41

We didn't have a free bar exactly, but we did have a reasonably large tab behind the bar to cover people's drinks to a point, plus a lot of wine on the tables. The tab lasted pretty far into the evening reception, but I would agree about a free bar making people drink more and get silly. We didn't have any scenes or anything, but some of our guests did get absolutely shitfaced.

I would never be bothered about having to pay for my own drinks at a wedding, I've actually never been to a wedding where I didn't have to (other than mine!).

With the honesty bar idea I would worry that as people got more intoxicated, they would be less likely to be honest! Personally I'd go for the mobile bar myself.

CrystalCove · 26/08/2015 13:46

I would never expect a free bar at night at a wedding, it's not been the norm at any wedding I've been to, even getting a free glass of bubbly with a meal feels like a bonus!

CrystalCove · 26/08/2015 13:48

I've been to party's with bars I've took some vodka with me to, easy to transfer to a plastic juice bottle and put in my bag.

hibbleddible · 26/08/2015 13:58

If its a hall and you are just paying cost price I would have a free bar, but limit the amount of alcohol so people don't become totally sloshed.

In a hotel I would expect a paid bat, in a hall not so much (and you may fall foul of licensing laws)

steff13 · 26/08/2015 14:01

I like an open bar at a wedding. I've never heard of anyone taking drinks home with them, but every wedding I've been to with a bar had a bartender, which I imagine prevents that sort of thing.

Lookingforwardtoholiday · 26/08/2015 14:08

I wouldn't charge I'm afraid and would think it odd but then I'm one of the few on MN for whom a free bar is the norm and it never gets abused, perhaps because it's the expectation.

JohnCusacksWife · 26/08/2015 14:20

We gave everyone a glass of fizz when they arrived at the reception, then had a few botles on each table and after that was gone it was a pay bar. I don't see anything wrong with a pay bar and have ever been to a wedding where it was a free bar all night (sadly!).

JohnCusacksWife · 26/08/2015 14:21

never

Kintan · 26/08/2015 14:32

You could just say wine/real ale/lager/soft drinks are included in the open bar, anything else like spirits etc people can pay for or bring them along should they desire them.

Original poster
cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 14:36

Just to say thanks to everyone who has contributed. We were even trending at one point! I'll discuss with DP but think have found a way forward that I'm comfortable with.
Thanks also for your kind words and congratulations - I'm sure we'll have a lovely day Smile

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