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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To insist DD has her hair cut?

87 replies

Scoobydoo494 · 26/08/2015 10:20

DD2 (12) has really long (waist length) knotty hair that is a general PITA. It hardly ever gets brushed unless I give in and do it myself. Getting her to brush/wash/dry it is traumatic and if I didn't insist it would go unwashed for weeks. Last night it was matted underneath which took nearly an hour to get out even with a tangle teaser. When I suggest she has it cut to a more suitable length she says it's her hair so she can do what she wants . AIBU to insist on her having it cut? Or is she too old for that? 12 is such a tricky age! Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 27/08/2015 09:15

Tbh as a mum with a dd with unruly hair i wouldnt be letting other 12yr olds bully her into sorting it out dd got the piss ripped from her because of it and that was us trying to manage it as soon as it rained dds hair went woosh. Anyway op just make her an appointment to get it cut into a manageable length dont make this a battle.

ArcheryAnnie · 27/08/2015 11:42

I think carabos wins the thread. That's just fantastic.

OP - is she really likely to make a fuss at the hairdressers? How might she respond if the deal was, she had to have it cut, but she was allowed to choose the style?

Girlfriend36 · 27/08/2015 14:43

If she made a fuss at the hairdressers then have a consequence lined up i.e. she will lose her phone for 24 hours, personally I think you are being really soft.

However i would also say to her once she has had her hair cut and it looks lovely again then you will do something nice just the two of you.

maxxytoe · 27/08/2015 15:20

Ewwww tell her to stop being a scruff and brush it herself or you'll be getting the clippers on it .
That's disgusting

Original poster

Scoobydoo494 · 27/08/2015 16:37

Maxxytoe somehow I don't think she would believe me if I said that! But you're right, it is disgusting. Dh frogmarched her to the shower last night, and he's not normally the type to notice greasy hair but that shows how bad it was.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. Layers seem to be a good idea. We can try and choose a style together hopefully before we go. I like the idea of doing something nice afterwards.

Girlfriend when you say she would have had it cut shorter if she was your daughter, what length were you thinking? I don't know what is a fair amount. DD says 1 inch . I think more like 6-8...

OP posts:

Girlfriend36 · 27/08/2015 17:54

Personally I would go to just below the shoulders! I reckon at least 6 to 7 inches my guess is once she has had it cut she will actually feel much better as general day to day care will be a million times easier.

Mrsjayy · 27/08/2015 18:15

Yeah i would go for shoulder length too i like the idea of doing something afterwards give her a year or so and she will never be out the shower

stayathomegardener · 27/08/2015 18:32

Can you bribe her with some professional hilights around her hair line after being cut and layered?
They well dry it up so it is less greasy too.

BeautifulBatman · 27/08/2015 18:49

Highlights?? She's 12 for goodness sakes!

DancingWithWillard · 27/08/2015 19:00

OP, you sound so lovely to be worried about getting it right for her. I think you need to be careful with this, as obviously her hair is a large part of her sense of identity. Having said that, she can't be allowed to let it get to the stage where she could be bullied for it. Is she quite sensitive? If so, don't go in all guns blazing about how she will get bullied, but maybe do mention while doing something together that longer hair gets dirty much faster, and has a smell that she might not notice if she's used to it.

If it was me I would suggest that you compromise with some of the brilliant suggestions here, so

Visit to hairdresser for a couple of inches off and some long layers. Explain it won't actually look any shorter but will be much easier to maintain. Get the hairdresser on side and give her some tips.
Order the brushes and horse shampoo recommended here (mane and tail is frequently mentioned on style and beauty too so it's obviously fab) and agree to help her work out the correct method and routine.
Agree that if, by the time she is due her next trim, she has not kept up the regular maintenance, she will be getting it cut to shoulder length with no arguments.

It could be that she just needs to be babied a wee bit longer on this issue, everyone matures at different rates, and surely it's better to be a bit soft than to risk her self esteem and trust in you with tough love and talk of people bullying her?

You know your daughter best though, and she could just be a lazy beggar who needs a good kick up the arse. .

BertrandRussell · 27/08/2015 19:45

I know I've said this before but my dd really genuinely still needed help with her long hair at 12. It's really easy to wash in tangles, and to brush it so aggressively that it stretches, springs back and tangles again. By the time she was 13 she was fine (I know- because she went away for 2 weeks just after her 13th birthday) but at 12 I still checked that it was properly rinsed and detangled it for her if necessary. And plaited it if she wanted one plait (happy to do that because it was my favourite style!)

phlebasconsidered · 27/08/2015 19:59

DD (7) had hair below her bum and used to argue all the time about having it brushed, but still wouldn't have it cut. In the end, after a hideous hairdressing session got an inch off, I left it. But then she met an older girl at Brownies with cool bobbed hair, and the next thing I know i'm supervising her to a Louise Brooks bob! She loves it, it's SO easy.

Can you buy some hair mags and go "hair spotting" until she finds a style she likes to emulate? Take her to a salon where they do those computer things where you "try on" new hair?

DD started a craze: there are several more short bobs in her class now. They all look cutely Gallic.

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