Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Wedding bar - to charge or not - aaargh!

71 replies

cashmerecardigans · 26/08/2015 12:37

Can anyone help me with this. 3 weeks until my wedding and I am losing the plot.
We are holding our reception in a village hall. We have bought lots (and lots) of wine and prosecco to date and will be providing as much as people want during the day. The sticking point is the evening. I'm loath to get a mobile bar that charges lots for drinks as we have people travelling a long way and staying over. The options are to have a so called honesty/donation bar (to cover costs not make a profit) or just have a free bar.
My issues is - is it a bit tacky to ask people to pay even a small amount if they can't pick what they want to drink. We would do wine, real ale, lager, soft drinks etc, but can't run to everything as logistically it would be a nightmare. I've bought relatively inexpensive wine from waitrose and we will get real ale in barrels.
DP ideally would prefer to recoup some of costs of drinks - the idea is to make sure people can drink without being charged vast amounts. I get that, but I'm a bit unsure overall. I sort of feel it's OK to have a slightly more makeshift bar with less choice if it's free but people might mind paying if they would prefer different wine or spirits. (I do already have the temporary licence by the way, so no issue there).
Any thoughts?

OP posts:

unlucky83 · 26/08/2015 14:53

I would say 120 is quote a lot of people to have a free bar...how well do you (and future DH) know everyone? How well behaved are your and 'DH' families (any black sheep or simmering family disputes)?
I used to organise weddings - paid and free bars .. some were great others not so ...and it is only with free bars I have seen things go hideously wrong - usually if lots of the guests aren't particularly close to the couple or quite young and viewing it as a free 'piss up'.
I've seen people get extremely drunk and end up vomiting, pissing and shagging outside the venue...not sure if the bridal couple knew (we usually tried to hide things like that from them) but still ewww...
I've seen drunken family arguments start - the groom's brother fighting with the bride's brother kind of thing. A couple of brides in tears over things like that.
And chronic piss taking - usually by people who were no more than acquaintances to the couple. We used to do sale or return bars - so had plenty of drink available but the couple only paid for what was used. Even so we have had people taking bottles of wine to take home - not just one bottle a couple. (This was really bad at one wedding - much bigger than yours - they actually were going behind the bar and opening boxes - and they were putting food in their bags too - thought it was funny - only time we nearly ran out of buffet food and we had way more than was paid for).
On the worst we had to call the police as one drunk (who claimed he was related to the bride - never found out if that was true or not) was trying to pull cases of beer out of the van as we tried to load it - he kept saying it was paid for - we kept telling him it wasn't. He thought we were taking it away to either sell it again or drink it ourselves. So drunk he couldn't understand. The police were called when he got physical with a waiter...
Sorry for the horror stories - I'm sure your wedding won't be like those - as I said most were fine - but do consider who your guests are before doing a free bar!
And don't forget soft drinks too...

MaxPepsi · 26/08/2015 15:24

Christine has some good advice - except for the part about telling people to BYO.

This I would heartily recommend. Most people have specific drinks that they like and unless your guests are really not fussy they won't just drink anything.

For example - I drink wine. White wine. However it has to be pinot otherwise I won't drink it. So, if you've say, only bought sauvignon blanc and chardonnay I'd be sat wishing you'd said I could bring my own. I would drink the fizz but after that I'd be sat with nothing. I know that would be my lookout but I wouldn't be enjoying myself.

As for spirits, a lot of people move onto them as the day/night goes on.

therefore, I'd tell people what you have (and be specific about the types of wine) and if their favourite tipple is not on the list then please feel free to bring your own.

Have a drop off point if necessary for people - or tell them to put their drink in a gift bag if they don't want to put it in a carrier.

Lastly - have a lovely day and congratulations

Rainbunny · 26/08/2015 17:27

Do what feels right to you. FWIW I have never been to a wedding where you had to pay for your drinks, I'm really surprised that so many posters here have had the opposite experience.

lanbro · 26/08/2015 17:34

Why not speak to a local pub and ask if they could do the bar for you? Prices would be pub prices rather than normal over priced wedding bar prices, they could bring a good selection as would be used in the pub after anyway.

I went to the wedding of a multi millionaire's daughter and there wasn't even a free bar there! One glass of fizz each and 2 bottles of wine per table of 8. No one expects a free bar, although exceeding expectations is not a bad thing!

mrsdos · 26/08/2015 17:45

We held our wedding reception in a local village hall last year and ran our own bar (check licencing rules for your venue if you do charge). Our ushers were asked if they were happy to take turns on running it (it was actually the only job asked of them) and it worked quite well.

I would never presume that a bar would be free at a wedding, regardless of location especially when the average cost of a wedding is so publicised.

But maybe my group of friends are particularly stingy in not having a free bar

Bunbaker · 26/08/2015 17:50

I would go with Christine's suggestions and some BYO as well.

You can't just charge for drinks unless you get a temporary licence.

MrsCampbellBlack · 26/08/2015 17:50

I think in a village hall then the drinks should be free unless there is a proper bar.

So, I'd just lay on wine/beer/cider/soft drinks and cover the costs if you can afford too. Most places you can take unopened bottles back if you don't use them.

I wouldn't do an honesty bar - I can't imagine what some of my older relations would have made of that.

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 26/08/2015 17:55

I've only ever been to one wedding with a free bar, I would never expect it.

Gymbunny1204 · 26/08/2015 17:55

We had a free bar. PIL picked up the tab.

Supply what you can afford, recouping the costs sounds tacky, sorry.

Dowser · 26/08/2015 18:49

We've got 24 coming to our wedding also in three weeks . 6 are children. We were going to put €300 euros behind the bar.

Was also thinking of putting jugs of sangria on the table.

Not sure what to do.

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 26/08/2015 19:10

We charged. No one objected.

Babayaggatheboneylegged · 26/08/2015 19:14

We had a free bar at our wedding (thanks to the generosity of my parents who paid for it.)

yes, people got merry, but no one 'abused' it (and most of the guests were Scottish/irish!) Quite a few bottles of wine we'd bought for the tables were left over at the end, I think we gave most to the bar staff as a thank you.

People STILL talk to us about how great it was to attend a wedding where all the drinks were free.

it obviously depends on your circumstances and if you can afford it, but IME your guests will love you for having a free bar, and and will remember your day fondly forever!

XiCi · 26/08/2015 19:19

I would hire a mobile bar for the evening. Many people do not drink wine or beer, so for those people their enjoyment of the night would be affected. Also, you have alot of people coming. It's very easy to underestimate how much people drink at occasions like this and you run the very real risk of running out of alcohol at some point in the night with no way to stock up

PainSnail · 26/08/2015 19:19

If its in a village hall you will need to check the license rules if you run a pay bar. You will probably need a temporary events licence.

Brummiegirl15 · 26/08/2015 20:32

Not wanting to be the boring one but I'm a license holder and a designated premises supervisor.

You are not able to run a bar and charge for it as you are not a license holder. That is against the law (and by all means ignore me if you wish) but you need a premises license and a license holder. You can get round the premises license by applying for a temporary event notice up to 400 people as mentioned by previous posters.

But there is no way of getting around the the personal license holder bit.

If you want a pay bar, you need to pay for a mobile bar. Otherwise you provide it all or ask people to byob.

But as the law stands, unless you are a license holder - you cannot sell alcohol to recoup your costs.

As it happens, most people don't expect a free bar. It's a luxury and a bit of a bonus

hedgehog01 · 26/08/2015 21:08

I'd put what you can reasonably afford behind the bar/ have a free bar. Most people won't take advantage and in the grand scheme of things won't cost that much. I'm pleased we did.

MilkAndFenty · 26/08/2015 21:11

We had free bar- really successful, no one took the mick- when people know it's your wedding they tend not to, I'm really glad we did it, and it wasn't massively expensive to do it.

G1veMeStrength · 27/08/2015 11:35

OP said early on she has got a licence sorted.

Badgerlady · 27/08/2015 11:42

I must say I don't understand the 'you must provide free drinks all day and night'. I've never been to a wedding where that was done.

At our wedding there were (a) drinks on arrival (b) a generous amount of wine with dinner and (c) fizz with toasts. There were jugs of juice and water available all evening. After dinner any other drinks were paid for at the bar. This is similar to most other weddings I've been to (with the exception of one where you got a glass of wine on arrival and nothing more).

I think an honesty box is absolutely fine. I wouldn't think it grabby or odd.

Original poster

cashmerecardigans · 28/08/2015 20:20

Hi everyone
Sorry, just returned to this. After a big discussion at home, w ehave dcided to just stick with real ale, lager, wine and soft drinks and pay for all of those ourselves. We will let people know, so they can bring ther own if they wish, but at least this way I don't need to worry about the fact that we are only supplying one type of white/rose/red wine. I've asked the caterers to keep the wine on tables topped up and it will be a help yourself bar for everything else, which means we don't need to worry about staff etc and fits with what will hopefully be a very relaxed and informal day.
I'm not too worried about abuse of it - we have been together 18 years, so it is very much a party as much as a wedding and we have mainly friends coming, not lots of family, so I am reasonably confident it will be fine.
We have absolutely loads of food, so in my view, if we do nothing but provide lots of food and drink, all should be well.
Thanks to all for the advice, it's really helped and I feel much happier with what we're doing. Funny though - the first friend I told said " well, you could just charge a pound per drink"!
I'm really looking forward to my day

OP posts:

Osolea · 29/08/2015 10:51

Sounds like it will be wonderful. Hope you have an amazing day

Flip

1 2 3